I almost don’t know where to begin with this.
I come from an abusive household where my mother physically beat us and called us names. I can’t tell you the number of times I was called a slut and told that she wished I’d never been born. Of course, all of us children got that. There were 2 children by blood (my sister and I) and 2 foster brothers (one committed suicide and the other is on the other side of the country and keeps in touch sporadically). My father was in the military and was away a lot and didn’t participate much in our lives. He just sort of stepped back and let my mother lead.
My sister is gay and ‘married’ to her partner and they have a son via IVF. My sister has always been a very demanding and selfish person from as early as I can remember. I always took second place because it was easier and my mother let it happen because it was easier.
Anyway, for a few years my parents spent time with my children and that was great. Now that my sisters child has come along they’ve all but dumped my children and myself. I took a step back so that they could work their lives around my sister and her son so they could spend time with him. They have to follow all her rules and basically do what she says or they can’t see the little boy.
I can live with taking a backseat most of the time. What really hurts is that if my parents and I have made plans with each other and my sister calls they will dump me and run to her. This is blatant and I was pretty much told yesterday that “that’s the way it is” because they have to follow sister’s rules and do what she wants.
I am just devastated. I guess thinking that I was not as loved/important or whatever for most of my life is different than KNOWING that I was right. My mom told me as much on the phone yesterday.
Actually, what started the whole thing yesterday was that I was concerned because my mom had lied to our priest. I have just recently returned to the church (my husband does not go) and my parents decided to go with me. My mom has told many people at the church that it was my fault that she stopped going to church in the first place (I was 12 when we stopped going). Anyway, she told the priest that she had been attending a protestant church with me in the last 2 years. She made it sound like she’d been going often when in fact she only went once. To me that is a lie and I went to her with concern that she should rectify that…well, it went downhill quickly from there.
Now she has told me that she won’t be going to church any more and that is my fault too. I also was told that I was a snob and that I should just go hang out with my rich friends and blah blah blah. Funny thing is my sister makes as much as my husband does and her spouse works also - I stay home. The difference is that when I am out with my mother, I pay for everything…my sister spends her money on herself and then asks my parents to buy her a car (she turns 40 next month). Argh!
Anyway, how do I honour and respect my parents and show love to my sister through all of this? I waver on not talking to them to save my emotional sanity to feeling like I should take it and suffer through.
Thanks for your input.