Yesterday I had to use my husband's computer because I couldn't print from mine, and I had to download a printer driver ... and when I did, his download history showed three separate fairly hard core porn downloads from Saturday. There was nothing else in his download history, it had been cleared.
I am heartbroken. My heart hurts, my head hurts, my stomach hurts, my throat hurts.
I told my husband that I had seen his download history because I knew he would see the download I had done the next time he downloaded something.
Yesterday was my stepdaughter's family birthday party, plus I had a meeting at church, so I was just trying to hold myself together and we didn't talk about it.
He came to me in the evening and said that he was very sorry and that he knew it was wrong to download it and he hoped I could forgive him. I told him I would need some time, and that I just could not talk about it right now.
Thinking back, I do remember him mentioning using porn in the past, but he had led me to believe it was in the past. Now I feel foolish.
I refuse to believe this was the very first time he had downloaded something and I just happened to use his computer (I never use his computer) and I found it. That's way too much of a coincidence. Especially since his download history was wiped clean except for the day before.
I asked him today via email if he had stopped using porn from when he had told me he used it in the past or if it had been continuous. He replied that it had been sporadic.
I'm so crushed. I can't talk to anyone about this because I don't want my friends and family to know anything about this. I can't talk to my parish priest because he just does not have any interpersonal skills.
I don't know how to get over this. Our one year anniversary is next Sunday, and we were planning a romantic overnight getaway on Friday night, and I don't know if I can do it.