Help - I'm ready to be done with my goddaughter's family


#1

What do you do when you can no longer deal with your godchild’s family? I love my goddaughter immensely, but I’ve had enough of this. Today was another day that my goddaughter’s mother promised to call back and didn’t. This happens all the time. The last time was followed by profuse apologies. This time she was asked “So, you’re going to call back before ‘xyz’?” “Yes” was the answer. However, no call back happened. I know this is a small thing, but it is just one little thing that shows the complete disrespect the family gives to us, the godparents. (My husband is her godfather.)

If plans are made to get together with our goddaughter’s family, it is not uncommon for them to be 2 hours (or more) late.

Add to this that it pains me to watch her stuck in such a chaotic family and I’ve just about had enough. I am stressed out to the point where I am dizzy and nauseous just thinking about all this.

If it weren’t for the promises I made in becoming a godparent, this would be a very easy decision to just leave these people out of my life. I don’t even think they would notice (aside from my goddaughter, but she’s too young still) if we stopped calling!

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. I’m starting to feel that her family makes it impossible for us to be the godparents that we want to be. :frowning:


#2

Can you schedule time to be with your god daughter alone, rather than having to include the entire family?

It sounds like they are very, very busy - they probably don’t mean to be rude (I want to think the best of them, and hopefully they are not being rude on purpose), and they are probably not thinking that you are sitting by the phone waiting for them to call you - they probably think that you are just as busy as they are.

I am thinking that it might be easier just to skip the family social events so that they can get on with whatever is keeping them so occupied, and just take the little girl herself for a few hours every so often, so that you can keep up with her progress.


#3

Maybe you can step back from the situation and take a few deep breaths. I’m sure you’ve left out significant details, but from what you describe… it doesn’t seem like your reaction is appropriate for the slight. :confused:

If they’re chaotic, and you mention your goddaughter is still pretty young–it sounds like they’re a family with small children. I’m not sure what your situation is, but many families with small children ARE chaotic. It’s difficult to predict the needs of young children sometimes–they get sick, they get hungry, they get tired–and not just when they’re ‘supposed’ to on a schedule! :slight_smile:

Certainly it’s rude to be late for a gathering. Definitely it’s unfortunate to miss the agreed upon time for a phone call–but, sometimes those things happen. Could you have called HER instead? Is it important to you to feel as if she is equally involved in making plans? Try to recognize that she can love and appreciate you but not necessarily have time spent together as the number one priority right now.

I don’t think this situation should make you dizzy and nauseas… I think maybe you should consider why it’s bothering you so much, since broken plans or missed phone calls are just part of life. You just reschedule!

I think you should give it some time and try not to take it so personally that your goddaughter’s family isn’t behaving as you would hope. As she gets older, your relationship with her will evolve and become special, just between the two of you.


#4

Thanks, but no I don’t think I got the story across well at all.

There is a very long tale involved but the short of it is:

Nearly every single phone call is not returned as promised.

They have never been on time - always at least 45 minutes late and without calling to let us know usually!

As far as the chaos goes, this is more serious chaos. If the novel length story were written out it would contain vocabulary like: psychiatric ward, AA, jail, DCF, etc. I wouldn’t be dizzy and nauseous about the simple chaos of raising a family!

If there was a way to just spend time with my goddaughter, that’s certainly what I’d be aiming for. However, arranging time with her would involve dealing with the family and I have come to the realization that their word is no good. I would worry about if she would be there when I went to go pick her up and I would incessantly be calling them back when they don’t call me.

I fear this stress would never end. Am I failing as a godparent, am I failing my goddaughter if I can no longer deal with this situation?


#5

Hi,

I understand your frustration.

The most important duty you have to your godchild is to pray for her daily.

Several years ago I agreed to be godmother for a friend’s son. Soon after the baptism, the child became the subject of a custody situation that resulted in my not being allowed any contact with him at all. I have not seen or spoken to my godson in 8 years, but I have never ceased to pray for him, and in my heart I know that he benefits from this. God does not expect the impossible.

Do your best and leave the rest to God. I hope this helps.

Freda


#6

Some people are just always late. I don’t understand it, but, if I care for the people - I have learned to be flexible. If they say they will be here at 6, I plan on them to show up sometime between 5:30 and 8.

Returning phone calls, well, I am guilty of that one, so, I’m forgiving on that one. If it is important, I just call again myself.

My advice, just be available, be loving, be happy to see the family when you can. Can you arrange to go to the same Mass they attend?


#7

It is always a sad situation when we are held at arms length from the children we love. I think you can only pray pray pray for your godchild. Also send cards and e-mails and things that keep you in his or her memory… Never stop your contact, even if it is 2nd hand so to speak. Some people pick Godparents because they have to have them to baptize the baby. They really don’t want to fallow though with the obligations of the religion itself. It is possible that they don’t want the religion part that you are wanting . God will show you the way if you quite yourslf internally and really listens.God speaks very softly sometimes. God Bless you for tiring


#8

Pray for your God daughter and send her appropriate gifts. Stop making plans w/ her family. Why set yourself up for the stress?
–KCT


#9

Are you feeling like they just “went through the motions” of Baptisim and that you ( the Godparents) just don’t matter to them? That’s kind of the way I’m reading your post.

Unfortunately, my family is like that. They couldn’t understand why it was so hard for me to pick Godparents for my dd. “Just pick your sister. She would love to be a godmother”. “Um, Mom… Kathy doesn’t even go to Church. What kind of example would she be?” “Oh, gees,Kim. It’s just a Godparent”.

Yep… I know how you feel…

I guess all you can do is pray for them. That and offer to babysit. They get a night out. You get to spend time with your godchild. :thumbsup:

Kim


#10

Thank you all for your kind words.

Amazingly, we got a phone call from them last night. There were excuses as to why it was late, but no bother any of that - there was a PHONE CALL! That in and of itself is a miracle!

Perhaps it is true that changes are trying to be made this time. (Yes, we’ve heard this all before, but somehow I have the same amount of faith each time that THIS will be the time that will really be different!)

I still don’t know if I will get to see my goddaughter tomorrow for her birthday or not, but I’m holding onto hope and trying not to let the stress get to me. Between all of you and some prayer, I’m going to try to love and pray for my goddaughter and her family and try to not let the other stuff get to me. It will be a lot of constant forgiveness, but I realize that some relationships are like that. It won’t be easy, but what is worth it that’s easy?

Thank you all again.


#11

FredaR - Your story helps me appreciate that I do have the opportunity to be in my goddaughter’s life and to give that up would be a big shame. Will I want to give it up at times? I am absolutely certain that I will want to when things get so messy I am at my wit’s end! I will pray that someday there will be a place for you in your godson’s life. That must be so very hard what you have gone through.

kage_ar - Available, loving and happy to see them. How simple and beautiful is that? Thank you for those words. My first reaction to that was - they don’t deserve that! How awful of me - that’s certainly not what JC would want me to do. :blush:

juliamca - For whatever odd reason, (as a newer Catholic) it never dawned on me to pray daily for my goddaughter! Of course I would pray for her when things got tough for them, but not every day when things were okay. She has certainly now made it into daily prayer - I feel pretty dense that that had slipped me by! :rolleyes: Yes, God certainly does answer quietly sometimes. But I’ve learned that he certainly does answer!

mesquite magic - How awful that your parents said that to you! I’m so sorry and I hope you were able to choose godparents that you feel will do the best job. No, I think they take the godparent thing seriously. It will sound odd, but I’m not sure they know how to treat the people they care about well? They seem to float along in a sea of drama and once you get them aboard the rescue boat they just don’t have the sense to calm down and sit down long enough to keep themselves from falling back into the sea! And as far as babysitting goes, we do babysit on times. Of course, it’s usually us offering and pushing it rather than them asking us to!


#12

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