Help! Friend working at Planned Parenthood



If she is really ill from the effects of infertility, she might very well be using this as a form of anger/release because she cannot have babies of her own. So why not help others to NOT have babies so I don’t have to deal with seeing yet another pregnant woman. You think I’m out of my mind…think again. The depression that stems from infertility can equal that of a person who has CANCER!

I’m not saying that this is where your friend is exactly, but I wouldn’t doubt it. Especially due to the suddenness in taking such a job. I have actually had to fight such feelings myself. There’s nothing more I hate than having such a horrid thought go through my mind, but they do. This woman is just choosing to act on those thoughts, whereas my faith makes me strong enough to push them away.

She NEEDS a friend who understands and can sympathize with her infertility problems. Can you be that friend? I recently put a meditation about this on the pregnant mommies thread. Sometimes its hard to imagine what someone like her is going through, until you have been there yourself.

In a nutshell…how would you feel if God told you that you could never, EVER have a baby. Not not have ANOTHER baby, never HAVE a baby at all. Not even the children you have now. What would your life be like if your children didn’t and couldn’t exist? No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get pregnant, and every where you go there’s yet another pregnant mother staring YOU in the face. That is just a sliver of the pain that this woman is experiencing from infertility. Just a sliver!

She needs compassion, support, understanding, sympathy, and love. She needs a friend, a good friend who can help her work through this mess from its roots up. Maybe, just maybe God is calling you to be that friend. If not, maybe you can help her find a good friend with similar problems to talk to.

I am certainly in no way saying that working where she is or IVF is good. Far from it. But if you better understood infertility, then you could better understand why someone in the midst of it might make these horrible decisions. Doesn’t make them right at all, just explains why they might do these horrid things. And how desperately she needs a good friend who truly understands where she is coming from, whether that is “right” or “wrong” is not the true issue here.




OMGOSH Convert99 just nailed this!
I hadn’t even thought of it like that before…



Because of her infertility problems, we have grown apart because I am 6 months pregnant. She said that she just can’t see me right now. In the past 6 months I have seen her one time. I call her maybe once a month or so. I am trying to keep the doors open. When I called her, she told me of her “exciting” new job. I thought I was going to cry. We are such polar opposites! She wants to work there. She is big into feminist stuff. She thinks that they do so much good in educating and prevention of disease and pregnancy. We basically have ignored these topics in our friendship, thus far. It just hasn’t been an issue. She is the type that says I would never have an abortion, but I think women should have an option. She doesn’t think that the current system offers enough other options to women than abortion. I have tried to tell her about all the other options to abortion, but doesn’t think that it is enough. I believe that she knows it is a baby, but doesn’t want to get all religious and political about it. She is non-religious or church going overall, but celebrates Easter and Christmas with gifts and get togethers. I am not sure if she ever prays. I have been praying that God leads her in another direction (when she was considering IVF) but now this, too.

What can I do? I am a strong Catholic, no where near her beliefs. I am pregnant and she hates to see me because of her infertility. I know that it is hard to believe, but we have been best friends for over 10 years. This is all new in the last year or so. I am sad to lose my friend and I don’t want to. I want to see her turn to God and I want to help, but I am not sure how to do it.



It is certainly possible for you to provide her with info on what exactly takes place during an abortion. Many folks, if not most, do not realize what actually happens to the baby or the mama during this procedure. If she is as sensitive about her infertility as you claim and as desirous of a baby of her own, it would seem impossible that she could abide the specifics of the abortion procedure. The literature available can describe abortion and provide graphics, drawings, and descriptions that are a bit less controversial than some of the photos you may have seen outside abortion clinics or on the sides of busses. Those things have their place, but a detailed description with drawings can be equally effective.

The most important thing you can do is pray, pray, pray. You are called to pray for your friend but don’t forget to pray for yourself. God will guide you through this situation.

As an example, I’ll share this story. My daughter in law told me a few years back that she was pro-abortion. I should not have been shocked, considering how she and my son were both raised. I knew she had been yearning to get pregnant for some time and couldn’t imagine how she could square this yearning with the belief that abortion was acceptable. So I began my campaign and provided her with lots of info and literature. I know she resented it, especially because I had lived most of my life as a radical feminist, anti-Church, anti-God hedonist. But I prayed constantly and she did read the information. A few months passed, during which time she did not wish to engage in dialogue about abortion and maintained that she had decided she personally would never have an abortion but could not agree that this should be enforced through the law. One day she called me crying and told me she had just come back from viewing the “Bodies Exhibit” at the Museum. When she saw the display of a 9 week old fetus in the womb, she was shaken to her core. She had not realized this “blob of cells” was actually a baby until she saw it for herself. It changed her completely. There is no doubt in my mind that God was at work in this event. I may have planted the seeds, but His hand gave the final push.



I could never be friends with someone who works for the largest baby-killing organization in the world. Period. And I would tell any friend of mine that.

She’s doing fundraising? Great, that means she is helping them spread their message and gathering the money they pay lobbyists to help them get any and all restrictions on abortion repealed. She’s at the center of what they do.

Your friend is a weak, mean, and selfish person. A real friend, even though in pain from her own misfortune, would be happy for your good fortune, not punishing you for it. Why are you so intent on keeping this person in your life? I am sure you have other friends who add something to your life and are supportive. This one just seems to be draining you.

As for what Jesus would do… He forgave the prostitute and saved her from stoning, then told her to sin no more, and then He left to continue his life’s work. He didn’t stay there constantly working on her, begging her to change, trying to show her the right path. He knew she knew the right path, but it was her responsibility to find it.




**This makes it seem all the more that her trouble with infertility is the main factor behind this other problem. Start with being her friend. Don’t condone what she does, because it is wrong. But go to her where she’s at, and NOT to PP. :stuck_out_tongue: I mean love her where she is at right now. See that she is a suffering soul and needs love and support (again not supporting the PP thing) right now.

She needs to know she is not a leper for being infertile (she already feels the outcast as it is) and that she is just as loved by you, the world, and God with no babies, as she would be if she were blessed with an army. She really needs to know this. She needs to know she is not alone, and that she is still good and worthwhile babies or no. You would not believe the things that I have heard people saying that infertile people are not “good” catholics because we don’t have kids. And if they sorta understand but not really…then its “we’re not trying hard enough.” It really does make you feel the outcast, excluded, alone, lonely. Like if members of my own church put me down, then I must be horrible for being infertile.

These are just some of the things she is dealing with and needs your help (or that of another) in working with and through.

If she’s ultra turned off by you right now, and I know that I too struggle greatly with seeing pregnant women, maybe try to find a good at least Christian, if not a Catholic Christian that has (or is) suffering from infertility problems. Have them reach out to this person. They can help her right now in ways you might not be able to. :slight_smile:




No, but you can’t work there if you aren’t willing to advise pregnant women to abort their children.

Even though she would not be performing the abortions herself, she would still be complicit in the deaths of innocent children. (And I ask myself once again, how did we come to this? How do people who seem otherwise rational come to think that it is “okay” to kill the most innocent of all children?)



**Yep. It’s immoral to cooperate in ANYway in the culture of death. Whether that is in performing, obtaining, promoting, or condoning and abortion (also euthanasia, assisted suicide, capital punishment, etc.) This includes even driving a pregnant woman to the clinic, or making the phone call on someone’s behalf. That would CERTAINLY include working for the abortion clinic whether directly or indirectly. It is all grave matter and thus a grave sin.

The exceptions in gravity that the catechism makes is if it is forced or coerced. The woman of a forced or coerced abortion is not held to the same degree responsible as a woman who obtains one of her own free will. But those who force or coerce the abortion will be held at an even greater standard, due to the seriousness of not only helping, but forcing/coercing an otherwise innocent mother and child to it’s or even their death. The same applies to assisted suicide, euthanasia and the like.



Jeez, back off! I used the terms misfortune and good fortune just to mean someone who is experiencing either bad things or good things. I never meant it like winning the lottery or anything else. I never called children a commodity, or said one could “earn” anything in the sight of God. Who is the one leaping to conclusions here? Telling me I treat children and human life as a commodity is pretty disgusting.

As for who am I to call someone weak, mean and selfish? A human being who has been presented with a situation and has been asked to comment on it. A person with enough sense to evaluate a situation and offer an opinion. And a person who doesn’t sugar coat things. The OP’s friend is, no doubt, in great pain over her infertility. BUT being in great pain does not justify lashing out at others and punishing them for having what you cannot. That is not loving, Christian, or friendly. This person probably spends alot of time dwelling on and indulging in her sadness, and lashing out at people because of it, instead of trying to find ways to serve others and make her own life and the world around her better. Feeling justified in punishing others for what they have is a symptom of that.

I am also completely sick of the idea that if you haven’t experienced something, you cannot comment on it. I have not had much experience with infertility, but I have had a little. Not that that matters at all as to whether one can make a moral determination about someone’s behavior. You realize that this is the same idea the abortion lobby uses to shut people up. “You can’t have an opinion on abortion unless you have a uterus,” we are told. Or unless we’ve had to choose, or unless we know what it feels like to get pregnant unexpectedly, or unless…blah, blah, blah. It’s a logically vacant argument, usually used by people who don’t want the morality of anything commented upon. If I haven’t been robbed at gunpoint, I can’t say that armed robbery is wrong? Come on!



**All I am saying, from what I gathered, that the OP made it clear that this woman is still her friend. So why she may not like what her friend does, she still very much likes her friend, and wants to make their friendship work and last, without compromising her faith.

To tell the OP her friend is mean and selfish isn’t helping here. Let the OP be the judge of what her own friend is or is not. After all, she knows her far better than we.

It isn’t a bad thing to not have kids. It is as much of a blessing as having kids. We are all blessed in our own ways and must work in the midst of those blessings. We need to help the OP find ways to help her friend who is in the midst of a serious illness of mind and body, that of infertility. Helping her infertility will help her in many other ways besides (spiritual, emotional, and social.)

I apologize to DuskyJewel and anyone else I may have offended by my comments. But having experience full force the affects of infertility, you really and truly cannot begin to understand what this woman is going through unless you have been there yourself. While that in no way makes her actions justified (and I am very against what she is doing) if she had faith, and a strong support system, she might be able to cope with her illness in a more Christian and loving manner.

What the OP’s friend needs is a strong faith and unconditional loving friends. When she has those two things in place, she can THEN begin to work through all the other things that are wrong in her life (such as working at planned parenthood.)

Plant seeds for faith, and love unconditionally. You might be the only Jesus this person ever experiences. :thumbsup:




I was watching EWTN one day and there was a program about Rachel’s Vineyard and the pro-abortion propaganda.

One of the guests was a Catholic woman who was a nurse. She couldn’t find a job except the one at PP. She was assured that she would not have to work with abortions. She was just suppose to be there to provide guidance to the pregnant women. She told many of them to go to a pregnancy resource center in a hospital across the street. Later, she found out that the women at the pregnancy center thought they had a mole at PP because so many women were coming to them from PP.

It is interesting how God will put people right where they need to be.

I say to the OP to keep being her friend. Be honest and do not compromise your convictions. Be clear on why you think PP is evil. She might not like it and perhaps once she sees the organization for what it is, she will become a woman of greater faith.






Let’s use different terminology and see if it helps any.
My friend works for a company that abuses women and very young children. They don’t do this all the time, just part of the time. What should I say to my friend?
Is there any other activity or occupation that your friend could be involved in that would be a no brainer as to its effects on your relatonship?
My guess is if this were illegal you may not have even posted the question. My friend is dealing drugs, what should I do? My friend is a nurse and doesn’t say anything about co-workers euthanizing patients. My friend is involved in dog fight gambling. My friend makes her living selling stolen goods. My friend drives drunk with kids in the car.
My friend works for a company that kills babies and harms women but it is legal so what should I do?
Not easy, but for me I wouldn’t be her friend anymore. I would pray for her and I would tell her that should she choose another occupation to look me up. I would say it makes me too sad to associate your work with babies being destroyed.So as soon as your work changes let me know.
Love takes courage. Good luck.



Put yourself in the 1930s and you live in Germany…your best friend just tells you how excited she is to get a new job at Auschwitz. What would you think then? THe only difference is Planned Parenthood has killed and will kill more humans than the Nazis ever did. Unlike the Nazis planned parenthood will sell the body parts.

Plain and simple your friend just got a job at a human extermination mill.

PP gets income from abortions…she will get a slice of that income in the form of a paycheck…

Hopefully she will be shocked at how many abortions occur at PP in a week.



**I don’t think it’s so simple as to say “just don’t be friends with her since she is participating in evil”. There is a big difference between someone who KNOWS what is going on and chooses to do it anyways (and often enjoys it) and someone who is lost and misinformed.

I think the OP is right to want to be there for her good friend but it will be hard because the only one who can open her friend’s eyes to the evils of PP is God. Maybe he will use the OP? I think that is her question…how can she remain open to allowing God to work through her yet stay true to her faith?

This friendship is really being put to the test since there are so many issues at work. One word of advice to the OP though… YOU come first. YOUR faith, YOUR family, and YOUR sanity. If this friendship starts to threaten any one of those then RUN and PRAY:thumbsup:




And the other 760 will GLADLY transport you post haste to the nearest killing centre.


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