Help a 14'er with impurity?


#1

I’ve seen many other threads with good advice for resisting sins of impurity, but I thought It might help me to give a little info. about myself, for personalized help.

I’m 14, so I struggle with some things a bit differently, because of sexual immaturity I don’t necessarily suffer from ‘lust’ after the other sex, per-se. I’m very narcissistic, though. I love the way I look, am very over-confident in my abilities, and seem to ‘provoke’ myself into sin. (Weird, I s’pose)

Being an only child, I’m a tad spoiled, too. I usually let mom do the everyday chores and I fail to take on responsibility.
Immature, in a word, describes me well.

I attend public school, and fancy myself more of the intellectual, though. We attempted the Ann Seaton Homeschool Curriculum for about a month, but I really missed my friends and became rather depressed, as well a stubborn when it came time to work.

I act silly with friends, and joke often. Though I do perform well in most educational subjects.

Sadly, I realize the extent of evil in my sins, yet commit them anyway.

Just today I got rid of my T.V. in my room, hope that helps.

I was raised and christened Anglican, but my mom and I later drifted away for obvious reasons. I attend a Presbyterian Church with my grandparents for awhile, and joined there while we attended. However, study of Catholicism and it’s theology drew me in, I love the Church and I find it very beautiful. I’m now in RCIA.

I pray the Rosary off and on, say daily prayers, wear a Brown Scapular, and have many medals. Nothing seems to help, it comes down to me wanting to commit the sin, sadly. I’m not sure what I should do. I frequent confession, (As I needed to make First Confession before Easter anyway, and the priest allows it.), and speak with a Spiritual Director about this, also.

Sorry for giving you my life story, but I thought It would help you get to know me a tad better for my direct advice.

Anyway, Pax Christi.

–Greenscapular


#2

you are not alone in this world… i think that the best thing you could do is to approach your priest in confession with your situation… i promise you, that he will not be shocked or ashamed, but he will sure make you feel better about yourself and your situation… i will keep you in my prayers…


#3

Greenscapular: You seem to have quite an astute grasp of your basic character -that’s admirable, as is your honesty.

First, know that Jesus is within you, fighting with you against impurity and calling you to something better and beautiful. Your frequenting confession and praying surely come from the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Don’t ever be discouraged or abandon God; He is not abandoning you in this!

You say you know that what you’re doing is a sin, and you do it any way. We all struggle with that; St. Paul himself admits to it! In addition to God’s help and grace, it comes down to self-discipline, the ability to shake oneself by the shoulders, so to speak, and actually carry out practically what you know you should do. I think it’s significant that you admit to being a bit spoilt, and letting your Mom do the housework. Did you ever think that your tendency to impurity comes from the same inclination to laxity that keeps you from helping out at home? That you’ve acquired the habit of being soft on yourself, so that you no more have the willpower to stay pure than to get off the couch and wash dishes?

I’m in NO WAY judging you- most of us face the same temptations. But I am suggesting that maybe a good way to pull yourself together and find the determination to fight for purity might be to take an active role helping your Mom. To me, they seem quite related. Only you can know for sure.

One more thing: Try to get a hold of Christopher West’s “The Good New About Sex and Marriage.” You say you really like your body and admire it–actually, that can be a very good thing. Your body IS beautiful, more than you know! Its aesthetic appeal is just an indication of its infinite worth in God’s eyes. Purity is honoring your body as a wondrous creation of God.

I will pray for you, and find it so admirable that you are striving to do the right thing. Your perseverence will reap fabulous and thrilling results, both now and when/if you marry.


#4

Thank you both for the responses thus far.
Another thing I might add is that my mother is divorced, we live with her parents (Who do a good deal of work around the house, too). It is true that my impurity and laxity problems are related, or at least I think so.

The admiration of myself is a bit on the unhealthy side, though.
Like I said, I’m pretty much a narcissist.


#5

[left]i have had similar issues since the age of 12, and one thing that has helped me is to wear a miraculous medal made of somthing that will not corrode, and never take it off. you can always kind of feel it under your shirt and when somthing pops into your head just drown it out with the prayer on the meadal (o holy mary conceived without sinb pray for us who have recourse to thee). its not 100% foolproof, and im not sure if it is a spiritual or phycological thing, but it works for me.
[/left]


#6

Sadly, I’ve worn just about everything and still sinned. I fear I don’t give enough respect to Sacramentals, I see their uses, and yet treat them as something common.


#7

Once again, I thank you for the advice I’ve received. I’m trying to become a bit more helpful around the house. However, I really don’t want this thread to die, I look forward to more advice.


#8

trust me just wering somnthing does not work. wht i am saying is to use the sacrimental for its spiritual good, but also because it is physically there, you will feel the object, a peice of wood on a string could do the same thing. you get an “itch” you feel the necklace and you remember to resist. i have struggled since 12, and only within the last month (i am now 18) have i felt like i have becoem able to supress over 75% of the impure impulses (action or thought ). but i remain aware that my will is weak and i NEVER take my nefound reslience for granted. peristance. peristance. peristance. peristance. it has taken me 6 years to get to get this far and its nowhere near over.

you are in my prayers. Honestly. I know how you feel, though i wish noone would ever have to feel that way.


#9

Talking from personal experience, such sins originate with thoughts. I eventually learned that you need to drive the thoughts out or the sins will be unavoidable. I use the following short prayer in moments of grave temptation:

O God, come to my assistance!
O Lord, make haste to help me!

Another tactic I use is to pray the Act of Contrition whenever such a thought enters my mind. Finally, try self-mortification such as fasting. The enemy hates it most when we deny ourselves because he knows it strengthens us against temptation.


#10

I think you need to come to the realization that nothing you have is yours. All things come from God. I believe St. Thomas More said something like:

“But now how many men are there who are proud of what is not really theirs at all? We are like someone who is proud of keeping another man’s gate, or another man’s horse, or another man’s hound or hawk. We are like a bear-keeper who brags about the silver-buttoned belt of his uniform-- who takes pride in keeping another man’s bear! Isn’t that how we talk about the things we consider to be ours and others’ possessions? If we consider the matter rightly, I can see nothing that any man can well call his own. But just as men may call the one a fool who bears himself proudly because he struts about in a borrowed suit, so may all of us too be rightly called true fools if we take pride in anything that we have in this life. For nothing we have here is our own, not even our own bodies.”

(Even though you’re not dwelling on material objects, I feel this quote is applicable to the vanity you seem to be experiencing.)

Although you may be fortunate to have many blessings, praise God for them by giving credit where credit is due, but at the same time humble yourself to get past the appeal of your physical appearance and start working on your inner beauty. Try praying the rosary everyday, and keep asking Mary to intercede for you on your behalf. I’ll be praying for you!

God Bless you,

Carrie


#11

You are not alone. I work with a Family Ministry called CFC-Youth for Christ (CFC-YFC) and they can help you. My daughter just entered the YFC and I have seen many young lives changed through the ministry.

YES, this is a Catholic Ministry and YES our teachings are in accordance with the Vatican.

If you have the chance, I would like to discuss this with you.

Feel free to either PM or IM me.


#12

Often this has less to do with sex than lonelyness, isolation and depression.

Keep your friends and healthy intimacy in your life. Not physical intimacy but healthy friendships.

There is something selfish and self absorbed about the habit. You need more folks to care about in your life.

Can you make daily mass? Make adoration more often?


#13

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