[quote="olleg12, post:1, topic:442557"]
I don't know what to do. I'm gonna be 20 in a few days, it started when I was 16.
I don't wanna live, I wanna commit suicide, but I can't. My parent's won't be able to survive this.
But my life is already a hell, so what's the reason to continue to live. Every day I feel fear of going to hell .
I live in a city in Ukraine. There is no qualified psychiatrist there. I don't see the solution of my problem. I don't know what to do. I'm in panic and I'm crying.
I tend to believe I'm orthodox. And unlike protestants we are not sure of being saved. And once I was told that we should be ready to go to hell if Got wants us to. If his sun died for us then we should be ready to do the same or suffer in hell forever. And we should not be afraid of anything. But I can't. I'm paralized with fear. I can't study, work. I'm afraid of going to church or reading the Holy Bible coz I feel even worth. I try ещ
deal with it, but I can't. I'm afraid of flames and being Flared for eternity.
And what if orthodoxy is not true religion? I'm afraid of wrong choice as well.
The only way out of this situation for me seems in 3 years after I graduate from university and can move to EU or Kyiv and get qualified medical help. But I'm gonna commit suicide before that. I can't stand it anymore. Please, at least talk to me, I am desperate
I don't know what resources are available for you, but please look at the above link where the suicide hotline was posted. God loves you, he wants you to live, and doesn't want you to go to hell or even to suffer what you're suffering right now. Please take one step at a time. Don't try to fix everything at once. Thank God for your life and think of anything - however small - that you are grateful for and thank God for it. Pray to Mary about your fears and let her intervene for you: she won't be upset with you no matter how dark your thoughts are.
Look for help wherever you can. If you can't find a psychiatrist then talk to somebody or anybody that you can lean on. There are priests that can provide spiritual direction and do their best to help you in other areas.