I am new to the forum, and have read quite a bit under the Vocations thread. I apologize if you have read/answered a post similar to mine - I am just looking for different perspectives/experiences.
I went to a Catholic all girls high school, which is where I first felt "called" to religious life. A nun came and talked to us about the first time she felt called, and ultimately decided to break it off with her boyfriend and join the order. The story stuck with me since then. For the past 4/5 years, I will go in phases of really believing I am called to just forgetting about it. It became an obsession at times, even something I dreaded (unhealthy, I know)
I graduated college in May and the past few months have been trying in that it is the first time I lack real direction in my life. No degrees to finish (which feels great!) and I am working part time at the family business while I search around. I will say that now, more than ever, I understand what it means to be in Communion with Christ. And even though I feel directionless, I really think my faith has matured because I am not just depending on God when I want to, I am submitting myself wholly to Him, attempting to abandon my desires to follow His will. I might be getting impatient at times, but for the first time I trying to look to God in everything.
A few weeks ago, the nagging question of religious life popped up again. I wanted to ignore it, but I decided to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day, in hope of some vocation direction. I will say that my heart has become a lot more open to the idea, though I dread it. I want to submit myself wholly to Christ, but at the same time want a husband and family.
I guess my questions are -
Will this fear of not being able to have a family/kids go away?
Could the fear be a sign of immaturity, or might it mean that I am not called to religious life?
Though I would love to fall in love - I actually really enjoy my alone time and freedom. Could this be a reinforcement that I am called to religious life?
Thank you for your thoughts! I am praying about this every day - just thought I would see if maybe God could reveal something through one of you as well.
Prayers and peace to you all.