[quote="Debbie58, post:4, topic:233612"]
Katie and Carolyn........she just turned 20....but is a very "young" 20. She has not come from a broken home nor had to deal with a lot of things that force kids to have to grow up fast these days. We have no divorce in our family, but all her friends do. Most of her friends were pregnant by age 18. Some have married and since divorced. They are all supporting her and telling her how wonderful it all is. Even some Catholic family members are encouraging them and even giving them advise on contraception.
The guy is Catholic, but the family is very liberal in their views. His mother has something like 7 kids (she is 52 and her oldest is 35) all by different guys. Some she married others not. His Stepfather doesn't seem to mind the whole "shacking up" thing...so I feel no one is on our side and she is not being given good advise by those around her...including family members. They see her father and I as archaic.
This must be such a tough situation for you. Unfortunately, all you can do for her at this point is to pray. She is a legal adult and will make her own decisions. But cutting her off won't do anything good for her. It sounds like she has very few positive influences in her life right now. The best thing for her would be for you and your husband to try and remain on good terms with her, so that you can be positive influences on her life.
Sometimes kids will surprise you. This might work out for her, and it might not. I guarantee you that my parents thought I was very young when I announced I was marrying my husband when we were just 19. But they stuck by me. They told me that they didn't agree with all of my choices, but they would always love me. Much to their surprise, my husband actually turned out to be a pretty great guy. The important thing was that they still supported me through the whole thing. You don't have to support her financially if you don't agree with her decisions. And you should let her know that even though you don't agree with her, you will always love her because she is your daughter.
She called the police and told them I was holding her against her wishes Saturday night. I was refusing to let her leave. She called her sister to come get her and she has been living with her since. We tried talking to her. We tried compromising and moving the wedding date up so it wasn't so far away in her mind. Nothing we do seems to satisfy her. All she says is "It's not what I want". We have offered her everything to help them out....and she can't seem to respect our wishes.
That's unfortunate that she felt the need to get the police involved. Perhaps she feels like you're not respecting her wishes, either. It sounds like in her mind, she's an adult and she's made her decision, but you are trying to force your decisions on her. It's quite possible that she felt trapped, and she acted out in this way as a way of showing you that she's making her own decisions now. I'm not in any way saying that it was right of her to call the police. I'm just saying that I can understand where she could be coming from.
Maybe the best thing is to let them get married by a JP. At least the church does not recognize the marriage and when it fails in a few years, she doesn't have to do the whole annulment process.
Her Dad and I have been heartsick over this. We have prayed very hard. I've considered speaking to a priest and getting some counciling, but I'm not sure if she would go for that. I appreciate your kind words and advise.
Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but even in the case of a JP wedding, she would still have to apply for an annulment if she divorces and wants to remarry in the future. Keep praying for her. Even if your daughter doesn't want to go to counseling, it would probably be a good idea for you and your husband to go. It might help you deal with some of the painful feelings you're experiencing right now. Keep praying!