hello, thank you for reading my thread. It’s been a rough week and a half for me and my wife. I’ve really been hit hard by depression and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been married for a little over 3 years to a wonderful, loving, supporting, caring wife who I love very much. I’ve been battling ups and downs pretty much since we started dating 6 years ago and it seems to have gotten a lot worse lately. I go through periods of feeling nervousness, anxiousness and irritability and it makes for a not so fun home life. But then there are times and periods where I feel fine and completely relaxed with her and our home life and it’s like heaven. And I remember a couple years ago after a down period had passed and I was feeling pretty good. I hugged my wife on our couch really hard and prayed to God that I always remember this moment for when I go through a down period again to remind me how good it feels to hold her and feel God’s love that way. She was my first real relationship and the nervousness and worry I felt before we got married I just felt would get ironed out and eventually go away. But it always seems to creep it’s way back in and builds into a monster and I think it’s come to a head in these past few weeks. I often wonder if I should have gotten married in the first place and wonder if those thoughts are always going to poison our marriage.
I want this to work out with all my heart, I just want to be relaxed and enjoy our marriage. There are no real reasons for these feelings, we get a long, we don’t fight much and if we do we try to resolve it right away and put it in perspective, we both work to pay the bills, we both split duties at home. Neither of us are abusive towards each other or talk bad about each other to other people. We respect and trust each other. She loves me so much and is fighting along with me to fix this. She is always encouraging me that it will get better. She prays for me all the time along with her mother who is a great example of a Catholic. I’ve been praying so much as well.
My father has been battling depression for the past 2 years and my aunt (father’s sister) has been bi-polar for a long time so I know it runs in the family so I hope that is it and not that fact that I am married. I’ve always been kind of a moody person and a quiet more introverted type and can point to times in my past where I’ve had some blue periods. But never like this. I also do not have any close friends outside my wife here. My last good friends moved out of state about 4 or 5 months before I started dating my wife. It’s hard for me to make friends and think that may be contributing to the problem too.
I’ve seen 2 doctors about this this past week, one psychiatrist who believes it is a chemical imbalance due to symptoms and family history and prescribed me some medicine and I’ve been taking that for 2 days now. I know it may take a while to find the right amount to work for me, but I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful that it works. I really hope that is it and once that gets better, everything else will fall into place. My father said they really have helped him and he’s been feeling really good lately. I saw another psychologist who is really just trying to work on the issues and finding the root of the problem. I’m not sure I like him though, I’m afraid he’s going to come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be married and should be on my own to really fix this.
I really, REALLY don’t want my marriage to fall apart, but there’s always a little voice in the back of my head that thinks that may be the only way to break free of these nervous, anxious, depression feelings. I just want some peace, and a happy ending.
Please pray for me.