Having close friends that are homosexual

So this is my situation…
I have a close friend who is homosexual. We were friends for a long time before I knew that he was gay. One day a long time ago he just showed up in my dorm room and said, “hey, this is my boyfriend.” I didn’t know what to do at the time so I just said, “uhhh, … hello.” anyway at lot of time has passed since then the homosexual issue rarely comes up as he’s never had a boyfriend that lives in town. He knows that I think homosexuality is a sin, but also that i care deeply for him as a person. He is thinking of getting married. I know that it would be devastating to our friendship to not attend. I know most people will say I should not go, but I want to be there. I’m not sure what to do. I have the feeling he will need me as a witness to the faith in the future. Jesus attended functions of sinners and tax collectors while he was on the earth. So what are your opinions?

He is your close friend. You should be there and support him.

I think you have to be a friend and go. I am sure not suggesting that you let him think in any way that you agree with him. He needs to know why you do not agree. You may be needed later in his life to help guide him back.

I myself think that sex outside of a valid marriage is as wrong whether heterosexual or homosexual.

Wollie: I offer this simply for your consideration.

…but I want to be there. I’m not sure what to do.”

Based on your statement (excerpt above)…and as hard as this is for you…I believe that you know what is the best thing to do…the correct thing to do…just pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to do his will.
He knows that I think homosexuality is a sin…I know that it would be devastating to our friendship to not attend.

Why not ask your friend to understand this “attendance” issue based on your (spiritual and mental) well being…and not ask/demand that you carry all of the burden…giving validity to his marriage at the cost of working against your Faith/Church’s teachings and maybe your own conscience. This burden of the …“you compromise your beliefs”… scenario is too often put on faithfully practicing Catholics (by both family and friends). My simple point: if the friendship (charity) is mutual, why not ask/have the other person understand your dilemma…and “take you off the hook?”…maybe you can meet with him and his new mate at a later time/date?

Dittos. You should not have to compromise your values in order to contribute to the ongoing friendship.

There is really no way you can go without giving credence to the “marriage”. you can still be his friend if he can get over the fact that this goes against your religion, which teaches that homosexual acts are self-destructive. praying for you.

He knows of your feelings, and if he is really your friend, you will support him. If things are to change in his life in a direction you would find more to your liking, it will be because he remembered that you supported him much as Jesus did by example to those sinners whom he regularly spent time with. Your non-judgmentalism is to be applauded. Good luck

When I was in the army, I had a roommate who was a homosexual. She knew I was against it. Which I was due to being a christian. She knew all of that. When she got married, it was to a man. The reason behind this move was so they could live off post and do whatever they wanted.

Later, I was to find out that she came home to the Lord. I pray that she is still faithful to the only one that matters.

Personal relationships come before the sin. “Love the sinner and hate the sin” Jesus did.

Your friend knows where you stand. He needs you. Be there for him.

My brother is gay. While he is not married, he has lived with his partner for 25 years. If perhaps, they deem it necessary to marry, I would be there for him.

I agree with the others. There is increasing evidence that homosexuality is both genetic and/or environmentally induced. These people grow up feeling terribly rejected by society. They already have a big cross to bear.

I too would attend and wish him the best. Whatever you say or do won’t change him anymore than it would change YOU if tomorrow it were against the law for YOU to sleep with the opposite sex! Can you imagine how difficult it would be for you to try to develop a relationship with a sex other than the one you were destined for? These people are in a terrible predicament, as are churches. Don’t bring attention to it, but do attend as the loving, kind, caring, and respectful person you are.

One more thought,

Love God with your whole heart, mind, & soul and Love your neighbor as yourself.

Put yourself in his shoes and then ask your self if roles were reversed, what would he do?

I agree. He is going to get married with you or without you - your presence does not make him more likely to engage in homosexual behavior.

But someone down the road, he may have a change of heart. Your friendship through the years may be remembered and your counsel perhaps sought. That is when you can truly help.

The strong Catholic morals in this thread are amazing… :blush:

There is no debate on this. A Catholic can not in good conscience attend.


Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, authored by then Joseph Card. Ratzinger:

Nonetheless, according to the teaching of the Church, men and women with homosexual tendencies “must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided”. They are called, like other Christians, to live the virtue of chastity. The homosexual inclination is however “objectively disordered” and homosexual practices are “sins gravely contrary to chastity”.

In those situations where homosexual unions have been legally recognized or have been given the legal status and rights belonging to marriage, clear and emphatic opposition is a duty. One must refrain from any kind of formal cooperation in the enactment or application of such gravely unjust laws and, as far as possible, from material cooperation on the level of their application.

Agreed. I don’t know what is going on with this thread. You should NOT attend that wedding. I know it’s hard, but with the grace of the Holy Spirit, you can do anything. I know you don’t want to hurt him, but it is better to hurt him for a little while than support his eternal suicide.

In the world today, love is associated with the acceptance and tolerance of mostly everything people do. You can still accept him and reject his lifestyle. This is true love. I can’t help but disagree with the many who said support him. Supporting someone in committing grave sin is a hateful act. Even I struggle with this, so you’re not alone. But you can’t confirm this marriage by attending…it’s not a marriage to begin with…

We don’t support people. We support them in their actions.

Test that sometime. Go up to someone and say, “I support you.”

That person will ask you in what you support him, because the idea that you would just randomly support someone is silly.

We support a particular politician because he is running for office or passing a difficult bill.

We support a friend because he is investing in a new business or trying to learn a new language.

We support things people do.

So, when we show up at a friend’s wedding, we are not supporting a person, but supporting a person in his action.

Which means we support the action.

Homosexual acts are gravely sinful. This is a required belief for Catholics.

To support gravely sinful acts is sinful in itself.

To support an act that may lead someone to Hell (we don’t know one way or the other because we can’t judge eternal destiny) is downright cruel.

I’ve had to make tough choices like this. Not easy, but if we can justify showing up at the gay wedding, how can we criticize the person who drives his sister to the abortion clinic to show that he loves her and supports her and doesn’t want her to feel like he has abandoned her?

Oh, what does that Ratzinger guy know? It’s like he thinks he’s some authority or something.

One must refrain from … material cooperation on the level of their application.

Didn’t he ever read in the Bible where Jesus showed up to celebrate sinful acts? Or that passage in John 6 where Christ called back the Jews and changed his teachings so they wouldn’t walk away? Or that passage in the Sermon on the Mount where he told us that blessed are they who value true friendship over moral clarity for they shall enjoy the gay wedding reception?

Tough call. For what it’s worth, when Jesus went into a sinners home, or to a function of some kind, he would tell parables, and spread his gospel in creative ways. unless you plan on giving a parable or two at the reception, perhaps you should not go. It would be important to discuss why though, as thoughtfully as you can. You don’t have to be mean. If he’s a close friend, he should understand and respect your disapproval as much as you understand and tolerate his lifestyle. Friendship is a two way street. Having said all that, I watched a very disheartening documentary the other night on 30 Days. A Christian woman was sent to live with gay adoptive parents for 30 days. Usually in these shows, the person going to live with the people who are different than them usually leaves feeling better abou the people, and the people they stayed with usually learn something from the border as well. In this case, the Christian woman felt very shut down and alienated at the end, and the gay couple, (well one of the couple, anyway), could not accept the Christian woman as someone he could ever be friends with because of the fact that he would always know that she thought of his lifestyle as a sin. She would always disapprove of him on a moral basis. It’s very hard. There was no illumination to be found. It drove home the point that it’s just very hard to be Christian, and remain true to your values, and natural law, and that you close yourself off to a lot of society. Not out of any kind of meanness, but because the other people have an equally tough time believing that someone who disapproves of their moral character can still love them on any kind of meaningfull level. I wanted to cry for everybody involved. It was really sad.

You must be loyal to the truth of God. You can not approve of repetitive and unrepentant sin in people you love. You must also still love and be kind and helpful. To top that off, we must be concerned about our own sin, and not be judgemental. Disapproval is not judgement. It is disapproval, but it is viewed by the disapproved, as judgementalism. There is no easy answer. I had gay friends years ago, and I just lost touch over the years because of all my moving around and such. I was very supportive of gay rights and such before my conversion to Christianity and learning more about all this. I bring this up to say, I haven’t had to deal with what you’re dealing with yet. My prayers go out to you, and I hope that he is mature enough to truly understand where you’re coming from, and can truly understand the duality of the love of Christian truth, and the love of our fellow man, but the disapproval of that which is sinful and eroding our values as a people.

Homosexuals are the first group of morally disordered people to achieve the kind of societal support and props that they have. It’s an anomaly that we are all dealing with. It’s hard to understand how we got here. There has certainly never been a stronger and more pervasive lobby that I can think of, except for perhaps the pro-choice crowd. That’s a whole other sin that’s been embraced by society to the point of complete tolerance. In fact, I’ll venture to say that at least in U.S. Culture, the homosexual lobby is so strong and so successful, that homosexuality is now considered a virtue, in a way. Almost something to aspire to. While they, at first just set out to remove the taboo, in order to justify their actions to themselves, they’ve ended up having tons of people now who crusade for their cause.

All I can do is be me. I believe in God, and his Church. I don’t believe in cherry picking. I’m not a cafeteria Catholic. It took over 40 years for my conversion to take place, and I have no desire to ever let it go. I love all of mankind, as Jesus taught. I hold no grudges, and wish no ill. I forgive others unconditionally. And yet, I expect I’ll be at least sybolically spit on, and thought a hate monger for the rest of my days here on earth because I won’t say something is okay, that’s really not. I won’t give in, and as far as I can tell, either will the gay community. They have to learn to love those, and forgive those who disapprove of their sin, and learn to live with that as their cross, and we have to learn to check ourselves, and make sure that our actions regarding evangelizing to homosexuals is always done with love, charity, and care. We must never be motivated by hate, or even selfish or fear based intentions. Otherwise we should leave the whole topic alone, and leave the evalgalism to those who can do it without hatred. We don’t need any more Mr. Phelps’s running around.

Peace to all,


Yeah it’s difficult to not try and tell them that they should just stay single. I work with a gay man, and I consider him a friend, but I hate it when he talks about guys or past relationships. I just say a little prayer when he does, so that I don’t think any bad thoughts. He always laughs and says he’s going to Hell because of his orientation. I’ve actually told him after he said that, “Only God knows where you’re going for sure.” I really believe that.

You don’t need to go. The modern trend of indulging vomititious homosexual behavior is not in keeping with the spirit of God. Friends come and go, so don’t worry about it. As Jesus said “Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs”. If in the future, your acquaintence chooses to respond to God’s call, then God will foster the circumstances necessary to bring him to repentence.
I’ll pray for the Holy Spirit to embolden you.

Take courage, and speak the truth. He who does the will of God is your friend.

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