Having feelings for a guy who's discerning the priesthood


Hey guys! I’m a freshman in college, and a practicing Catholic :slight_smile: At the beginning of this month, I had the opportunity to go to SEEK 2015, a conference aimed at Catholic university students. I had a great time, and met a cool group of people from my university. Since then, I’ve started having some feelings for one of the guys in the group (he’s in the year above me). The thing is, he just broke up with his ex-girlfriend last month because he needed to spend some time discerning his vocation. If he truly is being called to the priesthood, that’s great, and I don’t want to interfere with God’s plan for him. At the same time, though, it’s kind of upsetting for me. I honestly think all I can do for now is continue being his friend. Any advice? I know he just got out of a relationship and he’s discerning his vocation, but I can’t help how I feel about him :frowning: He’s a great guy, and an even better Catholic than I am (he converted last year, whereas I’m a cradle Catholic who wishes she could have such zeal for the faith). Please help me out, guys, as I’ve never dealt with a situation like this before.


I think you answered your own question. Pray for him. If he decides he doesn’t have a vocation after all, plenty of time for him to pursue YOU.
If not, you will be a cordial and respectful friend of a seminarian in time.
Focus on your education. It will be less of a “problem” for both of you.
God bless.


It’s fine for you to have feelings for this guy–we can’t help having feelings. Still, feelings aren’t always the best gauge for what is best for all concerned. Has he ever indicated in any way that he has any interest in you? Do you really know him as well as you think you do? You may simply have a crush on him because you admire him so much. When a couple is meant to be together they know it–they have a mutual attraction that is based on knowing one another to the extent that they know they belong together. Unless you have that kind of relationship with him, it’d be best to concentrate on your classes, date other nice guys, be involved in activities and live your life just as you would if you’d never met him. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, of course, but don’t read into that friendship what isn’t there–you’ll only break your heart, my dear.


Whether or not he has feelings for you, you’re part of the discernment process, too. :slight_smile:

If a young man is a solid, devout Catholic who is seriously looking at his future, it is natural to find him more attractive than a random young man who isn’t acting like an adult, isn’t devout, and isn’t concerned with the future. Don’t beat yourself up over that.

So yeah, be respectful of his quest, and don’t build yourself any delusional castles in the air.

But OTOH, don’t assume he’s totally off limits forever; he’s still discerning. I know a very happy married couple who’ve grown old together. He had actually gone to the seminary until the point he discerned that it wasn’t for him, and then married her when he got out.

On the gripping hand (as we sf fans say), Br. Consolmagno got recommendation letters to become a Jesuit brother from most of his old sf fan buddies – and every single one of his old girlfriends. Heh! They were right, too.


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