Help Advice about Finding good catholic Men!


#1

Hi My name is Kassandra and I am New here!

I was wondering where are all the good Catholic men? I have a strong call to the Married life and I am trying {really I am} to be patient in waiting for God to bring me the right man. But I thought of something the other day what if the only way i was to meet someone was over the internet. To me that is not a great option but i am willing.
I am not going to go to college because i think it’s just an expensiveway to find a husband, especially when i plan on being a stay at home mother.
So the question for all of you is shouldI lower my standards? They are set very high and i don’t want to lower than at all! What can i do!?!?!

Thanks for any help!!

God Bless


#2

If you’re looking for a man who can support a large family, chances are he’ll be at college right now. The daily mass at my college has so many college students, and I know many of these people will be active when they graduate.

I disagree with the going to college to find a man approach because of the inordinate expense of college, but if you don’t socialize with many men your age who are potential suitors you won’t meet many.

You might have to wait a few years for the men going to college now to graduate and return to the real world before you can meet them.


#3

Welcome

Apparently, they are all over on the thread titled “4 Us Single Men” lamenting their inability to find a suitable wife.

It is good that you are practicing the virtue of patience. The process of finding a good husband should center first around you becoming everything God is calling you to be. The husband part comes secondly. You have to be all you can be before you can give 100% to another person.

So, don’t focus on “waiting” for God to bring someone to you. Focus on living out your baptismal call in all circumstances.

It may be that you meet your future spouse via the internet-- that is how I met mine, so I personally think it is a great option. But, most of my friends met their husbands through school, work, mutual interests, church, mutual friends, etc… the “old fashioned way”.

May I suggest that this is rather short sighted and wrong-headed?

First, the primary purpose of education is not to find a husband, that is never how I approaced it. I did not meet my husband until I had been out of college for 20 years, and had a master’s degree along the way.

You will be responsible for you until such time as you meet your husband and marry. You will still be responsible for you even after that-- if your husband was to become ill, incapacitated, or die… you would be in a very bad spot, uneducated and probably with children to support.

Lastly, as a stay at home mom, educating yourself in business, home economics, education, or liberal arts will well-equip you to run a household, educate your children, and perhaps provide extra income to the house as necessary.

To assume that your husband will always provide for you and that you have no need for an education or the ability to contribute to the household, IMHO, is immature.

No, there is no need to lower your standards. However, I sense a need to mature in the ways of the world and to come into your own as a person-- wholly capable of supporting yourself, with your own interests and activities-- who can be a partner in a marriage when the time comes.

God may have plans for you to do some things before you marry. Be open to that.

If you are interested in online services, I suggest Ave Maria.


#4

Your profile says you’re 17–you still have plenty of time to find a husband! :wink: Always remember that guys mature at a slower rate than girls, so it’s really hard to find a good guy, especially in high school. Just trust God that He knows what he’s doing and He’ll bring you together with the man you are supposed to spend your life with. :slight_smile:

I completely gave up on finding anyone who had his priorities straight (God - future wife - family - friends :D) in high school…and it was only then that God brought me and my almost-fiance together through a mutual friend, at the end of our senior years. So just trust Him!

I’d say try online dating if you want, but in a few years. The average age on Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Singles seems to be about 30, and the whole online dating thing, while it can be rewarding, could also be very tricky.

And like the other poster said, I wouldn’t suggest going to college ‘just’ to find a husband, but I’d say you should think long and hard about what you do want out of your education. You’ll learn a lot, especially at a good Catholic college, which will really change your perspective on a lot of things (in a good way!) and bring you to a greater maturity and understanding of your faith and what you believe is important in life. There’s a lot of ways to meet a lot of good friends and potential spouses in classes, at Mass on campus with other students, or in student groups like Right to Life.

It’s also probably good to have a college education so that, were anything to happen, you could help support your future family. I know even with two college degrees and full time jobs, there are more than likely some financially trying times ahead for me and my future husband. I’d say the vast majority of the more well-paying, stable jobs today at least require a bachelor’s degree, which would be good to have “just in case”.

And while you might be planning on being a SAHM–there’s a lot of discerning ahead of all of us before we ‘reach’ our vocations. Be open to His plan for you!

Last thing-- NEVER lower your standards!

(Well, if they’re important ones…)

Important standards:

  • Catholic (or at least Christian, not hostile to Catholicism, and will allow the kids to be raised Catholic)
  • Believes that marriage is for life
  • Committed to chastity
  • Does not believe in using contraception / open to God’s plan for the size of his family
  • Opposes abortion
  • Caring, generous, not self-absorbed
  • Willing to sacrifice his own desires in the best interest of his family
  • Will be a good provider for his family
  • You are attracted to him

NOT Important standards:

  • Makes “a lot” of money
  • He’s “hot”

Hope that helps!


#5

YES! I would like a good Catholic man too please! Just one, that’s all I want. Please?:smiley:


#6

You’re right. Hot is not a requirement, but if it’s a bonus feature I’ll take it!!!:smiley:


#7

Hi Kasi!
Welcome to the Forums.

You asked where all the Good Catholic men are - I_A_ was right - they are at college. I don’t think you should go to just look for a husband.

But I would suggest going to college for yourself. Even if you want to be a stay -at-home mom - gettting yourself some sort of education or job skill is a good idea. Many community colleges or technical schools have great programs if you think a university is too expensive. You never know what the future holds - what if Mr. Good Catholic Man doesn’t come along until you are 30 - how do you plan on supporting yourself for the next 13 years (I see from your profile that you are 17) What if you get married when you are 20 but the Lord doesn’t bless you with children until you are 27? What if you are unable to have children? What if your husband becomes disabled or God-forbid passes away? What if you just NEED two incomes - wouldn’t it be nice to know how to do taxes, cut hair, transcibe medical records, tutor, or any of the other million jobs you could do from home, etc…

And even if you decide to not furthur your education you can still become part of a Catholic ministy on a college campus.

But before you worry about finding a husband, the best thing that you can do is prepare yourself - go to Mass as often as possible, pray for your future husband, work on any thing that might be holding you back from being the godly woman you were designed to be. That way - when Mr. Good Catholic Man comes along - he sees that you are the Good Catholic Woman he has been looking for.

And you asked if you should lower your standards - The answer is NO!!! It would be better to be single - than to be with a man who doesn’t love you as Christ loves you.

Two great books:
The ABC’s of finding a Good Husband - Steve Wood
The Theology of the Body for Beginners - Christopher West


#8

I also recommend the book Date or Soul Mate by Dr. Neil Clark Warren.


#9

When I was 17, I knew without a shadow of doubt what God had planned for me.

I would follow my father’s footsteps and spend my life in full time music ministry, and I would not marry or have children in order to devote myself full time to the ministry calling (being a devout Evangelical Christian, becoming a Religious would not have entered my mind).

Today, I’m Catholic happily married for almost 17 years, a full time working mom in the telecom world, and a volunteer teaching CCD and working with the Parish Teens.

I also swore I would NEVER live in Arkanass :smiley:

My point, have ideas and goals, pray about them and stay close to the Sacrements. If you want to make God laugh - tell Him your plans. He has a way of making life soooo interesting and different from what we thought was set in stone.


#10

oh of course :wink:

I just am constantly reminded that beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder…I think my guy is the most attractive one out there (sorry, ladies!), and he feels the same about me, but neither one of us is getting calls from modeling agencies! It’s funny how you just find someone who’s perfect for you in every way! :smiley:


#11

This is very frustrating! I wrote a long reply and it deleted it all!!!

So the points. I am an activily waiting for Mr. Right! I am Second oldest at home and I do well everything {not an exageration}. I am preparing for marrige by playing mom to my young sibs. I am also praying for him daily. I will know when I meet him cause he will draw me colser to Christ which is what I want! I am planning on getting more involved in my church we just moved here {house # 22}. I am learing about Business from my mom. I dont need college. It’s a waste of time in my opinion. Not so much for men but I think for most women. But I didn’t come on here to bash colleges now did I! lol:D

I think there was more but i am already out of time. So Any thoughts?

P.S. I am very conservative and I havn’t met any man young or old that veiws the church the same way as I do!

Thanks All,

God Bless


#12

If you are only 17 you are going to mostlikely have to find someone several years older than you if you really want to be serious about marriage now. Most of us guys between the ages of 18 and up to 25 are still financially dependent on our parents or financial aid. I would love to have a girlfriend right now and all that stuff but I know I am not ready for marriage yet and if I want to try and be a practicing Catholic and avoid situations of lust, it is best to just have lots of friends of both sexes. It is still nice going to movies with girls or on dates occasionally but at this point in time I have to realize the situation. I’ll be done with my undergraduate degree this year and then there are 3 more years of law school. When I approach the end of law school then it will be time for me to be able to seriously consider marriage and the financial respobsibilities of family. My guess is I will end up meeting someone and getting married at age 25 or 26 but who knows it might be even longer than that.


#13

It’s true older is better for those exact reasons! Men older are more finacial stable compared to a younger man. Also maturity most kids around my age don’t even know what they want in life let alone getting married and starting a family.

Some people think age is a big deal I don’t though. It’s just a number. Plus if I am to be truly open to God’s will in my life I can’t put a number on him.
I understand completely about school. Most young men between the ages of 18 and 24 or 25 are still in college and I applaud you for not wanting to get too in volved with a women with your current situation. It angers me how often it is that men who know they cannot commit to a young women just play with their heart strings of course most young women aren’t any better!

God Bless,


#14

well I think there is a difference between willing to committ and being ready for marriage though. One could be willing to committ and not ready for marriage due to being in college or not financially ready yet and it just means that it would have to be a long chaste relationship. Whille I am by no means even close to ready for marriage yet that certainly doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to committ to a chaste relationship that has the potential for marriage if I met the right person.

I think others have mentioned this but if you decided to go to college, you could at least receive a good education and have a back up plan in case you ever had to work. Then you could join groups and potentially meet someone. Perhaps you might have to be in a chaste relationship with that person for some time but wouldnt that better prepare you for the marriage?


#15

Go to college, Im a catholic man in college. Yeah you may go for your MRS degree, but its ok. My mom got married right out of college, was a great stay at home mom and when my little brother was old enough to go to school she went back to work. Just the way the numbers in church are going you don’t have a great chance to start out with. In most christian denominations there are more woman then men. There is alot of growing up to do at college. I attend catholic college in the northwest, most christian private college are 60% men 40 woman. Some its 70/30. Your best bet is to find a nice evangelical boy and convert him.


#16

Thanks but I think I will stick to the catholics!! I myself am a convert. I know what He would have to go through for me to marry him. I am VERY picky and he might be just converting for me and that wouldn’t do!

Plus I have NO desire to go to college it would distract me from my calling to be a mother! My vocation is not to go to college but to be a wife and mother! Did you know most women that go to college and get a job most of the time do not want to give it up for “just being a mom”! I don’t want that for myself. I was raised in a family where the man was the bread winner and my mom did her side business but that is all she would have never gone to work cause it’s not her job! I tend to be of the same mind set!
I understand that many men are at college. If I did go to college than i would be just buying time for him. I don’t believe in casual dating sure I would make some good friends. I do believe that friendship is a key ingredient to a happy marrige.
I am also sure many young men are “ready to commit” in college but why would you commit when you are not ready yet finacially. I am not saying to wait until you’ve had a job for years and years but being a women I would take that as a sign that this young man could be a real possiblity where the young man still in college not so much! Especially when i know that I will marry young. Does that make sence?

I wish I knew how to quote on these things that would help! but I think I adressed most everything!

God Bless


#17

HA I figured it out! ok I agree a chaste relationship is the way to go! In fact I feel sorta bad for my future spouse with everything he is going to be put through. I believe that any physical anything is wrong out side of marrige! It distracts one from listening to God most of the time. Plus how are you to truly get to know each other when you are constatly being put into temtations way. Sorry I am a BIG PRO-CHASTITY person! I mean truly chaste not just abstaining from sex. I didn’t mean to ramble but I am sure you understand a Little more where I am coming from.

God bless,


#18

There’s always the prayer “St. Anne, St. Anne, find me a man!” :smiley:

Seriously though, pray, pray, pray–asking St. Anne’s intercession is also very helpful. I know of multiple women who prayed a novena to her and met someone shortly thereafter.

In fact, my girlfriend was really struglling with discerning her vocation to the religious life or married life. She prayed a novena to St. Anne after a couple of her friends had their novenas to her answered, asking that if it was God’s will for her to send her a nice Catholic man, but if not she would know that the the religious lief was for her. Well, we met on the ninth day of her novena (which she revealed much later). So we’re courting now and things are going well :slight_smile:


#19

he might be just converting for me and that wouldn’t do!

You go girl! Absolutely, in fact its disgusting that someone would convert for the one they like as opposed to their first love of all, our Lord.

In any case, Kasi I would say not to think about it too much. Include the intention to find good catholic men in your prayers, and then don’t think about it too much after that. Otherwise, it will enslave you and won’t make you free. You have plenty of time to date, not much time to embrace God in your singleness. So that’s what I would recommend. Focus on your relationship with God. Much love,

-Alison


#20

I am just curious, what is the difference between courtship and dating? Oh, and don’t feel bad for your future spouse. Your definition of chastitiy may be extreme and not required for practicing Catholics, but since you say you are ready for marriage and therefore won’t need a long relationship before the marriage, your terms aren’t too unreasonable if you meet someone who is also ready for marriage. You probably would have to really try and explain your point of view and as I said even chaste practicing catholics are usually not that extreme, but it is not overly unreasonable. I hope you find someone soon but you are really young so you shouldn’t worry.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.