Help! How to stop lust/masturbating


#1

Hi all. I’ve been masturbating for 4 years now on pornography. I am really sorry about my actions. Many times I try to stop but the addiction became too overwhelming. And due to stresses and drama
In high school I also used masturbation as a stress reliever. I became too self centered on my life only wanting to be happy and feel satisfied. I feel really sad and bad about my thoughts. As I grew up and learn more about how bad it is, I became really scared recently about the spiritual consequences.
Now just recently I’ve done everything I possibly can to stop the addiction. Everytime I promise to stop, I wud end up masturbating again after lasting for a month without masturbating. In the past 3 months I only masturbated 3 times. Im trying to completely stop but after a month or so the lust and desire and addiction makes it hard to stop. I believe with enough time and prayer I will be able to beat this addiction. But the thing is I become really scared of death because what if I die while in the process of trying to stop? And hearing people talking about how the world is going to end in december 21 is really just making me scared out of my mind.
I want to rid myself of this addiction. To be pure and clean. I just feel really bad for not being able to stop and now I’m
Really scared of dying while stopping.
Can someone please help me? My shameful actions have contaminated me so much. I just feel disappointed in myself. I know that God has faith in me
That I will make right choices, and I feel like I’m letting Him down. I know it’s time to beat this addiction once and for all but to do that I need to beat the lust as well. Can someone please help me? I’m sorry if the writing is terrible, i haven’t been able to sleep lately because I’m
Just so scared of death right now. I want to be on the right path again. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to let the lord God down anymore. I just want to make things right again. I want to change for the better. Please help. I’m scared


#2

First of all... Be at peace!

You are addicted. That means that you are not fully in control of your own will. That means the mortal element of your 'sin' is lessened or even mitigated, since you cannot fulfil the full criteria of a mortal sin: being full knowledge of the graveness of the act, the act being sinful and your full cooperation and assent to it. Clearly in the struggle that you are going through and the description of your addictive behaviour, you couldn't charitably be described as having full assent of the will.

That doesn't free you from the responsibility to do something about the problem, since you have become aware of the problem itself, but it should assist you in letting go of some of the guilt attached to it, for it is that obsession both in the act itself and in the addictive qualities of the act that binds you to something you don't want to do.

Part of absolution is not just the forgiveness you receive at the God-given authority of the priest, but also the forgiveness you give yourself. You are entitled to that peace in your soul. Our Blessed Lord himself said to us: "I leave you peace. My peace I leave to you". Meditate on that and take comfort in the wonder of the peace of Our Lord. It is yours by right of your absolution and by your partaking in the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

We all do things and confess them and we all trip up again and fail afterwards. Nobody is perfect and nobody expects you to be.

Trust in the infinite mercy of Our Lord and let go of your guilt. As you do that you'll begin to free yourself from the addiction. Obsess about it and worry and the thought of it will never leave your mind and you'll be constantly tempting yourself.

Peace be with you.


#3

DeuUK I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your amazing words of wisdom. I felt as if I really needed someone to tell me something comforting. I read forums here and there about the consequences of committing mortal
Sin and I just started to freak out and go into full panic. Overcoming my fear is going to be the hardest. I do hope to make everything right again.
I am still scared though as this is something that will not go away that easily.
I feel at peace after I go to confession, but I just went last weekend. But I think I will go again. I really do want to end this once and for all. The hardest part is being aroused by lust. Today’s media and networking really make things even tougher. At times I just feel like I am
Giving myself in to the temptation (that was back then before I made an effort to stop)
I think another one of my main reason for being scared so
Much about Death is my faith hasn’t been the very best lately. Due to personal depressing situations, I feel like my faith has been fluctuating, but now as I continue to grow I continue to learn to have faith in The lord God because everything happens for a reason. And seeing how lots of people are going through worse problems than me helps to open my eyes up even more. I am going to try and be more involved in the community, but this masturbation problem is one I really am determined to beat this. Especially lust.
May I ask for some
Prayers? I
Would greatly appreciate it.
Reading this helped calmed
Me down, but deep
Inside I still feel bad and regrets for not being able to beat this addiction after 4 years. But if I remember correctly somewhere in the bible says how my sins will be forgotten once I confessed so I should move on and stop clinging on to regretful actions of the past (correct me if I’m wrong).
I will believe in myself, and have faith that with God’s guidance i will be able to conquer this battle.


#4

[quote="DexUK, post:2, topic:304905"]
First of all... Be at peace!

You are addicted. That means that you are not fully in control of your own will. That means the mortal element of your 'sin' is lessened or even mitigated, since you cannot fulfil the full criteria of a mortal sin: being full knowledge of the graveness of the act, the act being sinful and your full cooperation and assent to it. Clearly in the struggle that you are going through and the description of your addictive behaviour, you couldn't charitably be described as having full assent of the will.

That doesn't free you from the responsibility to do something about the problem, since you have become aware of the problem itself, but it should assist you in letting go of some of the guilt attached to it, for it is that obsession both in the act itself and in the addictive qualities of the act that binds you to something you don't want to do.

Part of absolution is not just the forgiveness you receive at the God-given authority of the priest, but also the forgiveness you give yourself. You are entitled to that peace in your soul. Our Blessed Lord himself said to us: "I leave you peace. My peace I leave to you". Meditate on that and take comfort in the wonder of the peace of Our Lord. It is yours by right of your absolution and by your partaking in the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

We all do things and confess them and we all trip up again and fail afterwards. Nobody is perfect and nobody expects you to be.

Trust in the infinite mercy of Our Lord and let go of your guilt. As you do that you'll begin to free yourself from the addiction. Obsess about it and worry and the thought of it will never leave your mind and you'll be constantly tempting yourself.

Peace be with you.

[/quote]

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

I am a fellow addict dealing with this particularly annoying sin, and the best advice I can give you is to ;

1: Go to confession, weekly if necessary. The support and advice I have received from my confessor has done great things for me.

2: Pray the Rosary daily. I try to say at least one Rosary every day of the week. This has done wonders for me, not only in dealing with this addiction, but also in advancing my spiritual life.

3: Pray to St. Joseph. If you are married, pray that he may help you be a good husband. If you are not, pray that he may help you remain pure for the benefit of your future spouse. This was some advice that my confessor gave, and I feel that it helped quite a bit.


#5

As an 18 years old, life
Continues to get harder but I hope with God’s help I wil be able to overcome this.
I will pray the rosary everyday and try my best to defeat the evil temptations

Thank you again. My fears have lessened a lot. I feel I will be able to sleep better tonight


#6

[quote="vbjfbna, post:3, topic:304905"]

I think another one of my main reason for being scared so
Much about Death is my faith hasn't been the very best lately.

...

if I remember correctly somewhere in the bible says how my sins will be forgotten once I confessed so I should move on and stop clinging on to regretful actions of the past (correct me if I'm wrong).
I will believe in myself, and have faith that with God's guidance i will be able to conquer this battle.

[/quote]

Don't worry about your faith. Just the fact that you worry about it at all tells me you're in no danger.

If it helps, here's a short prayer for when you're questioning and worried... It's very simple:

"Lord help me, even in my disbelief."

Just let the questions go to Him. He will find the right ways to answer them for you. The very fact that you're asking Him for help to believe better is more than enough.

Also, remember, when we can't find the right words to pray, the Holy Spirit himself knows what is in our hearts and takes our prayers to God in words that we cannot or do not know how to express. See Romans 8:26.

And yes, absolution should indeed be your cue to let go of the guilt over past indiscretions. Obviously, remember the lessons you learned about why such things were wrong, but don't let the guilt overwhelm you because that simply means you're denying God's power to forgive.

Never forget that God wants to forgive you. All you have to do is ask and to trust Him.


#7

It's time to write a prayerbook. I struggled with similar things and went and bought myself a leather bound book about the size of a diary that had blank pages. Every time that I was tempted to be lead astray , I would go to a site that had prayers and copy one I liked into the book. It took long enough to get my mind off of the temptation and again focused on God. I hope this helps you, and in the end, you will have a really nice hand written prayer book of all your favorite prayers.


#8

I cannot offer a great deal of advice except that which helped me.

I developed a "visual prayer"...After all, if we can "visualize" toward lust - why not "visualize" away from it...
So I prayed, "Father, take me to the foot of the cross", and then began thinking, visualizing myself there. Gazing on the scene of the one who died for my sins.
Hot, dry, dusty day.
The foot of the cross buried in the ground.
The wood of the cross stained black from blood and sweat.
The feet of our Lord.
Filthy and stained and dripping blood and sweat.
I did this - I put Him there - Not alone - but I helped.
Every time I sin, it is increases His pain.
If I refrain, it eases His pain.
Feel the heat of that day, the dryness of the air.
How thirsty He is.....
.....and so on....

How could I possibly sin while standing at the foot of the cross.

As a corollary to the idea of our sin putting Him there, consider how his cross is the accumulation of our sins. Each time we sin, the cross gets heavier…Each time we resist sin, the cross gets lighter.

Peace
James


#9

May I suggest that you consider joining us on CAF’s Impurity Addiction Support Group?* We have active members who are struggling with and/or overcoming sins of impurity and they could be a great help to you. This group and its members have been a huge help for me, and without them I would not have gone eleven months (and counting) without "acting out". You will receive helpful advice, commiseration and support. A great group!
*
Check out the link at forums.catholic.com/group.php?groupid=369. I hope you join us, and regardless I will keep you in my prayers.

God bless!

RonF


#10

Go to the website yourbrainonporn.

Your addiction is not a failure on your part. The human brain has certain innate characteristics, and all too often it is susceptible to harmful influences. In other words, your porn addiction is the result of a perfect storm of human brain wiring and internet porn.

Think of it this way: sugar is an "explosive" energy source for the body. It's nature's high octane fuel. 15,000 years B.C., if you were hunting a wooly mammoth or running from a saber toothed cat, a large amount of sugar might have meant the difference between a hearty meal and you becoming a hearty meal. Your body would've said,"Sugar? Gimme more!"

Fast forward to 2012, and if you consume a large amount of sugar, your body still says, "Sugar? Gimme more!" Except now you get fat, diabetes, heart disease, rotten teeth...

Internet porn is brain candy. It's got all the components of cerebral junk food. Bright colors, constantly changing images, new, novel images and ideas that constantly push your blood pressure up, and, if there's an orgasm involved, a flush of dopamine....and all exploiting that core function: 'be fruitful and multiply.' Internet porn will literally rewire the connections in your brain to the point you become addicted to it and the dopamine response.

It is scary how fast it can happen.

The good news is that your brain **can **be rewired back to a healthy state. Go to the website and watch the video and you'll understand.

I have no credentials, no formal training, no connection whatsoever to the site. But I have done a lot of reading on ADD, depression/anxiety, brain function, etc., and it seems like this guy (at the site) knows what he's talking about.

Understanding it is the easy part. Fighting it is the hard part. I have nothing to add to what the others have suggested, other than what my priest said to me about it: *Don't. Give. Up. *


#11

Don’t worry about people saying the world is going to end on 21st December. Has the Pope announced it? That would be the time to start worrying . Even the native South Americans are now saying that it has been a mistranslation, and the world is not going to blow up or grind to a halt - it is just the end of an Incan era, with lots more years to go. And we’re not Incans, so it shouldn’t concern us.

As to your addiction - the way you are dealing with your feelings, by incorporating porn, cheapens a God given gift - your sexuality. There is a great difference between suppression and self control. To suppress something is to bury it, hide it, forget it, and by not dealing with it, it churns away in the depths. To control something is to recognise it, acknowledge it and not let it get the better of you. You get the better of it. Look at all the other feelings you have learned to control in your life - anger, hunger, fear, and more. Long before you hit puberty and discovered sexual feelings, you had learned not to kill the kid who broke your toys, not to scream the place down when you mum said no TV because you’d been naughty, to eat at regular times, to go to school and concentrate on lessons, even to be potty trained! By the time you reached puberty you had mastered a lot of the feelings that make you human, and to control them and use them in a socially acceptable manner. Sexuality is just the most recent feeling you’ve discovered - love is still to come, and maybe hate, grief and sorrow! Don’t despair, you will learn to master them all with practice - just as you learned to stand and walk - and remember you learned to use your legs for walking, not running away or kicking people, so you will learn to control your sexuality. Remember your baby steps? Remember you fell over a lot when you were learning to control your legs, but with practice you could be a marathon runner or a ballet dancer. Remember your first scribbles with a pencil? You learned to control you hands, then apply your mind to them, and you could be an architect or an artist. So it is with your body - recognise the feelings, accept them as natural, learn to control them (but don’t suppress them), and when you marry you will find it easy to have a wonderful, normal married life, instead of dealing with feelings you have suppressed for years.

Using porn is going to turn something good into something sleazy, so avoid the porn at all costs - you don’t want to condition your sexual responses to unnatural stimuli. If you look at another appetite as an example - you don’t want to get your stomach used to rubbishy fast food that feeds an appetite instantly but is no good for you, when there is a world of gourmet eating ahead of you, dishes that take time to prepare and enjoy in a lovely environment, and which will enrich and nurture you. Wouldn’t it be sad if when your finally were faced with a gourmet meal, prepared especially for you on a special occasion, you said ‘but I only like hamburgers and fries’, and couldn’t enjoy it because you’d only eaten fast food for years? Sure, fast food fills you up for instant gratification, and it is food, but is it worth it, and will it sustain you for life?

So, next time you are faced with the porn option, ask yourself these questions about the girl you are looking at. Could I imagine her being the mother of my children? Could I imagine taking her to the priest and saying I want to marry her? Could I imagine her meeting my parents, and sitting down for dinner with the family? Could she entertain your boss when you were looking for promotion? Could you proudly walk into church with her on your arm, followed by your children? Could you ask her to marry you? The only girl who should be the subject of your yearnings should be a girl you can say YES to on all those questions. Leave the others alone, as you don’t want to condition your responses to be fixed on that type of woman. And be assured that REAL men don’t behave like those in porn movies, and neither do REAL women and a real woman is where your future lies, not with a sleazy actress who you couldn’t take anywhere! Porn is like movies of superheroes and anime - totally unreal. I can tell you honestly that if a man treated his wife like a porn star, he’d be spending the night in the dog house.

And the thing that helped me most - imagine that Jesus has called round to spend the evening with you, and is going to watch that movie with you - could you sit next to him and watch it? I thought not!

So, good luck with growing up - we all did it, the vast majority of us successfully, we all dealt with the same problems you do, and we turned out all right - and so will you!

God bless you, and keep your mind occupied with things of wonder.


#12

I think the key to stopping lies in beginning to understand the way in which this hurts God. When you realise how selfish your actions are and how they demean women and hurt God, you want to go to confession. When you go to confession and confess sincerely, with sorrow, you receive an overwhelming amount of grace, which will help you, eventually, to conquer your addiction.

But remember, you may fall many times. Don't give up giving up.


#13

[quote="vbjfbna, post:1, topic:304905"]
Hi all. I've been masturbating for 4 years now on pornography. I am really sorry about my actions. Many times I try to stop but the addiction became too overwhelming. And due to stresses and drama
In high school I also used masturbation as a stress reliever. I became too self centered on my life only wanting to be happy and feel satisfied. I feel really sad and bad about my thoughts. As I grew up and learn more about how bad it is, I became really scared recently about the spiritual consequences.
Now just recently I've done everything I possibly can to stop the addiction. Everytime I promise to stop, I wud end up masturbating again after lasting for a month without masturbating. In the past 3 months I only masturbated 3 times. Im trying to completely stop but after a month or so the lust and desire and addiction makes it hard to stop. I believe with enough time and prayer I will be able to beat this addiction. But the thing is I become really scared of death because what if I die while in the process of trying to stop? And hearing people talking about how the world is going to end in december 21 is really just making me scared out of my mind.
I want to rid myself of this addiction. To be pure and clean. I just feel really bad for not being able to stop and now I'm
Really scared of dying while stopping.

Can someone please help me? My shameful actions have contaminated me so much. I just feel disappointed in myself. I know that God has faith in me
That I will make right choices, and I feel like I'm letting Him down. I know it's time to beat this addiction once and for all but to do that I need to beat the lust as well. Can someone please help me? I'm sorry if the writing is terrible, i haven't been able to sleep lately because I'm
Just so scared of death right now. I want to be on the right path again. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to let the lord God down anymore. I just want to make things right again. I want to change for the better. Please help. I'm scared

[/quote]

V,

I am amazed at so many posting about this topic and wonder sometimes. I have no idea why. There are several things to look at.

Addiction is a disease and there is no cure so live with it. That is the 12 step mentality.

If you choose to eliminate this notion and accept it as habit then you have hope. There are several things you can and should do. Accept that that it is a process that has an end goal. Imagine that goal and believe in that goal. Realilty is imagined or real. In other words if you can imagine success you can succeed.

Next find a reason to stop. You have a few I noticed. Motivation is key. To find motivation, you have to find a reason to do something other than what you do. Everyday spend some time asking yourself "why you want to change" and "why not changing" causes concern. List these things. When you find the reason why that will help motivation.

Stanton Peele, PhD, says that the key is values. Without values then you will continue doing what you do. The Catholic answer to that is Virtue. spend some time learning about human virtue and practice human virtue...

VALUES play a critical role in addiction—and your values are likely to be the key to your escaping addiction. This is a matter of both considering what your values are and sometimes refocusing on dormant values or even developing new ones. When you can truly experience how a habit is damaging what is most important to you, the steps out of your destructive habit often fall readily into place.

How Do Values Fight Addiction?

To say that your values influence your desire and ability to fight addiction is to say that you act in line with what you believe in and what you care about. Such values can be remarkably potent. For example, I heard a woman say, “I used to smoke, and sometimes I think of going back to it. However, now that I have small children, I would sooner cut my fingers off with a kitchen knife then start smoking again.” Even if this woman fell to temptation and smoked one cigarette, it is highly unlikely that she would relapse entirely.

These are the values Peele says are important...

  1. Self-control and moderation
  2. Accomplishment and competence.
  3. Self-consciousness and awareness of one’s environment.
  4. Health.
  5. Self-esteem.
  6. Relationships with others, community, and society.

Sometimes we focus on the negative and I see here that you have done that. The best way to focus in my opinion is not on the negative but the positive. Model behavior is a good way to do that. Meditate daily on the Saints. Can you imagine any Saint that you meditate on watching pornography and masturbating. This is a non-sequitor. Success comes with surrounding yourself and in your mind with people that have succeeded.

There will be success, there will be failure...who doesn't fall now and again..just keep the goal in mind and keep at it...eliminate the pornography for starters and find a Saint to admire...good luck....


#14

[quote="DexUK, post:6, topic:304905"]
Don't worry about your faith. Just the fact that you worry about it at all tells me you're in no danger.

[/quote]

I have a very different view of the above statement. Do I worry about my faith? you bet I do. I am in danger every day of my life. We all are in a war that has been going on since the beginning of time. The powers of darkness and the demons which do it’s work never let up on tempting us with sin. Satan wants our souls and will not let up until our death. God can sustain us at every moment of our lives if we trust in Him.

For every moment of our lives we must give the strictest account of what we do and what we don’t do. Not everyone has our best interest at heart. There are some people who don’t deserve to sit in the front row of your life. When others tempt you either with books or with web sites that are made up of porn, reject that as a dart of Satan. Overcoming your addictions to any sin gives a good example of triumph over adversity.

Porn is a demon, a type of beast that wants to be feed at the cost of your happiness and health. Find yourself some self help by reading and being in touch with God’s word. Have the advantage of being mentally clear about what is going on in your thoughts and mind. God created many things for us and one of the most important creations is the human mind. Thinking is where all the good or bad stuff comes from. Think holiness, not sinfulness.

Finally get that idea out of your head that temptations and sin will just go away and you will not be bothered again. It will not happen…….but when you are tempted it give you another chance to offer up sacrifice to God for all the wrong you have done. What I mean by sacrifice is when you don’t sin….and it makes you hurt cause you want to sin……….that is sacrifice. Offering it up and not falling. Temptations come to us all, but we have a choice of free will, do it or offer it up. If that sounds like a hard thing to do……….it is. But it can be accomplished. Live a holy life, it pays great dividends over time.

Choctaw (a tribal member)


#15

#16

God Bless you for being so open and honest...I am in active recovery from alcohold and drugs and have been for years...and I can easily see how I could get caught up in porn..a priest friend of mine (and he's young) reminded me of how porn imprints on our brains...it's easy to pull these images up.. I am grateful that I don't do these things any more ... but I have)..what helped me and has worked for a long time now..is to re-direct my thinking .. we set ourselves up before we pick up the drink..before we turn on the VCR...re-direct...pick up yr rosary....picture Christ on the cross.....ask God for help....ask Him to shine his 'light' on you....believe it or not..the longer we go w/out the less we think about it....flood your thoughts with Sacred Images.....porn/masturbatio separates us from God...A long time ago in confession a priest told me to 'let it go'..stop beating myself up...it was amazing..I just sort of forgot about all of that stuff....I promise I will remember you in my prayers and offer my next Rosary for you Sir....PAX


#17

Pray the Rosary daily, daily adoration, and you can also consider an exorcism if the problem is that bad.


#18

I used to have this problem. I have a few words which might help.

Okay, so you've been masturbating for 4 years. 4 years is a long time for an addiction to take root. It's a really strong addiction. I know firsthand (no pun intended) that you want to quit very badly. The problem is... that won't happen. No amount of willpower (at least not that I have) is going to overcome such a deep-seated addiction cold turkey. You might go for a month then slip up. Then go for another month and slip up. Then go for a week and slip up, then 2 months and slip up. You're going to fail over and over.

But that's okay. Pray daily, ask to be a better man and to overcome your addiction. In time it'll happen. When you've gone for a week without masturbating and are tempted to do so again, ask yourself, "Is it worth it to throw away a week of not masturbating?" If you do masturbate, that's a week you will never, ever get back. Suppose you do masturbate then life a masturbation-free life for 80 years. It could've been 80 years and 1 week.

Then is it worth it to throw away a month of not masturbating? Two months? Half a year? A year?

I learned this after my battle with masturbation, but an excellent, excellent phrase due to some of America's founding fathers, I believe, is this:

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

You have the freedom is masturbate. You must be eternally (as eternally as we can be) vigilant. Not vigilant half the time, 90% of the time or even 99% of the time. You must be vigilant with every waking hour. Every time your think about typing in anything related to porn, remind yourself to beat your addiction you must be eternally vigilant.

Hope this helps.


#19

I have the same problem. At least you’re catholic and can confess. Im in RCIA. I wont go into further details unless I find a womens forum but please know that you aren’t alone at all. I also pray the rosary before bed and it has helped me curb the problem quite a bit as it was and still is an addiction I would need to drop everything to do to satisfy including skipping class. I don’t think you have to worry about Dec 21st just be happy you can receive the sacrament of confession! I will pray for us both in this problem.


#20

I think we need to keep in mind (pun? :p ) that the brain is *literally * **neurologically **different when it is addicted to PMO (porn/mast/orgasm).

While the healing is a victory of the spirit over the sin, there is a measurable physical component to the addiction that must be understood.


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