Help me answer my question!


#1

I am a Catholic convert. I converted 10 years ago. Since that time, I have gone through a seperation because my husband was abusive and cheated. I could not take it anymore. I was not married through the church, but we did have 5 children together.

We are still legally married. We are in touch quite a bit because of the children and are civil to eachother. Since the break up, he has met another woman and seems to be very happy with her. (She is one of my best friends if you can believe that.) I too am with someone and am very happy with him.

I want to get married with the man that I love. I want to know, if there is a way to get married through the church. I want this marriage to be blessed by the church. I have not spoken to my priest about it due to 4 changes in priests in the past couple of years.

I know that this all sounds really incredible, but I just want an honest answer. I was married through a church, but it was not the Catholic church.

Please, I don’t want any judgement calls here. I just want some advice. Thank you for your reply.


#2

You need to go to your Priest and talk to him about getting an annulment through the Church. I don’t know the details but the Priest will. Peace in Christ.


#3

You should contact your pastor and you may find things are easier than you may have thought - read on.

A friend who works as a parish secretary remarried a few years ago. Both she and her fiance were divorced Catholics and applied for annulments. Her first marriage had been in the Catholic church and her annulment was a long and involved process. Her fiance had not married in the church the first time and he got his annulment automatically - it’s called “absence of canonical form.”

By the way - if you get your annulment, your children are still considered legitimate. Another friend of ours refuses to apply for annulment because she says it would make her daughter a “bastard” - completely wrong!


#4

Wow, when did they change that? That was one of the things I was warned about when I went for an annullment. They said that the child from the marriage in the eyes of the church would be considered illigit.

Do you possibly have a link?


#5

[quote=betra2000]I am a Catholic convert. I converted 10 years ago. Since that time, I have gone through a seperation because my husband was abusive and cheated. I could not take it anymore. I was not married through the church, but we did have 5 children together
[/quote]

This is not clear to me. If you converted, did you get your marriage “blessed” at the time that you converted? It sounds like you are saying you got married before you joined the Church, but often people get their marriage blessed when they join the Church. Was your husband Catholic when you married? There are lots of permutations that may or may not matter.

My advice is to talk to your current priest (before he escapes too!). :slight_smile: That is how you would start the process for an annulment anyway. He would know the details better than us here on the forum. I hope it works out for you!


#6

[quote=Pug]This is not clear to me. If you converted, did you get your marriage “blessed” at the time that you converted? It sounds like you are saying you got married before you joined the Church, but often people get their marriage blessed when they join the Church. Was your husband Catholic when you married? There are lots of permutations that may or may not matter.

My advice is to talk to your current priest (before he escapes too!). :slight_smile: That is how you would start the process for an annulment anyway. He would know the details better than us here on the forum. I hope it works out for you!
[/quote]

We were married before I converted. Yes, my husband is a Catholic. We were married for 10 years. When I converted was right around the time that I left the marriage due to fear. I could not take the physical or the mental abuse any longer.

I am going to make an appointment to speak to my Priest. I was trying to avoid that as he is new and I don’t know him at all. But, I know that I will have to eventually. Thank you for the replies thus far. If you have any examples of people you know, then let me know. Thank you


#7

[quote=betra2000]We were married before I converted. Yes, my husband is a Catholic. We were married for 10 years. When I converted was right around the time that I left the marriage due to fear. I could not take the physical or the mental abuse any longer.
[/quote]

I also meant to say I’m sorry about the abuse! That is so hard to get over, I’m sure. If your husband was Catholic when you married and he did not get a dispensation to marry outside the Church (that is, get married in a Protestant or other type of church), it **might **be very easy for you to get an annulment from defect of form. But there are lots of variables that there could be.

I have known a variety of people to get annulments, and there is always something different, it seems. I hope your priest turns out to be someone you can talk with comfortably.

Gelsbern, I think as well that the Church absolutely does not consider the children to be illegitimate if the parents get an annulment. The kids are fine, in that respect. I don’t know of a super link, though. Try Ask an Apologist here.


#8

[quote=betra2000]I am a Catholic convert. I converted 10 years ago. Since that time, I have gone through a seperation because my husband was abusive and cheated. I could not take it anymore. I was not married through the church, but we did have 5 children together.

We are still legally married. We are in touch quite a bit because of the children and are civil to eachother. Since the break up, he has met another woman and seems to be very happy with her. (She is one of my best friends if you can believe that.) I too am with someone and am very happy with him.

I want to get married with the man that I love. I want to know, if there is a way to get married through the church. I want this marriage to be blessed by the church. I have not spoken to my priest about it due to 4 changes in priests in the past couple of years.

I know that this all sounds really incredible, but I just want an honest answer. I was married through a church, but it was not the Catholic church.

Please, I don’t want any judgement calls here. I just want some advice. Thank you for your reply.
[/quote]

Until a nullity of marriage is determined, the Church presumes your first marriage is valid and, therefore, that you are a married woman. Since you are still legally married that is definitely true. If you asked an apologist in the Ask the Apologist forum, I’m quite sure they would say that you shouldn’t be involved romantically with anyone until you are no longer married legally and in the eyes of the Church.

I know that the Church won’t consider an annulment until there is actually a civil divorce, so that should be your first step. After the divorce is final, you can apply for an annulment. If your marriage is declared null, you would be free to date the man you love again. This is what I understand of the Church’s position, but you would definitely want to talk to a priest.

I know it sounds like it would take too long for all this to get resolved and I appreciate the fact that you’re in love. Finding true love after being in an abusive marriage is amazing. (I’ve been there) I will pray for you!


#9

[quote=gelsbern]Wow, when did they change that? That was one of the things I was warned about when I went for an annullment. They said that the child from the marriage in the eyes of the church would be considered illigit.

Do you possibly have a link?
[/quote]

gelsbern, do you know of any references where that was the Church’s view??? I have always been told that the division with the parents did not affect the children from the marriage. How could one imput on the child what was not their fault espcially since when they were born, the parents were “married” (at least in the legal sense)??? Thanks and God Bless.


#10

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