Still not sure on correct forums to post questions/comments:confused: Sorry this is long…
I am just recently getting back into the Catholic faith. I am 23, and was raised by a chaotic family that was a mix between half hazard protestant mother, and so called Catholic father. I did receive all my sacraments late.
At 17, I dropped out of school and began a road to many mistakes and grave sins. After 3 years of misery I began to turn my life around, get into college, and got a good job. I am now on my last year of my undergraduate and planning on law school. I want to be a lawyer that can advocate issues in line with Catholic views.
When I got a promotion at my job I was working with somebody very religious and he basically revived my feelings for Jesus and the Catholic Church. Long story but I could not stop asking questions, I started carrying a rosary, and the rest was history.
I have been reading and reading and trying to get myself back. I feel I am much closer to God at this point. Even had some very strange events that God was with me but that is another thread. I called my local Church on Thursday and left a message for the priest to have confession face to face and get some guidance on getting back. I have not been to confession since my first penance.
So, after talking and reading I have now come to the reality of how evil some of my sins were. Not sure I even close to knew at the time except they were bad. I have such guilt that sometimes when I watch EWTN and Mother Angelica talks about some of the things I have done; or Fr. Corapi, I will sit there and cry for a while because I have so much guilt I can’t even stand to hear it.
I will admit that I am very afraid of death. I feel like no matter what I do God is not going to forgive me. Now I realize this is not what is taught but is how I feel. I feel like no matter what I do, what I have done in the past is too bad and I am still not perfect. To be even more honest when I was going through these difficult years I impregnated a girlfriend and was all for an abortion. At the time, I just figured it was the right thing but now that I am more in touch with my faith I can not get over this guilt…I feel no matter how much I practice my faith I am going to pay dearly. I accept responsibility that I am just as at fault being the man in the equation. I am also ashamed to admit this to the priest, but I will.
I really need some guidance…Any advice is appreciated. I pray for people in purgatory on a daily basis now because I feel this is where I will be. Although I realize people in purgatory are saved, I am extremely scared and do not want it to happen.
How do other Catholic’s that have done wrong at some time in their life cope with this? The teachings of Jesus are loving but are also harsh for sinners and I can’t get over it. The feeling of constant guilt is unbearable since coming closer to God. I hope that getting back to mass and receiving communion (after confession) will alleviate some of the pain.
On a side note, is this a full online version of the bible? whereinthebible.org/index.php?passage=Genesis
I don’t have much money to buy one right now. Thanks to this site I will not be reading what I have. I had no idea that NIV was not a Catholic accepted Bible. It was given to me by a protestant aunt.