Ok. there is a lot of 'talk' about how we live in a fast pace society, but I really need to talk about the nitty gritty details. I am sick of just saying 'there are not enough hours in the day'
I work full time, don't own a car so I am a slave to the bus schedule, I go to church once a week, bible study once a week (which I don't want to give up because I am learning so much), the gym 3 times a week (I struggle with weight issues and get depressed when the pounds come on, so I don't feel I can give that up) and have house work, laundry and groceries to do.
I just feel like my whole life revolves around looking at my watch ie the bus will be here in t10 minutes, gotta get a load of laundry in before the laundry room closes. Or immense time is spent thinking 'What is in the fridge, I better go to the grocery store while I can so I will be able to eat this week.
Or also, I spend time thinking 'Tomorrow I will be at this end of town near such and such a store, better pick up XYZ since I won't be near there for another 2 weeks'
And to be honest, I am getting exhausted with all the life responsibilities. I would love to be able to know I could come home and put my feet up and relax and be happy, but to be honest, living alone gets lonely so I try to plan activities outside the home to be around people, But it is very tiring to always say to myself 'Get out of bed and go here so you won't spend the whole day alone'
And when I finally do have some time to myself, I just feel 'weird'. I am an introvert by nature, but sometimes it is harder to be alone than others. I try my best not to complain because I know that being around people is something I can only take in small doses anyway.
I think the problem I am having is finding people I can just be myself around. At work, there is a level of professionalism that is expected. I understand why and do my best to be professional at work. At the gym, people are there to work out so I respect that and allow then to excercise and keep the chit chat light. At bible study, people want to listen to the teacher so I try to keep my questions to a minimun (which I am sure other people wish I would try harder :D).
But I some point, I really would like some friends that I could just have a coffee with and really share.
So..... that is my rant, feel fre to comment (nice comments no sugessting therapy, I think I have already made it crystal clear in several of my post I find that offensive)