Sorry to say that most of my other posts here have regarded my husband’s questionable friendships with other women. These friendships have ‘necessitated’ innumerable lies on his part. A big one, over the years, was all the excuses for being home late from work. It turns out that several years’ worth of being late included weekly coffee dates with one of these women.
In addition, there have been some in-law issues. Having grown up with a mother who (justifiably) couldn’t stand her mil, but never shut up about it, I have tried and done a fairly reasonable job, I think, of keeping my opinions to myself around the kids. Nonetheless, I have had a few snotty comments from my oldest son about ‘hating’ dh’s entire family-- which is not even true.
Today was an extremely stressful day on several counts. We had snow, and it turned dh’s 20 minute commute into 1-1/2 hours. I don’t know if it was everything else, but it brought up in me every feeling I used to have when he’d wander in four, five, even six hours late (yes, I said six), when I’d literally be cleaning the house in preparation for the police to come and tell me how he died on the highway; along, of course, with the newfound knowledge there were coffee dates, and wondering just how much else that I still don’t know about.
I was a wreck by the time he got home. I went upstairs and said nothing about it. When dh came up a bit later, I did say something about us having a hard time shopping tomorrow if it takes an hour and a half for him to get home from his appointment.
So dh told our son that I ‘don’t believe him’ that it took that long to get home. Our son, 17, came to me on his own to tell me it took his bus 3 hours to get him home, and asked if there was any particular reason why I wouldn’t believe dh.
All these years, I have held my tongue about the things his family have done, I have spoken well of their father to them, I have taught them they must respect him. The oldest have heard a couple of fights about these other women, but I have never complained to the kids or told them what’s going on. I know that’s wrong.
I told ds that yes, there is a particular reason I’d question it, but that’s not really information for him, and I’m sorry if that makes him angry or makes him hate me. He said it doesn’t make him angry.
I have been angry plenty of times through all of this, but this has just broken my heart, as I feel that once again I’m going to have my son looking down on me when he has no clue about the rest of the story, and I know it would be wrong to tell him.
I’m not going to tell him, but I could just use a little encouragement.