Sailor Kenshin, I agree with the others that love is a choice. But I also understand what you mean about wanting to just feel loved and I think that’s a need that we all have. It can be very hard when you didn’t experience that from your family. I was blessed with a loving family but there were struggles and often I felt alone. Also I had sort of a difficult childhood (I say sort of cause tehre are many who have it worse) but that’s the reason why eventually I turned to God. one day I was just thinking how empty I feel and I just wanted someone to understand, just to be a friend. I felt like even when I spoke to my friends, there was this distance between me and them and like no one could ever truly understand what’s inside of me. But I felt like maybe we all want this. I think now that’s an indication of our need for God… St Augustine said that there’s a place in our hearts that only God could fill. Since the fall, we’ve felt that absense, but have tried to fill it with other things. I know it must be tough with your family, but remember that God can use that very thing to draw you closer to Him… just trust in His love. If you don’t really understand it right now, ask Him to show you, what love is. Ask Him to also teach you how to love - I think we all need that, I know I do for sure.
That day, when I was thinking, I started to pray and suddenly I felt so close to God, and like He completely understands. Jesus was already my Lord but at that moment He became my Best Friend too. He healed me in many ways and I no longer had that bitterness inside. I felt like He completely understands us, and loves us, and cherishes us. When you look at people showing love to each other…and if that is painful for you…remember that Jesus shows us love in an even greater way, and that He loves YOU like no one else can EVER love you.
God is infinite love. He loves each person completely, individually, not just the “human race in general”. He gives His Heart to each person. When we trust in His love, we grow in understanding of it, and we’re able to receive it more. Love is not a feeling but it can involve feelings. God knows we sometimes have a human need to feel love, but also we can give love to another person without feeling it. We just have to wish their good and show them kindness.
About God’s love, there’s this prayer/meditation that’s always helped me remember what Christ’s love is like.
God bless you :hug1: