Looking for a little bit of marriage advice. We have no huge problems.
My husband is a wonderful man and father. He takes care of us. We both lack some self-discipline and self-control, so I am not putting it all on him. But I want to be able to help him without nagging him or becoming a pain. I'd love some advice to help me do this.
We just had our first baby 11 months ago and we have been married under 5 years. He works and comes home and is tired - understandably!! He tries to help me as much as he can with the baby, but a lot of time he lacks energy and does just want to relax and watch the TV for the rest of the night or whatever. Don't get me wrong, he spends time with the baby and bathes him some nights and everything. But he is exhausted and it's because he doesn't eat right. It will lead to him being grumpy or snappy. And we were reading a book together and doing the exercises (a Catholic marriage book) but now he is unmotivated to continue, too tired to read I guess. I've asked him a few times to continue reading but I don't want to nag him. I don't blame him for not wanting to read it after he works a long day, I guess, but in a way it hurts.
So, I try not to have junk in the house. I make good meals. I try to feed him well. But he always wants to cave and eat candy and things that are bad for him and make him put on weight or feel sluggish and tired. I can only do so much. I can keep it out of the house and cook good stuff, but he has to discipline himself somewhere. I feel resentful a lot that he complains he is so tired yet he eats so bad sometimes so it's his fault and I can't do anything else about it. (He's not a heavy guy, just a few extra pounds, he could easily be in great shape and feeling great if he worked out a little or even just ate better.)
Because he's just tired he is impatient. He is impatient by nature. He tends to swear (nothing terrible or out of this world, just something I don't want the baby to pick up on) and I told him we need to give up swearing and be careful. He agrees totally, but he doesn't watch himself or make a good effort and he's always swearing and getting aggravated. It makes me feel like he needs to grow up. We have a kid now.
On top of all that, I definitely just don't feel like we are connecting enough. We communicate very well but he's too tired to even show me much affection, let alone surprise me once by saying, "Here honey, let me load the dishwasher" or even rinse off his plate or bring it from the table to the sink. Is this just a phase of marriage? I don't know... it's like we have the "blahs" and I feel like I have 2 kids instead of one. :o I mean, last night I went to sit on his lap while he watched TV and he just continued to watch TV and say how tired he was. I just wanted him to look at me or give me a little kiss, not have to ask for it!
I feel like I try to be thoughtful and give and give but he's not very thoughtful... or he IS, but he is too tired to want to do anything about it. He is awesome at taking care of us and all the big things - he is a wonderful provider! So I feel bad complaining, but some small things really matter, if that makes sense. :blush:
How can I help him and the situation gently without being a nag?! :shrug: