Having trouble discerning God's will for me?


Okay. So there's this guy. We make each other extremely happy and would do anything for the other person. We're just friends though and have never dated. However we both have VERY strong feelings for each other, and I know love is not a feeling, it's a doing. It's putting the other person's needs before your own. Which I would do for him.

I've always pictured myself with a Catholic guy though, and he has no religion. He believes in God, but that's it. I want to be with him more than anything right now. But there is a guilty feeling that I shouldn't be with him because he's not Catholic. Is that just me being picky or is that God nudging me in a different direction? Will what my heart tells me always be the same as God's will or not?

I'm still young, almost 19, and I have plenty of time to find a husband. But we have such a strong connection, I don't know if I'll find that again. It's the first time I've ever found it with anyone. My best friend's parents got married when her mom was an atheist, and now she is a very devout Catholic. I feel like that's atypical though and I can't go into a relationship hoping that will happen. Maybe I'm just having trouble accepting the fact that this guy is not meant for me and I'm looking for loopholes. =/

I'm so confused as to what I'm supposed to do. I've been praying about this but I still don't know. At all. Thanks for reading all of this. :)


Take your time. If it's going to happen it will happen.

If he has no religion, is it possible that you could share your religion with him? It is an awkward topic to bring up to a friend but if you approach this conversation with a calm heart and open mind, a religious dialogue can be started.

At one time I had no religion. It took a good friend talking to me openly about her faith to get me interested in God and faith. She ended up teaching me RCIA and being my sponsor at Confirmation. Now we cochair the Catholic organization on campus and we teach the RCIA together as a team! In two years, I have done a 180 degree shift in my views on God and organized religion. It only took one friend being a quiet and steady voice to me.

I am not suggesting that you badger, evangelize or even bring Catholicism up in conversation. Just be there to answer his questions and to give a good example of Catholic morality.

Be patient!


You are still quite young and certainly do not make a major type decision while feeling confused on an issue. Talk with this young man about what it means to you to be Catholic in every way including, if you are talking about marriage even in an objective sense, what it would mean to you to be a Catholic marriage partner - Mass, Confession, raising children Catholic, your position on birth control etc. etc. I think you will find that this will be an unfolding issue for you - take one step at a time and let it unfold and strive to keep your soul in Peace, pray about it all and trust The Lord to guide you. And don't make a firm decision while confused - pray and wait for clarity as you take one step at a time and allow the matter to unfold.
Best of all would be to seek some sort of spiritual direction. Few, very few, are skilled at looking at themselves purely objectively and unearthing all the issues etc. with accuracy. A spiritual director can do this for you. You could speak with your parish priest via appointments and ask if he can assist, you could phone your diocesan offices and ask how you would contact a spiritual director. Sometimes religious orders of priests and/or brothers can help as can sometimes religious orders either active and/or contemplative.

I think you might need spiritual direction to help you discern out where you are at in actuality and the way forward.

My best friend's parents got married when her mom was an atheist, and now she is a very devout Catholic.** I feel like that's atypical though and I can't go into a relationship hoping that will happen.**

Very wise indeed.

Maybe I'm just having trouble accepting the fact that this guy is not meant for me and I'm looking for loopholes. =/

This could be so - it may not be so. This is where spiritual direction can help. But I do suspect that you made the statement for a reason; however, I am not a spiritual director.

I hope other members may be helpful to you.

Marriage is meant to witness to The Church that Love that Christ has for His Church. Marriage is a Sacrament and all the Graces neccessary are bestowed. But it is a huge role for both partners in a Catholic Marriage. This is what St. Paul had to say:

Ephesians Ch5
Being subject one to another, in the fear of Christ. [22] Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: [23] Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. [24] Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. [25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it:
[24] "Church is subject to Christ"... The church then, according to St. Paul, is ever obedient to Christ, and can never fall from him, but remain faithful to him, unspotted and unchanged to the end of the world.
[26] That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: [27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any; such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. [28] So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. [29] For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: [30] Because we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. [31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. [32] This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church. [33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband.



I would take a look at 2 Corinthians 6:14-18:

Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What accord has Christ with Beliar? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said: "I will live with them and move among them, and I will be their God and they shall be my people. Therefore, come forth from them and be separate," says the Lord, "and touch nothing unclean; then I will receive you and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.