heartbroken


#1

Hey all my boyfriend whom i am completly in love with, he is also my best friend and confidant has broken up with me. The reason why is quite weird I think. He broke up with me because I a couple weeks ago I was having a lot of problems with my family and work so I was in a down mood and it apperently put him in a down mood, and his aunt pounced on the opportunity and told his mom about it and this is along with i guess a couple months of lies being told to his mom by his aunt, they both pressured him into breaking up with me. now he is doubting our entire relationship and wanting to ever come back to me. but he is not sure that he wont ever come back to me, so i am holding on to that small strand of hope that my soul mate will come back to me. and i am asking advice on what to do. should i give up and try to move on even though my heart will always be his, or should i wait here in limbo for him. or any ideas on how i can win him back?:confused: :frowning:


#2

I’ll pray for you. Pray alot too. Take a couple days of. I know it is very hard, but you can’t win him back in a single day. You should never give up, but you also shouldn’t wait in “limbo” to long. Being single is really a bad thing. Maybe this time of will strengthen your relationship with him because if you come together again it will be that much stronger.

Try to pray alot and go to adoration. Talk to God about it, because god understands even more than any human can. I hope the best of luck for you 2.

Take time and just say a couple things. “Your will, God, not mine be done.” and “Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death into life.”

I say those two things whenever I feel down or depressed. I really can’t help you besides that. I have been in few close relationships. I do like a girl alot though, but I want to be a priest, and so I am not a scholar on dating. Good luck.

With all my prayer,
Gabe


#3

wait, your best friend and confidant, to whom you confided your personal troubles and problems, told all of this to his aunt, who passed it on to his mother? That is not a confidant. A Confidant is a person who keeps what you tell him private. You are better off without a man who runs to his family with every private thing you tell him. That pattern of behavior would be disastrous in a marriage.


#4

This is excellent advice! You need a man who can stand by you through the good times and the bad. You need a man who is an adult, and has grown up, and can make his own decisions, without being swayed by others.

I know this hurts, and I will keep you in my prayers. But he may have done you a favor. In a friend, let alone a boyfriend, you deserve someone who will stand beside you through it all. Someone worthy of your trust.

Sincerely,

Maria


#5

I agree.

You will be hurting but let him go. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but age and wisdom are speaking here in both what puzzleannie said and what I am saying here.

Pray that God’s will be done in your life. Pray that He help you get over your sadness of this breakup and that He help you to move on.

Brenda V.


#6

I agree, too. You will look back on this with gratitude. Many of us have felt this way, but he really may not be your “soul mate”.

When I was dumped by a very serious boyfriend in college, I thought I wanted to die. Now I THANK GOD that He didn’t allow that relationship to continue. A few years later I met my now-husband, and I know that God allowed me to be hurt then, in college, so that I could have what I have now.

Good luck, and God bless you. The pain you are feeling will not last forever. Take it one day at a time. And trust in Christ. He knows more than any of us how it feels to be rejected.

Psalm 34:19 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.


#7

I second this. I was dumped by a woman I dated for three years, and thought I was going to marry. I was devastated for 6 mos. Similarly her mother didn’t like me and undermined the relationship. I had lost my job, and she didn’t like that I was down, din’t want to spend a lot etc.

Best thing that ever happened to me. Turned out she had cheated on me.

I now (5 years later) have a wonderful wife, who brought me back to the faith, and couldn’t be happier.

If he can’t take you being in a “down mood”, and is so easily swayed by his family, what kind of husband would he be?

God Bless and good luck.


#8

I will pray for the Holy Spirit to mend your broken heart and strengthen you.

Sometimes God brings people into our lives to grow from the experience. As hard as it is to hear, this may be one of those times. What we mistake for the soul mate, God only intended to be a passing relationship to learn from or to get us yet one step closer to His real goal for us.

It may take you some time to heal and grieve over this relationship so take your time but lean on God. Spend your time in prayer to find out how you can improve yourself and improve your relationship with God.

Many of us have been there. I did not date for 2 years after a breakup with a man I thought was my soul mate. Graciously God revealed to me His wisdom. God will bring the joy and dancing back to your life.


#9

You don’t want to end up married to a person who puts his mom’s and aunt’s feelings above his wife’s :frowning: You are better off without him and you should thank God for saving you much heartache in the future. Being a “mama’s boy” like that is actually grounds for annulment (which really means it is impossible to have a true Christian marriage with a mama’s boy): telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/29/wvatican29.xml


#10

The relationship is over, and it’s time to move on. I know that’s not a pleasant prospect but the fact is if you take him back he’s going to see you as a door mat. Threatening to leave you any time he wants his own way knowing you’ll always take him back. As other’s have noted someone that repeated everything you told him is not someone that holds a confidence. Quite the opposite, it’s a betrayal and such a person has no honor.


#11

As you can see, I do not think that you are going to get the answer that you were searching for. To me, it seems like you are holding onto the hope that this guy will come back to you, correct?

At this time you need to take a step back and look at what you want in a potential mate. What is it that is important to you? Make a list if you have to. But you must realize that just because you feel like you are in love, there is so much more to a relationship than that. You need someone that will be there for you in good times and in bad, sickness and health, heard that before? You also need to realize that actions speak louder than words.

Take the time to yourself to rediscover yourself and what is important to you. Maybe God wants some time with you, all to Himself, as He was not able to have that when you were spending time with your boyfriend. Turn to Him!


#12

Awww… you were lucky. You dodged a bullet. And your heart won’t always be his. Sometimes we hurt ourselves more by the messages we repeat to ourselves that prevent our healing.

Your heart belongs to YOU. And to God. And when someone actually kneels on an altar and promises to love you until he dies, THEN you give him your heart.

This guy is what we old people call “a learning experience.” He has taught you what you don’t want. He has taught you what NOT to look for.

Don’t sit home listening to all “your songs.” Go find new places to hang around. Get with all those friends you ignored while you were dating. Go to church more. Pray. Someone who can dump you like that because you were upset about something? Run like the wind! He’s too immature for a commitment.


#13

If he doesn’t come back on his own, you are better off without him. And, no you should not sit around and wait for him.

I also think he may have done you a big favor in the long run too. His mom and aunt sound like they control him, manipulate him and each other, and are all around B’s. You do not want to marry into a family where the son chooses his mother over his wife, or into a situation where there is constant backstabbing and manipulating going on.

Find a man with a nice family. Trust me on this one-- I married into a wonderful family, but I have many friends who have Mother In Laws from Hell.


#14

misza - So sorry to hear about your broken heart and we pray you feel better soon and be healed in mind and body and soul.

A true friend and confidant is one who helps lift you up when they know you are down and having problems at home and work. Rather than make the situation about themselves and feeling down because you are down, a trustworthy friend should do everything they can to cheer you up, empathize with your situation, and offer solutions to help get you through the rough spot.

It sounds like maturity may be lacking in your friend right now and he may not be able to provide for your emotional needs and support you through the rough patches. This is not uncommon in young guys who tend to see the world through their own eyes first and are not mature enought to project empathy for others yet.

For now and for your emotional needs, find a trusted friend to help you get through this rough patch. It can be a guy, girl, relative, sibling, counselor, adult friend - or don’t give up on Mom or Dad. Get your own house in order first and find the happiness you deserve and don’t add the complication of this relationship to your already stressful life.

In time, he may mature and be able to provide that support for you. But you need to address those issues now with a sympathetic friend and move on from the relationship. Hopefully, it will help you breathe a little easier, get through the rough patch, and help you see more clearly who your friends are in a time of need. Good luck and God Bless you and your heart.


#15

Misza, your boyfriend has made his choice. Better or worse, he has made one. It’s his life, he can do it. It affects you, but he can do it. Now both you and he have to live with the consequences.

I’ve been through a similar sitaution recently. The matter was religion, views on moral things, her parents’ view of me as well. It happened on 2nd Feb and I’m still hurting, but I’m learning to live with it.

You need to find something to do with your time. I really don’t suggest other men, dating, even getting to know people, just some activities with friends, something time- and attention-consuming. Charity work maybe?

Also, limit your contacts with him. They won’t go well, anyway, and they will hurt. Avoid harbouring resentment, but otherwise you really don’t need to talk to him.

And realise he’s not the only man out there. You sound like a caring, loving girl, and I don’t think you might ever end up unable to find a good man (husband). If not this man, then another, without implying that he’s expandable goods. That’s surely a loss and you were with him for a reason. It’s not like the event is just good riddance. But maybe it’s for the better. Take care and go on with your life. :slight_smile:

And I’ll pray for you. :wink:


#16

Hey there,

I am going to be a bit different than everyone else here Because I do know exactly how you are feeling, EXACTLY.well ok my situation was a tad more involved for at least 4 other reasons but i know how you feel.

I am not going to say you are better off without him, for several reasons I dont personally know you or him,I dont know about your relationship, and I am not a professional counselor, Only you know and you may not even actually know right this minute.
Its real easy for people to say your better off without etc. BUT you know what, if this works out in the end without you having to be a “door mat” you have a stronger possibility of beating the odds and staying together, Only God Knows whom he has planned for you, this man could be he,if you take advice and “run away” what happens to Gods Plan?

My advice to you is one dont jump into a relationship with someone else for any reason for a while, esspecially that so called “jealousy relationship” or the rebound one either, take some time to yourself, figure out what you want now, a month from now and 20 years from now, where do you want to be etc.
dont beg this man back if its meant to be it will most likely happen, BUT keep communications open…

But I wouldnt run away , nor crawl back at this point…

Good luck to you and I will say some prayers for you, course they havnt helped me yet you may be better off without mine…


#17

Being dumped is the pits. Totally. But, sometimes, these things can be likened to a silver lining in a cloud.:o I agree with Brenda and a few others.


#18

I am really sorry that this happened. It is better that it happened now rather than later. This guy was in a relationship with you and you told him everything he firstly had no right to discuss your personal things with his family. And another the two of you were in this relationship not his mother and aunt.

I understand that blood is thicker than water. But we all have choices in life we can either make good ones or bad ones.

He made his choice he choose his family over you I know that you something that you do not want to hear but sometimes we need to see the bigger picture. This man knew everything about you and has known you for a long time he should not have allowed his family to make decisions for him. At the end of the day there are two of you in a relationship not a 3rd party.

You will be fine. It takes time but pray about it and ask God for guidance. We can all tell you not to wait for him but at the end of the day you know this guy better than anybody and if you feel that he is worth waiting for then so be it. Maybe he is the one maybe he is not the one but leave it in Gods hands he will guide you in the right direction.


#19

Mizra,

I believe there is an old country song by Garth Brooks.  It is called, I think, "Thank God for unanswered prayers".  Basically it's about a guy who thought he was going to marry his high school sweetheart, but it just didn't happen.  He's very happy now with his wife and children and vice versa. They are both glad in retrospect that it worked out this way.  I think you will be too one day.  Good Luck.

#20

Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks is a great song for this situation. There is also a song by Little Texas called What Might Have Been that talks about the same thing.

“I try not to think about what might have been, cause that was then, and we have taken different roads”


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