HELP!? Family situation!


#1

OK!! For the 1st time my wife and I have decided to bring our 2 families together for a Super Bowl Party. Here is the deal, her family is non-denom and my family is Catholic and love to party and drink if you know what I mean. Her family on the other hand thinks a sip of alcohol you are going to Hell!!

So here is the deal, it’s my house I feel like If I want to serve alcohol and have a drink fine, now I’m not going to let it get out of control but it should be my choice. My wife is concerned about that and saying grace before the meal. She is afraid her family is going to be offended. OK!! her Dad who is what you called a Very Spirit filled Charasmatic Worshipper always said when you come by my house we do it this way and if you don’t like it, then don’t come. So that is my feeling if they don’t like it that someone might have a glass of wine or a beer or say the traditional pre-meal Catholic Grace than fine don’t come. Also, she is afraid of the topics of discussion.

Has anyone ever had to encounter a situation like this and if you did, how was it handled. Thanks!! Please Pray for me!!


#2

[quote=uofl19]OK!! For the 1st time my wife and I have decided to bring our 2 families together for a Super Bowl Party. Here is the deal, her family is non-denom and my family is Catholic and love to party and drink if you know what I mean. Her family on the other hand thinks a sip of alcohol you are going to Hell!!

So here is the deal, it’s my house I feel like If I want to serve alcohol and have a drink fine, now I’m not going to let it get out of control but it should be my choice. My wife is concerned about that and saying grace before the meal. She is afraid her family is going to be offended. OK!! her Dad who is what you called a Very Spirit filled Charasmatic Worshipper always said when you come by my house we do it this way and if you don’t like it, then don’t come. So that is my feeling if they don’t like it that someone might have a glass of wine or a beer or say the traditional pre-meal Catholic Grace than fine don’t come. Also, she is afraid of the topics of discussion.

Has anyone ever had to encounter a situation like this and if you did, how was it handled. Thanks!! Please Pray for me!!
[/quote]

IMHO I feel that it is your house and you have the right to do what you want. If you want to serve alcohol, you are not doing anything that is wrong (minus the getting drunk aspect), since drinking is not a sin. There is nothing wrong with that. As far as saying grace, why not ask the Lord to bless the food that is used for our nourishment and theirs as well. They do not have to bless it, but by your blessing, they are receiving “holy food” (as my pastor would say) that can only benefit them.

Again, my view is that it is your house and you are free to do as you wish. Do not deny your Catholic background. It does not seem to me like you are doing anything that is anti-Catholic so I feel that you are fine. Have a good time and do not worry too much about everyone else. If you spend the entire day worrying about the happiness of all those that are present, you will miss the entire game, the entire experience, and will be upset in the end.

Enjoy the game, the commercials, the family, the food, let everyone else worry about their own happiness. They chose to have a good time or not. Just as you are not there to judge them, they should not judge you. Enjoy yourself, tell your wife to do the same.

In prayer!!


#3

Great advice MirrorMirror. Thank YOU!! I’m not as worried as she is though.


#4

I can identify, sort of.

My Mom is very uncomfortable with alcohol (“beer is evil”) but wouldn’t make a scene in someone’s house. In fact she encouraged me to go to drinking parties in college, perhaps because she didn’t want me to end up the same way around people who drink reasonably. But that’s beside the point…

The issue we faced/are facing is that my fiance’s parents wanted to provide the alcoholic beverages at the reception, which my parents are otherwise hosting.

The compromise was that we would have a champagne toast, toyed with but eventually nixed the idea of wine over dinner, and absolutely no liquor.

I agree that it’s your house, play by your rules, but not at the expense of peace between the families. Be armed with the passage about Jesus’ first miracle… that’s one that doesn’t need Tradition to argue. Definitely have available a particularly special non-alcoholic beverage to offer them when passing the booze, and make sure people know not to offer them any.

I hope all goes well for you!


#5

Our wedding reception. similar scenario, but we planned to not serve alcohol until an hour into the reception so they could leave if they wanted. It was at the KofC where my grandfather and uncles were all members so that little plan didn’t last.

I understand. All you can do is be patient and try not to be confrontational. If they don’t like it they can go. If I were you I would go to the Catholic Answers site and print out the information about drinking alcohol. If I remember correctly it gives a list of all the places it is mentioned in the Bible. If one of them makes a comment you could very kindly say “Oh this might be of interest to you.”

Drunken debauchery is a sin, putting oneself in a vulnerable state where they have no control over their faculties puts us in danger, we aren’t spiritually awake or able to use or senses or protect ourselves. Putting our lives or other lives in risk is a sin, such as in drinking and driving or binge drinking. Simply drinking alcohol in moderation or even having a buz is not, as long as it doesn’t cause a person to sin

During Grace you could do what we do in our house. We make the sign of the cross and pray the rote "Bless us oh LOrd " prayer then the leader prays spontaneously and then asks for special intentions, when everyone is finished we all say Amen and “sign out.” This is just a good practice to have as a family. You might want to avoid the “asking for special intentions” if you think someone could turn it into a way to take over the prayer and preach from the pulpit, but in the right company it is nice.

Try to get to a place of peace and love before the party. Tell yourself that all that matter is that Christ is present in your home, if you are “right” with God then another person’s opinion which goes against your beliefs is just an opinion, nothing to be insulted about, or get upset about.

If someone does say something regarding alcohol, they are trying to ruffle your feathers. Say something like “Well, you are entitled to your opinion, I can certainly respect that,” and brush it off. If they persist, just give them the printout. Repeat that you respect their opinion and hope that they can respect yours. Remain calm and loving, no matter how you may feel.
Let them have an opportunity to see a good Catholic man in his home. Be an example of Christ’s love and charity and with the printout they will see that you love and follow the Bible. In their eyes you will be representing the Catholic Church, Represent, my friend, represent!


#6

We’re in the same or similiar boat as you. Only NEITHER of our families are Catholic and neither is my dh.

It’s your house. Say grace the way you say it all the time. Have beer with your burger if you want. No one is making them do those things with you. I’d just do them in the normal everyday manner and leave it at that.


#7

I agree, it is your house and you should be able to do as you please. If someone is uncomfortable then it is their perogative to leave. You wouldn’t want to be viewed as a hyprocrite, would you? Just practicing your faith when it is convenient and letting it slide because not you, but those who do not believe as you, are uncomfortable. We should be proud of what we believe. And as for the drinks, enjoy!


#8

Man, what are you worried about? I mean, it’s not like you were rooting for Seattle and they were rooting for Pittsburgh! Now THAT would be a problem.

Do your own thing. Not in an in-your-face kind of way but if FIL believes he is the master of his own home, he should respect you for being the master of yours.


#9

Yes, I can relate. I was raised by United Methodist grandparents, but the rest of my family of origin was Mormon; the tension over saying grace was sometimes unreal.

I think you need to discuss your position with your wife and as a united front talk to her parents before the party about the things you’ve mentioned here. Give them the opportunity to bow out if they would be uncomfortable, but don’t be confrontational about it. Understand that your DW may be tied up in knots about being seen by her parents as rejecting what they taught her and accepting the traditions of your family, especially in front of your family. Good luck.


#10

Since you asked:twocents:…

…I think you should both relax.

Have your in-laws been anti-Catholic in the past? It doesn’t sound like it, but maybe I missed that part. If not, remember you are a grown-up and it is your house. Don’t create a problem where none exits.

You do not have to do anything extravgant to make the non-Catholics stand out more than the Catholics. You wouldn’t force a buddy to drink a beer, or your brother, right? So, get the coolers filled up with whatever alocholic beverages you plan on serving, as well as non-alcoholic beverages. If there’s something the non-Catholic really like to drink (I have a family member who is a Dr. Pepper freak, loves the stuff), you might want to lay in a supply of that. As mercygate said, you are not out to do an in-your-face kind of thing, creating a confrontation. Just be your normal selves.

You are the husband and father. Say grace. I would reverse the order suggested by praying the intentions first, calling for special intentions or “unspoken requests” as the Protestants I know call them, do a close to that, along the lines of “Father, we lift these needs and desires of our heart to you, as we all say, Bless us, O Lord…” and let anybody who knows that grace say it along with you.


#11

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