Help is always near, for we are never, never alone.
I will pray for you and for your dearly beloved daughter, whom I am certain is before Christ’s throne of glory, ever interceding for you until you meet again in Heaven.
Please, do not do anything that your daughter would not approve of. Remember that she is in the Lord’s peace, now, and that she wants you to become the saint you are meant to be in order to attain heaven. I am certain that her prayers gain for you all the graces you will ever need, including the grace of final perseverance, as your courageous life of faith and virtue already show, but you must keep holding on to the hand of God.
Your anger is understandable. When my father was diagnosed with cancer and certain medical centers refused to treat him because of low income, I had all sorts of thoughts in my mind, and at night, feeling angry and unable to help, I plotted terrible revenges if my father were to die because of their lack of charity. Anger is something I know well.
But I also know it is entirely vain and useless. It is written: “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord”. I do not take my Lord’s sword, for He will punish rightfully everyone deserving punishment - beginning with myself.
I also came to realize that we are all human. We are miserable beings. We make mistakes. We don’t understand stuff. We mess up. When my best friend died in a scooter accident on the other side of the world, for years I felt guilty for not remaining in contact with him, for not being a better friend, for leaving him alone. We never understand the heart of those around us. So maybe this woman you now blame - perhaps even hate - is guilty of some things, or maybe you are at a moment in which your mind, so greatly hurt, is channeling hatred towards a target. Be careful, because this is a dangerous thing to do, to see someone as the enemy when in fact our only enemy is the devil. Be careful, because tomorrow you may end up blaming yourself with as much hatred and anger, and nobody knows what would you do.
Step away from hatred. Your daughter, who now only loves of the purest love and partakes of divine life, would not want you to hate anybody. She would not want you to blame anyone. She would instead want you to remember that which she herself treasured in her heart, the word of her beloved Lord and Savior Jesus, who said: this is the will of my Father: that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life, and I will raise them up in the last day.
Never forget Martha, broken-hearted, at the feet of Christ, screaming and crying: "if you had been here, my brother Lazarus would be alive! and Christ, also crying of sorrow, replied: “Your brother will rise again.” But Martha was still in pain, because in her mind, her brother was dead. She had not understood that God is not the God of the dead, but of the living. Christ addressed her with the solemnity worthy of God, and declared:
**I am the resurrection and the life.
Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.**
God is not the god of the dead, but the God of the living. Your daughter lives. She echoes the words of Saint Paul: I live, or rather, Christ lives in me. The life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Now you, too, need to live.
Step out of darkness into light. Walk into the light of Christ, the light of your daughter’s eyes. Christ said: for a time I am gone, and you will seek for me but will not find me…why are you sad? If you loved me, you would rejoice, for I am going to the Father…but you will see me again, and on that day nobody will take your joy away
This is our faith. With this faith we traverse this valley of tears. Do not let anyone or anything - not a human being, not a demon, not your own hurt self - take this from you. This is your gate of heaven, your key unto eternity. She lives, and she is with a greater Father who once entrusted her beautiful pristine soul to your care, and He will take good care of her for a time, now, and you will see her again. I ask you in Christ: do you believe?
You are never alone. Please, talk to a priest. Tell him about these great struggles you face. Ask his blessing. Ask him to give you a phone number where you can reach him at any time, day or night. If you are in a crisis and need to talk to someone, there is a precious help, the National Crisis Hotline, where someone is always available to help at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) And we, too, are here, praying for you. But above all else, Christ is with you, and in Christ, your daughter. Just close your eyes, and in your heartbeats you will feel her smile. Hold on to that smile. Keep her smiling by your own virtue, by your courage, by overcoming all hurt in love.