Heart Divided


#1

Hello, CAF :slight_smile:

I have been thinking about my vocation, my calling, which I know is, first and foremost, to Christ, but I do not know what He wants me to do.

On one hand, I think I am called to the Holy Orders. However, I am terribly afraid of becoming a priest, because I have a horrible memory and no good communications skills. Also, I think I wouldn’t do well in a confessional. But I love to pray and study and I know this is the life of the priest.

On the other hand, I think I am called to Holy Matrimony. I have a girlfriend whom I love with all my heart and we plan to marry in a few years, Godwilling. I can definitely see myself living with her all my life, and she living with me all her life. She’s a little frightened by the idea of marriage, but slowly, she’s getting the hang of it. I am not pressuring her, though; I respect her free-will, just as God respects mine. I desire to immitate Him. I know that I am totally not worthy of my girlfriend, but I thank God for giving this grace to me. (All is grace!) And as a side note, I ask you to please pray for my girlfriend, for her spiritual and corporal health.

A friend of mine suggested that I become a deacon. That sounds fine, save one problem: college. I tried to go to college, but I failed miserably. The only class I passed was golf. So I don’t know what to do. I know God is calling me to something great, perhaps just to Confession (which is indeed a great sacrament), and I trust in Him to work in His own ways with me. May His Will be done!


#2

[quote=Eucharisted]I have been thinking about my vocation, my calling, which I know is, first and foremost, to Christ, but I do not know what He wants me to do.

On one hand, I think I am called to the Holy Orders. However, I am terribly afraid of becoming a priest, because I have a horrible memory and no good communications skills. …

On the other hand, I think I am called to Holy Matrimony…

A friend of mine suggested that I become a deacon. That sounds fine, save one problem: college. I tried to go to college, but I failed miserably. The only class I passed was golf.
[/quote]

Dear Eucharisted

First be assured that those who are 100% certain of their calling and go on to achieve it without having doubts and/or overcoming obstacles are in the minority. It isn’t that straighforward for most of us.

Also I’d suggest that you do not think whether you as you are now could follow the vocations you are considering. There are probably a number of years between you following most of them. You will mature and change during this period. You will receive training for most of them - considerable for some. (In my view this should include for marriage and bringing up children).

Also don’t give up on the idea of being successful at college - the person who goes next time may be very diffferent from the person who went before. Also the isn’t the seminary really another form of college? Strong motivation and help on how to study can lead to success.

Re communication skills these can be learnt - at first they may feel very foreign but this usually passes. Also priests work in a variety of settings - some are likely to suit you better than others.

Keep discerning and things should come clearer.

Best wishes

Salonika


#3

I think you need a spiritual director. Find a good, holy priest whom you trust, and ask him to help you discern God’s will.


#4

I was told I had to go to college before seminary :frowning:


#5

I do have a spiritual director, Father Chris Onyenobi :slight_smile: As I am unable to see him now, I created a blog so he can see my thoughts and I e-mail him when I need prayers and directions.


#6

I see that you have thought of both Marriage and the Permanent Diaconate. Both of those, extremely high and holy vocations.

I will pray for you. God bless.


#7

eucharisted—
it’s strange that i stumbled upon this thread, as i also have been doing a lot of thinking lately as to what God is calling me to do with my life. being only sixteen, and a very young Christian, and an even younger Catholic, i know that i have plenty of time to figure it out, and i trust with all my heart that He will lead and guide me according to His perfect Will. sometimes, though, i grow afraid that i won’t meet His perfect will for my life because of my own weaknesses, or that i will fail completely because of the darkness that remains in me. my plans for my own life are to become a religious writer, artist and missionary, but that’s not necessarily what God is calling me to do for His glory. it’s hard for me, but as someone else on this thread advised, i will definitely talk about it with my pastor, a truly amazing man who has helped me and blessed me so much, and see if he is able to guide me in some direction. i’ve been doing some heavy thinking because, like you, i feel that God is calling me to something great. i feel an extremely heavy calling on my life, and sometimes it’s almost overwhelming not knowing the specifics. i’ve never shared this with anyone, but sometimes i think i’m having premonitions of being called to martyrdom. i’ve had several dreams so far in which i actually was tortured and then died for my faith, and when i was at a worship night at my church, one of the men there mentioned that God might be calling several people there to become real martyrs, and i felt something in my heart so strong that i nearly started crying. i also feel an extremely strong connection with rachel, the columbine martyr, and feel a strong urge to buy her parents’ book—and i never ignore my urges, as they are usually from God. i know that God intervened when i tried to die for a reason, and i feel such a heavy calling upon my life and upon my soul, which gets stressful at times. so know that you are far from alone in this—i’m so sorry if you didn’t really ask for such a long explanation of my own feelings. i just can relate to what you’re going through so much, which unfortunately means that i don’t really have any advice of my own to offer you.

i can, however, pray for you:

Heavenly Father, i just lift up eucharisted to You now, and i pray that You would make real and clear to him, through Your Blessed Holy Spirit, what You are calling him to do in his life for Your glory. i pray that You would reveal to him Your will for his life, and all that you want, need and call him to do and to be for You. i pray that through the responses on this thread and through any other advice he receives, he would receive comfort and encouragement, and that he would hear Your Voice guiding and directing him along the path You have lovingly set out for him to follow in this life. i pray that You would strengthen him and prepare him for whatever his calling is, and pour out Your blessings and love upon him. i also pray, Lord, for his girlfriend, thanking You for giving this grace to him, and praying now for her spiritual and corporal health. please bless her, strengthen her, heal her and pour out Your Love upon her as well. i pray that you would bring eucharisted, his girlfriend and all those he knows closer to You, and i praise You that eucharisted already has the grace and the strength and the beauty in his heart to already want to serve You with all that he has. i thank You for eucharisted and how You have blessed him, and i pray all this in the mighty Name of Jesus, through the intercession of Mary, Amen. thank You, Lord. i love You with all my heart. Amen.

i wish you luck with all my heart, eucharisted, and please know that i will continue to pray this prayer for you and for your girlfriend tonight and every night. please stay strong, and please don’t grow discouraged. i trust that just as God will lead me in the right direction, He will lead you as well. please take care, and God bless you—and know that if you ever need anything at all, i am always here, and will always care, so please don’t ever hesitate to contact me.

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison xx


#8

Heavenly Father, i just lift up eucharisted to You now, and i pray that You would make real and clear to him, through Your Blessed Holy Spirit, what You are calling him to do in his life for Your glory. i pray that You would reveal to him Your will for his life, and all that you want, need and call him to do and to be for You. i pray that through the responses on this thread and through any other advice he receives, he would receive comfort and encouragement, and that he would hear Your Voice guiding and directing him along the path You have lovingly set out for him to follow in this life. i pray that You would strengthen him and prepare him for whatever his calling is, and pour out Your blessings and love upon him. i also pray, Lord, for his girlfriend, thanking You for giving this grace to him, and praying now for her spiritual and corporal health. please bless her, strengthen her, heal her and pour out Your Love upon her as well. i pray that you would bring eucharisted, his girlfriend and all those he knows closer to You, and i praise You that eucharisted already has the grace and the strength and the beauty in his heart to already want to serve You with all that he has. i thank You for eucharisted and how You have blessed him, and i pray all this in the mighty Name of Jesus, through the intercession of Mary, Amen. thank You, Lord. i love You with all my heart. Amen.

I agree with alison…and…

Beautiful heartfelt prayer…Amen


#9

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