HELP Horrible mistake


I am 19, was born and raised Catholic, and am very involved in my parish. I really love and fear God, and I had always wanted to follow the Virgin Mary’s example (being a perfect servant of God). I wanted to stay a virgin until marriage.

However, last year I don’t know why but I had a crazy year. Several unsuccessful experiences with boys made me feel unwanted and lonely in the beginning of 2008, especially when all of my friends were in long-term relationships. I got ignored by a guy I was going out with (he never called me back after we got close to having sex but I said no). This led me to chatting with random guys online, and sometimes showing too much on webcam. :eek: But that didn’t work out, except that now I am terrified of what might happen in the future if some screen captures were to resurface (if there are any).

I was becoming more desperate, and that is when I did something really stupid during summer :frowning: I went against everything I had always believed in and lost my virginity with someone I met on the same night in a club (I guess the shooters and 2 Smirnoffs I drank that night are partially to blame). :blush: I have never been so ashamed in my entire life. If there was one thing I could change in my past, it would be that.

After that I tried to make things work with the guy, because I figured that if we could turn this into a relationship, I wouldn’t feel as bad for losing my virginity with him. Sadly, he made it clear that because I was Catholic (he is from another culture) we would never be more than friends with benefits.

I sinned another time with him, but then I went to the World Youth Day in Sydney. Over there, I confessed my sin of sex outside of marriage (and lying to my parents to meet the guy) to a priest during one of the events. He forgave me and told me to stay away from temptation, but I still feel really guilty and undeserving of God’s love.

Now when I look at pictures of the Virgin Mary I feel ashamed and I feel like I messed up my life and no one will want me. I have followed the priest’s advice and cut all the boys from last year from my life. I avoid going clubbing and drinking. I am focusing more on my studies. I want to wait until I get married before I have sex again.

I am praying every night for the strength to not let this mistake get me down, but I can’t stop crying whenever I think about it. :frowning: I feel like I am trapped and that no matter what I do, this sin will be like a stain on my soul forever.

I don’t know what to do.


First of all, you’ve already been forgiven, so stop beating yourself up. I had a really big confession awhile back that I had been so afraid to go to and the wonderful priest put it to me like this. ‘When you think about these things you did, turn the record (or CD) in your head to another song, they are done and over with and FORGIVEN.’ I knkow how hard that is to do, but please allow you to forgive yourself as well. College life is hard enough without making yourself a martyr.

Study and be a good Catholic from here on in and your life will straighten out fine.

Good Luck, I’ll pray for you.


Susan’s right.

God’s words for you in the bible.

“Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” [Psalm 43:1] “I** shall cleanse you of all your defilement** and all your idols. I shall give you a new heart…I shall put my spirit in you…You shall be my people and I shall be your God.” [Ezekiel 36:25-26, 29] “I will smelt away your dross in the furnace; I will remove all your base metal from you.” [Isaiah 1:25]
“I have dispelled your faults like a cloud
your sins like a mist
Come back to me, for I have redeemed you
.” [Isaiah 44:22]
**“Happy those whose crimes are forgiven, whose sins are blotted out; **happy the man whom the Lord considers sinless.” [Psalm 31:1-2] For through Your Son, You have **“**cancelled every record of the debt that we had to pay; He has done away with it by nailing it to the cross.” ****[Colossians 2:14-15]

**“No need to recall the past,
no need to think about what was before.
See I am doing a new deed,
even now, it comes to light; can you not see it?
Yes, I am making a road in the wilderness,
paths in the wild.” **[Isaiah 43:18-19]
“For I, … your God,
I am holding you by the right hand;
I tell you, do not be afraid, I will help you.
Do not be afraid…poor worm…
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer
.” [Isaiah 41:13-14]


Trust in Jesus. We all have sins that have stained us but he came to wash us all clean, all we need to do is confess our sins and be done with them. He didn’t come to save nonsinners. I’ll pray that you find peace and most of all remember that Jesus has forgiven you.


Thank you for you kind messages and your prayer. Trishie, those words from the Bible really helped.

I will definitely try to turn the record to another song…thanks again for your support.:blush:


Marycruz, you sound like such a sweetheart. If only more young women were like you! I would be proud to have a daughter like you! You have your act together and you love God.

Can I adopt you? :slight_smile:

Don’t look back. It was a mistake and most of us women have been there too :frowning: It’s very common for women to look for love and to only find unhappiness. You’re not alone in this. Be thankful that you have enough intelligence and ability to not make the same mistake again.

Get closer to Blessed Mary. She’ll take you in and protect you. Read up on some of the saints like St. Therese, St. Rita, St. Gianna Beretta Molla…you are more like them than you think.


Have you read Christopher West. He talks of losing his virginity in his teens and now he is a big spokesman for waiting until marriage and promotes JP II’s Theology of the Body. This is what conversion is all about, recognizing your past mistakes, getting on with your life and living that new life in Christ. If you keep harping on past mistakes you can never move forward.


Can a person take communion after doing this act?


I am glad that you have confessed and not wanting to go back to the old way. We all have similar kinds of guilts over what we did in the past. Many times, we are so hard on ourself and we forgot that God has forgiven us. Being hard on a forgiven sin can sometimes hinder us from doing God’s will; it will take us off our focus on what God wants us to do right now. Furthermore, it makes us not to appreciate Jesus dying for our sins.

I’d say that keep focusing on God’s love for you and know that He saves you because He loves you and He surely has a special plan for you - you are a witness as being a Christian who wants to live a pure life for Christ.

I pray to the Holy Spirit to help you find peace over this troubled conscience of yours so that you may continue getting closer to God.

PS: pray the Rosary will help you tremendously.


God has forgiven you, try to trust in His mercy and forgive yourself. I know it’s hard. I have some similar sins from my past and I still beat myself up for them.

Remember, in Confession our sins are WASHED AWAY. They are GONE, forever. To God, they don’t exist anymore.


If you start Eucharistic Adoration and give it at least 1 hour a week, you will find all the answers you are searching for.


If confessed and absolved, then yes.


Christ died to fix “horrible mistakes”. He is in the business of dealing with “horrible mistakes”. Take heart.


My dear let us look at the parable of the adulteress in John 8, this woman commited a sin of the flesh close to yours, and as all of us who are sinners we do not condem you and neither does the Lord, you are forgiven and as he says NAB JN 8:11 “you may go. But from now on avoid this sin.”

May the peace of Christ be with you


Only after a good confession. Sex outside marriage is a Mortal Sin.


It’s your pride that is most hurt possibly. I have a little story from St Margaret Mary whom our Lord gave the sacred heart devotion too that should help.
When our Lord starting appearing to this St she told her confessor. to test her the priest asked that the next time she saw Jesus to ask Him what the last sin the confessor had committed was. This would give rock solid evidence the priest thought. when the St next saw her confessor the priest asked her what Jesus’ reply was. She said that Jesus told her He doesn’t remember. The priest wa astonished by this answer.

When we make a good confession the sin is blotted out and God no longer even remembers it. If God forgives us and forgets the sin should we not forgive ourselves, forget it altogether but do a little penance and learn from the mistake perhaps?

We are all sinners, not just you.


Everyone has such great things to say, but I must add one thing. And know that this is coming from someone who’s BTDT. Plus, this is said with great gentleness: you probably should get tested for STDs, Hon. That’s not easy to hear, but under the circumstances around which you met this guy, it’s probably a very good idea. Your clinic (or student health center, if you’re in college) can easily do these tests, and will do so confidentially.

Sending you BIG hugs, Sweetie. :heart: :heart:


I agree. It’s a scary thing to think about, but better safe than sorry. It could be a lot worse if it goes untreated.


Hey everyone, once again thanks for your support; it means the world to me. All of your posts have helped me. I will definitely follow your advice. I am praying much more, and have read about Christopher West and watched some of his videos. I already feel a little better.

I will try to get tested as soon as possible, to make sure I don’t have anything. I should have done it sooner and now I’m really worried. :frowning: God forbid I have anything.


Also, always remember that God does have a plan for you and that God knows what he is doing no matter how much we screw it up. I am sure that God has planned a man who is just as Damaged as you, just as damaged as me, and every one else, Because we are all a little damaged in our own way, Good thing Jesus is a good repair man, and that man will know how to take care of you and relate to you. Just Stay Strong, and fight, Fight against satan because your a Daughter of the King, and some day that Knight will come and pardon my “French” Kick the Asses of all the demons that surround you and tell them " IF you touch her again, I will kill you". Because as men and future husbands, if that is what God has planned, that is our job, to take care and protect our loves. I hope and Pray that God helps you to move on, because he has, and help you to get ready for that special man when he shows up.

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