Help me reach out to a woman who just had an abortion!


#1

Oh my,
A girl I used to work with just had an abortion. I saw her about a month ago and she shared this with me. she was crying and torn apart. her boyfriend really wanted her to do it. She wasn’t sure because she believed it was wrong, but went and did it anyway. I talked with her for a while and tried to offer some comfort. then we didn’t speak for several weeks due to thankgiving and some other things going on. I called her today though and she said something kind of troubling. it turns out that the guy she had been seeing is married and has two children. she did not know this until recently. she said that she’s glad she had the abortion now because she wouldn’t be able to deal with this news and a baby also. I am thinking this is what she is telling herself to deal with the guilt, but I’m not sure.

I am going to visit her for dinner on mondy. I really REALLY want to reach out to her with love. what should I say to her? I don’t want to walk on her feelings. I am so very worried about her. she’s so sad and alone and affraid. she says she keeps praying for things to get better, but they don’t. what should I do? Should I try and help her understand that what she did is wrong? I’ve never had to deal with this. does anyone here have any advice. please help! I’ve got one week to get ready. I don’t want to go over there with a big speach, but I do want to be able to give her some guidence.
Any advice would be GREATLY appriciated.
Sue


#2

Have a look at life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortionpas.htm

It covers issues that follow abortion. There is useful on life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortionpas1.htm which deals with Recovery following an abortion.

Let her know that there are people and organisations who will give her non-judgmental help if she needs it.

www.healinghearts.org
www.safehavenministries.com
www.afterabortion.info/PALinks.html
www.rachelsvineyard.org/

I imagine that most crisis pregnancy centers would have information on who she can contact. I had two young women I counselled tell me that they felt their lives were under a curse. Many other women felt that they deserved the bad things that happened in their lives.

Unfortunately, many women deny their grief/guilt for many years before it gets so bad they can’t repress it any longer. This can negatively affect all areas in their lives and also friends and family members.


#3

Rachel’s Vineyard or Project Rachel are probably the best known for helping women in situations like this. Ignoring what she did will not help. She needs to come to terms and seek forgiveness from her baby and from God.

As she is so sensitive, its really difficult to know what is going to reach her and what will go too deep too fast and close her off to you.

This isn’t the sort of situation you can have a set plan for. Pray for the Holy Spirit to inspire you with the words she needs and give her the resoures we’ve adviced you to.

God Bless,

Angela


#4

[quote=SueKrum]Oh my,
A girl I used to work with just had an abortion. I saw her about a month ago and she shared this with me. she was crying and torn apart. her boyfriend really wanted her to do it. She wasn’t sure because she believed it was wrong, but went and did it anyway. I talked with her for a while and tried to offer some comfort. then we didn’t speak for several weeks due to thankgiving and some other things going on. I called her today though and she said something kind of troubling. it turns out that the guy she had been seeing is married and has two children. she did not know this until recently. she said that she’s glad she had the abortion now because she wouldn’t be able to deal with this news and a baby also. I am thinking this is what she is telling herself to deal with the guilt, but I’m not sure.

I am going to visit her for dinner on mondy. I really REALLY want to reach out to her with love. what should I say to her? I don’t want to walk on her feelings. I am so very worried about her. she’s so sad and alone and affraid. she says she keeps praying for things to get better, but they don’t. what should I do? Should I try and help her understand that what she did is wrong? I’ve never had to deal with this. does anyone here have any advice. please help! I’ve got one week to get ready. I don’t want to go over there with a big speach, but I do want to be able to give her some guidence.
Any advice would be GREATLY appriciated.
Sue
[/quote]

Visit the websites for Rachel’s Vineyard and Project Rachel.

Call your local Catholic Respect Life office and/or a local Crisis Pregnancy Center-- they will have info on local post abortion healing retreats and ministries in your area. They can give you post abortion literature since your dinner is coming up so quickly. All CPCs that I have dealt with have these brochures.


#5

[quote=SueKrum]Oh my,
A girl I used to work with just had an abortion. She wasn’t sure because she believed it was wrong, but went and did it anyway. I talked with her for a while and tried to offer some comfort. she said that she’s glad she had the abortion now. I really REALLY want to reach out to her with love.
[/quote]

with the love she had towards her own aborted child…
you are talking about “comfort”… a mother has killed her own child… and we talk about “comfort”. There is blood in Heavens screaming for vengance, and we talk about “comfort”. “They called out in a loud voice, “How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?”” The most outrageous kind of horror took place, and we speak about “comfort”. There is a path of sorrow to follow, sorrow, sadness, remorse, lament, mourning… without any “comfort”…


#6

www.priestsforlife.org
has much help, some of the sites that already have been given you above are also on that site----they love them both. Which is what we are all called to do, regardless of how much our personal feelings tell us otherwise. …I will be praying for you too, and her and her precious baby.
Above all I would hit upon how “evil” the relationship she was in, was, afterall, look where it let her, that certainly was not of God.(that is, if she has any idea’s on continuing it.) Sounds like she doesn’t, but, make sure. No loving relationship would lead anyone to murder their own baby.


#7

First of all do not listen to anyone who tells you to smack her down with Bible verses about the heavens calling out for vengence. That is cruel. It is horrible. It is not Christian. It may be Old Testament, but as Our Lord stated to those who wanted to kill a woman at his feet for committing adultry, only someone who is without sin should cast the first stone. Never in my life, and on December 26th of this year I will have lived for 50 years, have I met a person who has led a life without sin.

You do not mention if this young girl is Catholic or not.

I would listen to her. Start by simply listening to her. She is suffering much more than simply the horrific effects of choosing to murder her own child because she thought it would make some man love her more. She is also suffering from the delusion that a life based on sex outside of marriage is a life well spent. She bought into the idea that she is not worthy of being someone’s wife. And she has also just discovered that the man who told her he ‘loved her’ has a wife and children. So now she is dealing with guilt, anger and more shame. She thinks it is ‘his’ fault and it is going to be very easy for her to fall into another trap - the trap of saying ‘all men are beasts’ because this one was untrustworthy and a liar’.

It may be a long time before you can get her to admit that she is partly to blame for being in this situation. For now, you can offer her comfort but very gently, when she starts to blame only him, try to gently bring her back to her own choice of getting involved with him by saying things like, “If only you had trusted God enough to have waited for the right man to come along!”.

You may also want to share with her your own experiences of how tough it was to have waited, but how rewarding such a wait usually is!

If you wish to email or PM me we can talk about this without having anyone scream at us about yelling for vengence.


#8

I do know from personal experience that the best thing you can do for her is to listen. Right now she’s hurting (over the abortion and the relationship) and more than likely she is in denial about what she has done, but believe me, one day it will hit her like a brick wall. It’s just so easy today. You walk in pregnant and walk out not pregnant! Poof! You think you’ve solved your problem You never see the child, feel the child, nor does anyone (from the abortion clinic) call it a child. It’s just a problem that you have solved easily (or so it seems).
I would give her some time and when you feel the time is right ask her how she feels about what she has done, but in no way be judgmental or set out to make her feel bad about what she has done. That will only make her angry at you and then you can’t help her. It may take years for her to realize what the abortion has done to her. What could possibly feel worse than knowing you killed you own child? I don’t know of anything that compares.

What do you say to her when she does come to terms with what she’s done and feel like she can’t live with herself? Tell her the Blessed Mother is holding her baby tight.

You sound like a good friend. Good luck and I’ll be sure to say a prayer for you and for her. God knows she has a difficult road ahead of her.


closed #9

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