I can’t believe I’m even considering leaving but I am. I am a cradle Catholic. I left the Church for a few years as a young adult but then I found out about apologetics and I came full force back to the Church. Now some years later I’m married with four children (all planned through the use of NFP). I was studying to join a Third Order and I had regular meetings with a spiritual advisor who is a Catholic priest. But about two years ago I began to feel distant from the Church. I have been lukewarm since then and have prayed so much for God to restore my faith. I found myself admiring the practices of Muslims and found them to be quite devoted to their faith. But I know the truth lies in Jesus Christ but something wasn’t settling with me with regards to the Catholic Church. I was praying the Divine Office but couldn’t keep up with the four kids. I try to pray the rosary but it is not for me in terms of devotion. I find I come away with more with the Chaplet of Divine Mercy but I don’t always remember to pray it. I have prayed novenas. I have gone to spiritual retreats. And still I am experiencing some kind of dark night of the soul. I read the writings of the saints, I read the writings of JP2. I have been vocal about the Catholic Church being the Church that Jesus founded. But I admit I do not have a close relationship/devotion to the Blessed Mother and I struggle with the doctrine of her assumption. I long for Jesus and I know she can lead me to him and I have prayed for her intersession but I still want to speak with Jesus direct. I also feel very disconnected to my parish where multiple liturgical abuses happen. This disregard for the Eucharist unintenional as it might be really bothers me. Also, my parish lacks a vibrant fellowship. I have been involved in that parish for years but I know that I can simply disapear and maybe just maybe in a few years one person might call to see where me and my family are. I know going to mass is about the Eucharist and the other sacraments but doesn’t living within fellowship of other believers matter too? As for the Eucharist, I don’t always partake because I feel unworthy due to my issues. And when I do take communion, I do not feel any closer to Jesus than if I hadn’t. Yes I know faith is not just about “feelings”. I do try to pray/meditate before the Blessed Sacarament for help but again I tend to come away just as empty.
And now the unthinkable has occurred. I actually started to look into the LDS church. Mormons of all things! My interest was piqued when I heard that they believe in some kind of apostasy that occurred in the early church. I started to think, I could never go to a Protestant denomonation because of the way they came into being but the LDS church is Christian yet not Protestant. It’s out there on its own. I have read the arguements about the lack of evidence for their claims but then in the back of my mind comes in the Protestant arugement for the lack of evidence for the Assumption of Mary. Why is a lack of evidence on our part not an issue but yet on others it is (I know it depends on the evidence we’re speaking of)? I give myself a headache thinking of all this. I obviously need help! I have come to this forum to seek the opinions of both Catholics and non-Catholics as I continue to pray for clarity. Thank You.