Help, I struggle with Gender Identity Disorder

This is a copy from a post I originally put in the thread about a 4th grader who “changed genders” over winter break. I am not trying to “spam” but upon further review, thought it would be better if I put my post here rather than “hijack” an existing thread. Also, I think my post fits here better.

I struggle with gender issues too
That thread really hit close to home, not because I have a child that struggles with this issue, but because I often feel like I was born in the wrong gendered body myself. I even went so far as to change the name on my driver’s license to a man’s name (something I have yet to reverse and it causes all kinds of trouble when people want to see my photo ID) and thought about getting gender reassignment surgery (usually the testosterone hormone treatments come before any actual surgery though).

During the time I considered making the change, I was for the most part far away from God (though I did get the idea from a very liberal “gay is ok” type Methodist church and even met someone who went though the “gender-reassignment” procedures and though born a female now lives as a male).

For one time in my life, procrastination worked in my favor and the more I thought about (maybe unintentionally prayed about it), the more I knew it would be mutilation to go through with the procedure (even the hormones could shorten my life since this female body was not built to be infused with an “overload” of testosterone). Much of my confusion I suspect comes from too much testosterone already being in my system.

There are still many people who still call me “Rick” or “Ricky” at my own request though I am trying to restore my name given to me at birth “Rosadel”. I feel most comfortable wearing men’s clothes and having a man’s haircut (not just short, but I mean a fully “masculine” haircut, though not a buzz cut since those never did look good on me), I am trying to let my hair grow out. It seems that as I pass my mid 30’s (I will be 37 July 5), my hair grows much more slowly. I even started a thread asking for help to make myself over to look more feminine.

As helpful and supportive as the advice given to me by many nice women on the board is, I look at those replies and my heart and mind rebel along the lines of “Yuck, I don’t want to get anywhere near that girly stuff!!”. I did not include that in my replies to that thread since I specifically asked for help to be more feminine. For some reason, I never did get past my “tomboy” stage and to be perfectly honest, still do not feel like leaving it. I did live the lesbian lifestyle for a few years, but I can easily live without a partner (except for one thoughtless double mortal sin special of a relationship I have lived a virginal life…though I do get tempted by lustful thoughts often).

I am bringing some metaphorical marshmallows along since I may get toasted in flames for this post, but I am serious and do struggle with this issue. Even as I leave the library and head for home (I do have to be at work tonight at 9 pm, this would be like someone with the “normal” 9 to 5 schedule staying up until 1 am or later since I still have to get home) I feel tempted to get my hair chopped off to a very masculine style.

This inner conflict fuels my rebellious thoughts about the priesthood of the Catholic Church being male only. All in all, I need many prayers and lots of help. I want to be in union with the Holy Father and Rome, and not be enslaved to my own sinful nature. These temptations make it rough though and it seems they are coming on like gangbusters since I am even thinking seriously about taking steps towards the feminine.

Sincerely,

Dear Rosadel,
I will remember you in my prayers this evening. I hope you find a resolution that makes you feel complete.

Wow.

:bowdown:for such a post.

Two things:

  1. You are very much in my prayers, and
  2. “Reassigment” surgery is out of the question, as the church forbids surgeries that maim the body. Reassignment surgery is sure to do that.

Hi Rosa,

I’m glad you saw your name at “CIJS”… you know I can’t post there till after Easter? I offered you support on your Makeover thread and I offer you support now… It took great courage to be able to post this and I am so proud of you…
Have you talked w/ a priest or a psychologist about this?
You are in my prayers…
God Bless,
Annunciata:)

Thorn: You have no idea how grateful I am that you posted so frankly and so courageously. I watch with a great deal of worry people with sexuality ‘issues’ at my Church. It’s a cathedral actually and the Cardinal quite often attends there. When he does, somebody with a sexuality ‘issue’ often runs up the aisle and screams something at him.

Before yall out there get all up and indignant please keep in mind the following:

a) my Cardinal is a hale and hearty fellow;

b) think of the pain and desperation that drove those people to run up the aisle and scream.

c) think of the reality that they didn’t have to run up the aisle and scream; they could have just washed their hands of us and left the Church but they didn’t.

d) think of how much Our Lady and Our Lord loves those people.

e) remember your charity.

I feel helpless Thorn. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should do something. But I don’t know what to do.

Please understand that I and people like me depend on you and those like you to help us to understand and to embrace you. Stay with us. Stay the course. Ani.

Dear Rosadel,

Thank you for posting. It takes a lot of courage to post such a personal and sensitive subject. You certainly have your cross to carry. I will be praying for you.

God bless

Dear Rosadel,

Please remember that you are a precious child of God. He loves you and begs for you to place these burdens upon His shoulders. The more you trust, receive the sacraments and turn to Him in prayer, the more He will shower you with graces to overcome these temptations.

About your hair…

Several years ago, I got gum in my hair and unfortunately nothing would get it out and I had to chop all of my hair off. Growing it out was extremely time consuming and very annoying. However…I would go in repeatedly for “shape-ups” and get my hair trimmed and shaped to my face to make it more attractive. Since you are growing it out and feel in need of a haircut, you may actually be in need of a trim! I would always feel so much better after it was shaped a little bit more and felt more attractive when it didn’t look all uneven, etc. I used large rollers to roll my hair (or a thick curling iron), some styling gel and a little spritz of hairspray to keep it looking styled and feminine. If you don’t know how to do that (don’t feel bad, many women have no idea how to style their hair), call even some inexpensive hair place and tell them you want to have a “basic styling” done. Explain you want to make your hair more manageable, shaped to your face and you want to learn how to style it. Watch them carefully as they dry, straighten or curl your hair. Practice doing it until you feel comfortable.

I would approach this question of embracing your femininity as an experiment. Perhaps you will feel calmer and less panicky about delving into “girly stuff” if you can tell your psyche that “if it doesn’t work, I’ll stop overtly trying to be girlie and stick to just being Rosadel, men’s clothing and all.” There is nothing immoral about wearing men’s clothing. However, there is nothing very feminine about it, either. If you choose to go back to wearing men’s clothing in the long run, you will not be sinning. The sin starts when surgeries start happening…so please, don’t go there.

Please give this six months. Let your hair grow out, add some women’s clothing to your wardrobe, take care of your skin and let yourself “feel” what it is like to be a woman. If you find it absolutely unbearable in six months time, then re-evaluate and ask yourself at that point if the progress you have made then is still worth going forward by.

You are going to laugh at this suggestion, but it’s going to help. Go to the pharmacy and buy pre-natal vitamins. Buy horse hair shampoo. (There is a brand called “Horse n’ Tail” and it is in the regular shampoo aisle.) Both of these will help your hair grow out faster. The pre-natal vitamins will not only be good for your body (they just have basic vitamins and minerals in there, but stop taking your daily multi-vitamin and focus on this one isntead), they will make your nails and hair grow and perhaps jumpstart this process.

Do you have health insurance? Please call Catholic Charities or go to catholictherapists.com and find a Catholic Counselor in your area. If you can’t find one, I have a friend with a very reputable national reputation who specializes in psychosexual disorders. Your feelings may or may not be predisposed due to your biochemistry, but I would be willing to bet there has been situational circumstances that cause these feelings and needs within you. Counseling can help TREMENDOUSLY. My friend does phone consults and counseling long distance (he is on the east coast) and bills long distance. He is Catholic and extremely devout.

I will be praying for you.
Abby

thorngen x and princess abby You have pm’s from me. thankyou

[quote=bapcathluth]Dear Rosadel,
I will remember you in my prayers this evening. I hope you find a resolution that makes you feel complete.
[/quote]

Thank you very much for your thoughts and prayers. I stopped by the library with less than a half an hour to closing (I do not own a computer of my own, but use them at the library and a training room at work when I am off the clock, I do not expect my workplace to pay me to surf the web for my own personal use.) When the library closes I will head for work (and arrive early), but if it’s really busy at work, I may have to get on the phones and take calls.

Thanks again,

we’ll be praying for you, rosadel. hang in there. hope you soon realize what fun it is to be a girly-girl! but no need to rush:)

Sorry for my part in helping keep this society so fixated with the sexual abuse of other humans. I’m trying now to think how people can find their God given gifts of service and so help us find our true calling to serve God and people and thereby find our true self through this selfgiving love.

John

[quote=demolitionman65]Wow.

:bowdown:for such a post.

Two things:

  1. You are very much in my prayers, and
  2. “Reassigment” surgery is out of the question, as the church forbids surgeries that maim the body. Reassignment surgery is sure to do that.
    [/quote]

Thanks for the prayers and I have turned away from the option of gender reassignment. I no longer have any contact with transgender organizations (meaning the ones that say “gay is ok” and “gender reassignment is vaild”) on the internet or offline. I have returned to my spiritual home, the Roman Catholic Church and am praying to obey her and seeking help deal with this while remaining loyal to the Church’s true moral teachings.

I see now that “reassignment” would only make things worse…distort my body further, possibly ruin my heath and do much more damage to my mind.

Sincerely,

Rosa,
My heart goes out to you.

I grew up very tomboyish and tough (and aggressive) and pretty clueless about my own femininity.

I grew up in the 60’s-70’s and looking back it just seems like the culture (of death) did just about everything it could do to denigrate or deny whatever femininity I tried to cling to.

There are many many good posts thru out this forum dealing with sexuality issues and role issues and gender issues; I hope that the authors of some of them will post a link here for you.

The casual attitude toward sex that this culture has fostered has undermined our very sacredness. Our sacredness is tightly bound with our sex. Men are sacred in their way and women are sacred in their way. Equal, different, and complementary.

Look into Theology of the Body.

For a start, you can read and re-read John Paul II’s: On the Dignity and Vocation of Women (Mulieris Dignitatum (sp?))
cin.org/jp2ency/digvocat.html

We could/will probably give you enough reading material to get you thru the next millenium :yup:

Rosa, you are a woman. You’ll find your expression.

This sounds really schmultzy but trust in God, because in Him you will find yourself and you will blossom.

I’ve been told that I’m very feminine (the first time literally shocked me)-- and yet I have never been a girly-girl.

I have to run for the night, but like Ani said so eloquently: Stay the course. Stay with us.

Peace, Prayers, and Blessings,
shannon

[quote=Annunciata]Hi Rosa,

I’m glad you saw your name at “CIJS”… you know I can’t post there till after Easter? I offered you support on your Makeover thread and I offer you support now… It took great courage to be able to post this and I am so proud of you…
Have you talked w/ a priest or a psychologist about this?
You are in my prayers…
God Bless,
Annunciata:)
[/quote]

The last time I brought it up in confession, my parish priest just quickly absolved me without saying much. In the past, he has said things like “this gender thing will work itself out”.:confused:

Thank you for your support and prayers though. It will not be easy, but I am striving with God’s grace to turn to the true teachings of the Catholic Church (meaning the ones in union with the Pope and traditional teachings). If I did not want the traditional point of view, I sure picked the wrong forum to post to and read :rotfl:
Seriously though, I know that “anything goes” thoughts and actions leads to misery on Earth.

[quote=Ani Ibi]Thorn: You have no idea how grateful I am that you posted so frankly and so courageously. I watch with a great deal of worry people with sexuality ‘issues’ at my Church. It’s a cathedral actually and the Cardinal quite often attends there. When he does, somebody with a sexuality ‘issue’ often runs up the aisle and screams something at him.

Before yall out there get all up and indignant please keep in mind the following:

a) my Cardinal is a hale and hearty fellow;

b) think of the pain and desperation that drove those people to run up the aisle and scream.

c) think of the reality that they didn’t have to run up the aisle and scream; they could have just washed their hands of us and left the Church but they didn’t.

d) think of how much Our Lady and Our Lord loves those people.

e) remember your charity.

I feel helpless Thorn. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should do something. But I don’t know what to do.

Please understand that I and people like me depend on you and those like you to help us to understand and to embrace you. Stay with us. Stay the course. Ani.
[/quote]

Sorry to hear your Cardinal was treated so poorly. I think that kind of behavior made me see just how hypocritical the “gay is ok” people can be, demanding to be treated with respect but showing little to none for those who disagree with them. Mother Angelica is very outspoken about the “gay is ok” way of life. I regret ever leaving the Church I came to as a convert via RCIA in the early '90s (the Roman Catholic church in case anyone is unsure of what I mean) for the empty and painful lies of the gay lifestyle.

As I continue on my spiritual path, I want to rid myself of anything not pleasing to the Lord (with His grace of course). When considering changes to my way of dress and overall look to a more feminine way, I seemed to be bombarded with doubts and temptations. My recent posts were my way to get to the heart of the matter by admitting to what the root of my avoiding looking feminine has been. I do this in hopes of finding help to get past that and be transformed by God’s grace into the woman He wants me to be.

Many sources clearly say that when trying to get closer to the Lord the enemy often attacks all guns blazing so to speak, especially when one is about to make a very important step forward on the spiritual journey. In other words, I think I am being tested and am trying to get all the help I can. Hiding and denial will not help, since the problem can just fester in the “dark”, I am now dragging it into the light.

[quote=ThornGenX]The last time I brought it up in confession, my parish priest just quickly absolved me without saying much. In the past, he has said things like “this gender thing will work itself out”.:confused:

[/quote]

Rosadel,

Find yourself a good spiritual advisor. It may take you a while–but don’t let that deter you. Choosing the right one is imperative.

God Bless you
Your honesty and courage should be an example to us all.

[quote=Princess_Abby]Dear Rosadel,

Please remember that you are a precious child of God. He loves you and begs for you to place these burdens upon His shoulders. The more you trust, receive the sacraments and turn to Him in prayer, the more He will shower you with graces to overcome these temptations.

About your hair…

Several years ago, I got gum in my hair and unfortunately nothing would get it out and I had to chop all of my hair off. Growing it out was extremely time consuming and very annoying. However…I would go in repeatedly for “shape-ups” and get my hair trimmed and shaped to my face to make it more attractive. Since you are growing it out and feel in need of a haircut, you may actually be in need of a trim! I would always feel so much better after it was shaped a little bit more and felt more attractive when it didn’t look all uneven, etc. I used large rollers to roll my hair (or a thick curling iron), some styling gel and a little spritz of hairspray to keep it looking styled and feminine. If you don’t know how to do that (don’t feel bad, many women have no idea how to style their hair), call even some inexpensive hair place and tell them you want to have a “basic styling” done. Explain you want to make your hair more manageable, shaped to your face and you want to learn how to style it. Watch them carefully as they dry, straighten or curl your hair. Practice doing it until you feel comfortable.

I would approach this question of embracing your femininity as an experiment. Perhaps you will feel calmer and less panicky about delving into “girly stuff” if you can tell your psyche that “if it doesn’t work, I’ll stop overtly trying to be girlie and stick to just being Rosadel, men’s clothing and all.” There is nothing immoral about wearing men’s clothing. However, there is nothing very feminine about it, either. If you choose to go back to wearing men’s clothing in the long run, you will not be sinning. The sin starts when surgeries start happening…so please, don’t go there.

Please give this six months. Let your hair grow out, add some women’s clothing to your wardrobe, take care of your skin and let yourself “feel” what it is like to be a woman. If you find it absolutely unbearable in six months time, then re-evaluate and ask yourself at that point if the progress you have made then is still worth going forward by.

You are going to laugh at this suggestion, but it’s going to help. Go to the pharmacy and buy pre-natal vitamins. Buy horse hair shampoo. (There is a brand called “Horse n’ Tail” and it is in the regular shampoo aisle.) Both of these will help your hair grow out faster. The pre-natal vitamins will not only be good for your body (they just have basic vitamins and minerals in there, but stop taking your daily multi-vitamin and focus on this one isntead), they will make your nails and hair grow and perhaps jumpstart this process.

Do you have health insurance? Please call Catholic Charities or go to catholictherapists.com and find a Catholic Counselor in your area. If you can’t find one, I have a friend with a very reputable national reputation who specializes in psychosexual disorders. Your feelings may or may not be predisposed due to your biochemistry, but I would be willing to bet there has been situational circumstances that cause these feelings and needs within you. Counseling can help TREMENDOUSLY. My friend does phone consults and counseling long distance (he is on the east coast) and bills long distance. He is Catholic and extremely devout.

I will be praying for you.
Abby
[/quote]

Thanks for all the good ideas. With all the years wasted on worldly lies, I do need to continue to stick with the Lord and His Truth. I know that in the depth of my heart and soul. Putting it in practice, that’s the tough part. Also, that’s the most important part. Strange how difficult and painful it can be to get away from lies that only lead to more pain and I believe ultimate destruction.

I do have health insurance, but I believe it’s HMO. I am actually staying a couple hours after work for “open enrollment” for health plans, but I think it’s basically “yes you take our one plan” or “you decline our one plan”. I know the Lord will help me through this, I have to believe and trust Him.

[quote=ThornGenX]Sorry to hear your Cardinal was treated so poorly.
[/quote]

The Cardinal needs to hear from those under his wings – all those under his wings. Our Cardinal is tough. (Ambrozic) I would rather have people run up the aisles screaming their distress and confusion, then simply harden their hearts and withdraw to the chaos and snares outside the Church. Let them run up our aisles and scream – any day!

[quote=ThornGenX]I think that kind of behavior made me see just how hypocritical the “gay is ok” people can be, demanding to be treated with respect but showing little to none for those who disagree with them.
[/quote]

Well, there is a lobby which, from where I am standing, appears to behave in a dictatorial and uncharitable manner toward both its own members and to ‘outsiders.’

[quote=ThornGenX]I regret ever leaving the Church I came to as a convert via RCIA in the early '90s (the Roman Catholic church in case anyone is unsure of what I mean) for the empty and painful lies of the gay lifestyle.
[/quote]

Maybe Thorn, this is a calling. Maybe you, like Cardinal Ambrozic, had to see the distress and lostness that is out there, not only in yourself but in others.

[quote=ThornGenX]As I continue on my spiritual path, I want to rid myself of anything not pleasing to the Lord (with His grace of course).

[/quote]

Come back to the Why did He let them walk away thread. I think you have quite a bit of insight surfacing on what substance you have versus what substance Jesus has and what substance the Eucharist has. Hint: take the Eucharist as often as you can.

[quote=ThornGenX]When considering changes to my way of dress and overall look to a more feminine way, I seemed to be bombarded with doubts and temptations.

[/quote]

Hek, you don’t have to put rollers in your hair to be feminine. We are free to be feminine in many diverse ways. Why it could even be fun finding your own way instead of continuing to carry the heavy burden of ‘conforming.’ Hint: I don’t think wearing rollers is infallible teaching.

[quote=ThornGenX]My recent posts were my way to get to the heart of the matter by admitting to what the root of my avoiding looking feminine has been. I do this in hopes of finding help to get past that and be transformed by God’s grace into the woman He wants me to be.

[/quote]

Remember good old Audrey Hepburn in the Nun’s Story? Remember the scene where she shaves her head? What about Mother Theresa? Did she prance about fluffing her hair? I don’t think so. She was a tough, gentle bird. Had to be to get that kind of work done. Gosh, now speaking about the saints, there must be lots of examples in there of different takes on feminity. Whoa! What about St Joan of Arc?

[quote=ThornGenX]Many sources clearly say that when trying to get closer to the Lord the enemy often attacks all guns blazing so to speak, especially when one is about to make a very important step forward on the spiritual journey.

[/quote]

Bet on it. The gates of Hell will not prevail against the Church. So be there.

[quote=ThornGenX]In other words, I think I am being tested

[/quote]

I think so too.

[quote=ThornGenX]and am trying to get all the help I can.

[/quote]

You are wise and noble.

[quote=ThornGenX]Hiding and denial will not help, since the problem can just fester in the “dark”, I am now dragging it into the light.
[/quote]

And, by doing so, you help not only yourself but you help everyone like you. Moreover you help us to enlarge our understanding and our capacity for love. God bless you.

[quote=Ani Ibi]The Cardinal needs to hear from those under his wings – all those under his wings. Our Cardinal is tough. (Ambrozic) I would rather have people run up the aisles screaming their distress and confusion, then simply harden their hearts and withdraw to the chaos and snares outside the Church. Let them run up our aisles and scream – any day!

Well, there is a lobby which, from where I am standing, appears to behave in a dictatorial and uncharitable manner toward both its own members and to ‘outsiders.’

Maybe Thorn, this is a calling. Maybe you, like Cardinal Ambrozic, had to see the distress and lostness that is out there, not only in yourself but in others.

Come back to the Why did He let them walk away thread. I think you have quite a bit of insight surfacing on what substance you have versus what substance Jesus has and what substance the Eucharist has. Hint: take the Eucharist as often as you can.

Hek, you don’t have to put rollers in your hair to be feminine. We are free to be feminine in many diverse ways. Why it could even be fun finding your own way instead of continuing to carry the heavy burden of ‘conforming.’ Hint: I don’t think wearing rollers is infallible teaching.

Remember good old Audrey Hepburn in the Nun’s Story? Remember the scene where she shaves her head? What about Mother Theresa? Did she prance about fluffing her hair? I don’t think so. She was a tough, gentle bird. Had to be to get that kind of work done. Gosh, now speaking about the saints, there must be lots of examples in there of different takes on feminity. Whoa! What about St Joan of Arc?

Bet on it. The gates of Hell will not prevail against the Church. So be there.

I think so too.

You are wise and noble.

And, by doing so, you help not only yourself but you help everyone like you. Moreover you help us to enlarge our understanding and our capacity for love. God bless you.
[/quote]

Thanks for input. My parish priest seems to think that the haircut I have and the department (women’s vs men’s) I get my clothes from should not matter. When I see the threads about clothes and hair, it concerns me sometimes since I am trying to make progress in my spiritual journey. Some of the more conservative things I read even say that a woman wearing men’s clothes offends God more than wearing a micro-mini skirt and low cut top to Mass!!! Simliar things imply the same for hair style.

Just as a side note, I actually did shave all my hair off one time. I tried to use one of those home haircut clippers and could not get my hair to come out even, so just evened it out in the extreme way and shaved it all off. That was the last time I tried that.

[quote=ThornGenX]Thanks for input. My parish priest seems to think that the haircut I have and the department (women’s vs men’s) I get my clothes from should not matter.
[/quote]

He is the one who knows you.

[quote=ThornGenX]When I see the threads about clothes and hair, it concerns me sometimes since I am trying to make progress in my spiritual journey. Some of the more conservative things I read even say that a woman wearing men’s clothes offends God more than wearing a micro-mini skirt and low cut top to Mass!!! Simliar things imply the same for hair style.
[/quote]

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