Having Lived an Abysmal Life, I May be Demon Possessed

Hello CAF,

I’m not sure where to begin. But here I go.

It all started back when I was young, but it really picked up when I was eleven. I stumbled upon a Yahoo soft porn feature where it displayed pictures of women to be rated on their “hotness.” It gradually got worse, and as I heard sexual and perverted things from “friends” at school, I looked some of them up, some being very explicit.

I wasn’t raised Catholic, but that isn’t much excuse. I rejected baptism on a whim until age nineteen when I was baptized in the Roman Catholic Church in an emergency because I was extremely dysfunctional and very evil.

Some it it culminated when I was around age seventeen. I felt very dead inside, and I distinctly remember that my sister was moving the next day, my family and I helping. On a whim, because I didn’t feel like helping, turned to hate inside. I also made the decision that one of my very prominent sins, as I heard of mortal sin, though it was a mortal sin, I was going to continue doing it anyway. It was the beginning to my rejection of the belief of mortal sin altogether, although the conclusion to this wasn’t till years later.

So I was baptized, and I believe I felt the extreme power of God cleansing and entering my soul for the very first time. But almost immediately after, I became extremely scrupulous, and grew very upset at my father because I felt dejected that I wasn’t baptized when I was more ready. Before I was baptized, I meddled with demons, and felt an incredible stinging, burning sensation throughout my whole body as if I was being dragged into hell and was about to die. I begged my father for help, and he touched a crucifix to me, which burned my chest rather tremendously. Then he began praying the Hail Mary, and I told him loudly to stop before leaving the house. It didn’t get much better, and that was mainly why I was emergency-baptized.

I attacked my father some days later, and went to jail. I committed myself to committing more sin very carelessly, and with no intention to feel remorse, and I had an experience where I felt a point of no return. Finally upset with myself, I told God I would stop doing these things. It was another beginning to feeling a false sense of security about my spiritual state.

I had other episodes where I felt so out of control, I wanted to obtain favors from Satan, as well as inspire others to commit mortal sin, because I thought it was unfair I was headed for hell. I did other, notibly evil things. The Satan business and the hate stuck with me for a long time, up until last night.

It got progressively still worse, suffice it to say, and I got into summoning spirits with some people, trying to forcibly control others through channeling, and a brief stint of homosexuality.

I went to jail again, and over time, fell into extreme heresy where I thought I had to lose my free will in order to be predestined to heaven. Then I stopped believing in Jesus Christ, angels, demons, and was convinced God simply created us for no apparent reason. I still held onto a belief in God, but “Even the demons believe.”

I finally achieved what I had hoped for: living solely on instinct alone for four weeks. I thought I was amazing, had extreme pride, vanity, and hate for fellow human beings. Then, last night it hit me. I always experienced the ability of free will to escape my living on instinct alone, but then suddenly I lost contact with that free will. Shocked, I went to a separate room, and of course, in emergencies, I prayed a little. I had notions of needing to escape my downward spiral, but I didn’t heed the calls. They became progressively stronger until things snapped.

Worried I actually predestined myself for hell somehow, I spent the whole night lying mostly awake, recalling my distorted and wicked past life from the very beginning. I had let my down my fellow Christians in not living a life that they could benefit from, and this homeless person next to me on the street began saying things such as that this imaginary person, though I believe it was providence directed at me, had murdered 80 of their children, among other heinous things. It was a woman, and suddenly, I was struck at the thought that it was really Our Lady talking to me. I was struck that I felt absolutely no remorse. I had never committed murder, but I recalled a sermon I once heard where mortal sin is like murdering Christ. I was absolutely dead inside, the blackest I had ever felt. I felt as if I was an equal to Satan, and not only desired to destroy God, but to one-up God by rejected his very creation.

I got up, moved to another place in solitude, and began to pray the Hail Mary, trying to wake up my free will and conscience. At one point in the very early morning, I recalled that if you pray three Hail Marys morning and evening with the intention to honor her immaculate conception and perpetual virginity, you get great graces tending toward salvation. I had to force myself to get up and pray it, but afterward, I felt more resolute in prayer. I also recalled something else: that those who do not pray will very likely be damned.

Now it is today. I recalled something about praying without ceasing, and have prayed consistently to battle despair and another complete sense of loss of hope and free will. I finally regained some level of stability, but one very prominent thing is that I still feel hate through detachment. I don’t feel in touch with other people at all. I am resolved to praying until it is overcome, but that is when it occurred to me, after reading several articles off Catholic.com that I might be possessed. I don’t know if this is possible for me as here I am, writing these things, but I feel that there will never really come a time I will overcome my sense of rejection of images of Our Lady and the Eucharist. I feel innately mad at God for even creating the ability to live by instinct alone, which is absolutely miserable.

The world holds so many pleasures and false opportunities. From my childhood, I have been lost in one way or another in these pursuits. I have remorse now, but I am upset that it has taken thirteen years of infamy and darkness due to me being wicked. If God vomits out the tepid, how much worse are the wicked going to be treated? presented before God’s throne, then forcibly thrown with all might by the angels into hell.

I have not entirely given up hope yet, but although I have resorted to praying, and following my conscience, I have not shaken this extreme sense of detachment toward fellow humans. It’s like I still hate everything good, which comes from a life of extreme wickedness. I will go to a priest I trust, and lay out everything, and perhaps this hate stems from being possessed, or will be assuaged with prayers.

I am shocked, and have woken up to certain things, such as how much certain internet personalities sound like Satan or a demon in the way they interact and talk, insidious and offering of spite and such. Hate is a quiet thing, but it can be detected. I read once “The Story of Annette, a Soul in Hell,” and that people in hell hate all people. I think the same can be attributed to those in the state of wickedness, though in quiet ways.

Praying for your intentions.

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness and snares
of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the
power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other
evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

St. Thérèse of Liseux Prayer From “Story of A Soul”

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Amen.

Lord, thank you that you are with me right now.
Your love surpasses all fear.
I give you the anxiety I feel.
I surrender all my worries to you.
Clear my mind;
Calm my heart;
Still my Spirit;
Relax my being, that, I may
always glorify you in everything
I write, speak and do.

Amen.

Jesus, Help Me

In every need let me come to Thee with humble trust, saying,
Jesus, help me!

In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations,
Jesus, help me!

In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials,
Jesus, help me!

In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles and sorrows,
Jesus, help me!

When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good come from my efforts,
Jesus, help me!

When others fail me, and Thy grace alone can assist me,
Jesus, help me!

When I throw myself on Thy tender love as Father and Savior,
Jesus, help me!

When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me,
Jesus, help me!

When sickness and loneliness overcome me,
Jesus, help me!

Always, in weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind,
Jesus, help me and never forsake me.

Thank You, dear Lord Jesus.

Amen.

Sweet Heart of Jesus, be my love.
Sweet Heart of my Jesus, grant that I may always love You more.
Heart of Jesus, burning with love for us, set our hearts on fire with love of You.
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like Your Heart.

Amen.

Prayers said. All will be well. Do not fear, the Lord is protecting you.
Do not be lonely, your guardian angel is beside you.
Be comforted, Mother will watch over you, and the
Holy Spirit will guide you.

Amen.

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)

Amen.


**
My Jesus,
I believe that You are
present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and
I desire to receive You into my soul.
**Since I cannot at this moment receive
You sacramentally, come at least spiritually
into my heart. I embrace You
as if You were already there and
unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated
from You.

Amen.

Piarist fathers have taught this short act of
Spiritual Communion, popularized by St. Josemaria Escriva:

I wish, Lord, to receive You with the purity, humility and
devotion with which Your most holy Mother received You, with the
spirit and fervour of the saints.

Amen.


**
Thank You dear Lord Jesus, always and
everywhere, for everything.

Amen.

† **

Jesus, I trust in You.

Amen.

:heart:

:signofcross:

:blessyou:

Praying for you. :gopray:

Dear ThomasMann, In my reading I came upon a wonderful way to “pray without ceasing,” and it is something that the Orthodox practice faithfully, for the very purpose of keeping their minds on God. They pray it all day long and it is not unusual to find that they have prayed a thousand or more of them in a day. This prayer is called; The Jesus Prayer and here it is; . . .

[size=]“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have Mercy on me a Sinner.” [/size]

The constant presence of these words work to cleanse our minds while keeping further evil thoughts from entering. Our minds can only think of one thing at a time, try to make it a good thing!


**
[size=]Prayer to Our Mother of Sorrows[/size]**

Our mother of sorrows, with strength from above you stood by the cross, sharing in the sufferings of Jesus, and with tender care you bore Him in your arms, mourning and weeping.

We praise you for your faith, which accepted the life God planned for you. We praise you for your hope, which trusted that God would do great things in you. We praise you for your love in bearing with Jesus the sorrows of His passion.

Holy Mary, may we follow your example, and stand by all your children who need comfort and love.

Mother of God, stand by us in our trials and care for us in our many needs. Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
Amen!


MEMORARE
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that
anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thy
intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins,
my mother; to thee do I come,
before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy
hear and answer me.
Amen.

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Hi,

I don’t know whether you are possessed or not, but there are many things you can do if you are concerned.

The first thing I would recommend, is getting a Brown Scapular and wearing it, the following website sends you free ones - freebrownscapular.com/

Most of them come with small St Benedict Medals attached which is also another one I would very much recommend.

St Benedicts Medal - stpeterslist.com/8560/8-things-you-must-know-about-st-benedicts-medal/

Then I would simply recommend a Rosary and praying the Rosary or Chaplet of Divine Mercy when you can, I believe these things will make a huge difference for you.

I would also like to share the following which I believe will help given your post -

Please continue to next post -

I hope this has helped

May God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh

Hi ThomasMann,

Praying for your intentions.

Please don’t give up or despair.

May God bless you in your time of need.

Praying for you. It is never too late while you are still alive to change. The fact you want to change is a very good sign. Praying the Hail Mary, as you already are doing is a good start. Ask Jesus and Mary for help. As the other posters said, wear the brown scapular and pray the rosary. Use Holy water.

Ask God for the grace to make a good Confession. Make an appointment with a holy priest and follow his instructions. Make a good confession and ask God for help in forgiving yourself. Go to Confession frequently.

True demonic possession is pretty rare but demonic oppression occurs often enough. If after making your Confession and speaking with the priest, you still feel possessed, call the chancery. Every diocese has a priest exorcist who can advise you.

Ask God to help you love and forgive yourself and everyone else.

God bless you.

Divine Mercy Chaplet

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Hosts, by Divine Power, thrust into hell, Satan and all the evil spirits, who roam throughout the world, seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Just begin by praying.

Other posters here have posted good prayers.

May our holy and Blessed Virgin Mother Mary wrap you in her mantle of love and hand you to Jesus!

I can sympathize w/ you about thinking
of being demon possessed, when you
entertain evil thots and are caught in
sexual sins and lose hope of ever being
able to get out of the pit of sin.
Be comforted to KNOW that God is a
loving, merciful and powerful God to
save you from your sins, NO sin is
beyond the reach of His forgiveness.
Like the father of the Prodigal son in
Jesus’ parable, He has forgiven His
lost son ALREADY and is waiting for
his and your return, to welcome you
w/ a ring, a robe and a party to celeb-
rate your Home-coming!!

Glory be to the Father and to the Son
and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the
beginning, is now and ever shall be,
world w/o end.
Amen.(x3)

Today’s rosary and Devotion to the Infant Jesus of Prague went out for all of the petitioners here on the Board; that includes you.

Peace of the Risen Lord Jesus Christ Be Upon You!

May the Lord, Jesus give you forgiveness & peace. Amen.

Thomas…all I can say is make a good confession to an understanding priest and you will be on the right track.

I echo Jaime- try contacting your diocese. They should be able to connect you with a priest/ exorcist in your area who can help you. Praying for you…

Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You!

Dear ThomasMann,

I will include you on my list of people I pray to St. Dymphna for. She can help with mental disorders. Please follow everyone’s advice and pray. Pray the Rosary. Pray the St. Michael prayer. Do not base your faith on emotion but on the facts of the Church. You can be healed. Many people here care and are praying for you!

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