Help! My 14 yr old is writting soft porn!


#1

Help! My 14 yr old daughter has just started writting mildly pornographic stories. These are NOT love stories, just short sex (no intercourse, yet) scenes. I am completely blown away as we have monitored movies, books, TV and internet. I think it's her high school with bad influence. They have Gay Pride Day and there are kids who are extremely sexual in their behavior. Our Priest suggested exercise and prayer. We have nighly family prayer and she rides her bike to and from school. We pray the family Rosary on the weekends. I really need any help possible.
Thank you,
:blessyou:


#2

Try giving her books and media that promote purity, like St. Alphonsus's 'The True Spouse of Jesus Christ', 'The Catholic Girl's Guide', etc.

She has to love purity, and hate its opposite and all that fosters it in our culture. That includes a lot of earthly and earthy romance stories, etc.


#3

Your daughter wrote sex scenes and showed them to you? That is stranger to me than writing them in the first place


#4

Perhaps she has questions that she wants to ask, and is using this as a conversation-starter?

I would sit down with her and ask her why she wrote those scenes, and what she thinks about sex. She probably has a lot of misunderstandings. Have an open and honest conversation with her about these things, and let her know clearly what your values are, and why you hold to them.

Let her know that you don’t approve of “Gay Pride Day” and why - and that you don’t approve of the unchaste conversations that you overhear at her school.


#5

I don't suppose you have a better schooling option than the high school you're sending her to?


#6

Just a teacher’s take on this…

Make her write an essay on the church’s stance on human sexuality and porn. :slight_smile: She’ll learn what is right and wrong and why…in the eyes of the Church.


#7

Your priest has some good ideas. The exercise will help her get out all of those hormones. At least…I think so. It worked for me when I wanted to work out all of those hormonal impulses. Then again, I’m a guy.

She needs to be able to understand what is so bad about her actions. That just takes a while. A prayer and some god reading ought to do (though I don’t know what to recommend).

Best of luck.


#8

She did NOT show them to me! I appreciate the helpful ideas. Mostly the High Schools are about like hers. One has a Lesbians only corridor! I am not able to home school. I really appreciate what you wrote, SHIN, we've got to help her love Purity and Chastity. I have tried to instill these values (along w/ my husband) but I haven't looked into liturature, she's a real reader (as well as writer). I will pursue that avenue.:)
Thank you and keep the suggestions coming!
:blessyou:


#9

On a practical note, would it be possible to get her involved in a Christian writer’s group? Fellowship of Christian Writers is one online that has Catholics and Protestants alike - she could join a critique group to get feedback on her writings WITHOUT sex - as a writer myself, I understand the pressure that writers sometimes face to put sex in their writings in order to sell. Maybe if she could get positive, constructive feedback on writings without it, she’d understand that you don’t have to sell sex to sell the written word? Just a thought. . .


#10

Have her join the Catholic Writers Guild

catholicwritersguild.org/


#11

That is what I am thinking. I think she’s curious about sex and love and trying to distinguish between the two. I think it’s interesting that she’s writing this stuff instead of acting on it or talking about it with her friends. A creative mind dealing the things all teens deal with in one way or another. I would say that her showing them to you means she does want your input.


#12

O.K. - you’ve said that she didn’t show them to you - so how did you happen upon them? Were you going into some of her private writtings like a journal? Does she even know you know and how sexual can this really be if there’s no intercourse? Having gone through something similar in high school, I can say it’s better that she writes about these things than goes out and does them. This may be a way for her sexuality to emerge and her hormones to emerge - do you remember being 14 and how much havoc they played and how much sex (well - falling in love more for women) - goes into your head? If you confront her, she may just find better hiding places and you’ll send the message to her that she should be ashamed of her sexuality. From someone who has had Catholic Guilt about sexuality throughout my life - (coming from a situation where it was taboo and I felt ashamed of any sexual feelings I had)- you don’t want to make her feel that way! So how far does she go in these stories and how did you come upon them? If you bring this up to her is her first question going to be “where did you find this” or “didn’t you know that was private?” If she left them in her jeans pocket, that’s a different situation.
God Bless
Rye


#13

Aren't kids grand.

You can never relax. They'll come up with something new to make you feel like a complete failure as a parent.

Try giving her Mary Beth Bonacci's books. Or Jason Evert. Before she writes about it, she might want to read about it from people who know what the reality is, not the fantasy.

Good luck. The world isn't on our side as parents.


#14

[quote="ryecroft, post:12, topic:181189"]
O.K. - you've said that she didn't show them to you - so how did you happen upon them? Were you going into some of her private writtings like a journal? Does she even know you know and how sexual can this really be if there's no intercourse? Having gone through something similar in high school, I can say it's better that she writes about these things than goes out and does them. This may be a way for her sexuality to emerge and her hormones to emerge - do you remember being 14 and how much havoc they played and how much sex (well - falling in love more for women) - goes into your head? If you confront her, she may just find better hiding places and you'll send the message to her that she should be ashamed of her sexuality. From someone who has had Catholic Guilt about sexuality throughout my life - (coming from a situation where it was taboo and I felt ashamed of any sexual feelings I had)- you don't want to make her feel that way! So how far does she go in these stories and how did you come upon them? If you bring this up to her is her first question going to be "where did you find this" or "didn't you know that was private?" If she left them in her jeans pocket, that's a different situation.
God Bless
Rye

[/quote]

Here're my thoughts.. FWIW..

Often enough you should in fact, be ashamed of the sexual feelings you have, that is, outside of marriage. Concupiscence is unnatural, but a part of us now, and it is natural to feel shame about that which is unnatural or base. O.o

Since shame is a natural part of us, due to our modesty, it is not something that is easily trained out of us. It has to be suppressed, blocked, etc. Suppressing it can lead to unhealthy behavior, often called 'shameless' behavior, which is very common in these times.

So a healthy, not exaggerated level of shame is a good thing and useful for preserving purity. :)

Writing about sex in the way she is doing is sinful because it is as a norm indulgence in lust, immodest and shameless, which is a mortal sin. She is, almost certainly, feeling sexual feelings while she does it and taking pleasure from them willingly, which is forbidden outside of marriage, and so a sin.

At the least it is a near occasion of sin, if she is not yet at the stage to be easily provoked, which I highly doubt. So.. she has to acquire a love of purity and pray for it and prayers need to be said for her for it. She has to learn control of the thoughts, and avoidance of impurity.

Generally one prepares well ahead of time a child to be able to not be touched by these temptations come the teenage years. It is a parental duty to defend a child and prepare a child in this regard.

To help keep a pure soul pure in this life much prayer and sacrifice and work is needed.

St. Maria Goretti, ora pro nobis.


#15

I am sure you have discussed with her that these types of stories are unacceptable. You’re the parent, let her know you are. Ever think of switching high schools?


#16

This is hard for a number of reasons.

  1. If she doesn’t know that you looked at that stuff, then she’ll probably get offended that you snooped through her things and instead of listening to you, she will continue to write the stuff and hide it better.

  2. If you give her books, she might be iffy about it and be like, “Mom’s trying to preach to me” and then just make fun of it. Worst-case scenario. Best-case scenario would be that she’ll read the books and understand them a bit better. So I suppose you can give her the books if you think that she’s the type of person who would be curious enough to read them. I’d probably suggest sitting down with her and talk about what the Catholic Church teaches about that stuff as well. Ask her questions and whatnot, but don’t interrogate her obviously.

  3. I like the Catholic/Christian writing club idea. Worst-case scenario is that she’ll make fun of the idea.

All in all, it really depends on who your daughter is. She could be curious about other things and open to whatever people give to her, but she might also be a bit of a snob about what Christians think because it’s already been solidified in her mind that Christians are stupid prudes or whatever.


#17

Greetings!
My daughter and I have been really talking about being a person you can be proud of. She tried to lie about the number of hours of community service worked, her friend lied for her, after talking with her it became apparent that there was deception going on. She told the truth, to us and to her teacher. Her teacher was great, talked about how character counts, etc. We’ve been reading a lovely book by St Louis de Montfort on the Rosary together, and dicussing it. She really seemed to be enjoying it, but that could be just another lie.
So, imagine my surprise, when I walked past her desk (to get to to blinds, NO searching involved) and right in the middle of the desk surface is another detailed porn story:eek:
I talked w/ my wonderful hubby and we thought a family meeting with our Priest might be helpful. He was a school Psycologist for 20 yrs. so his background could really help us outl.
What do you think? Is this a cry for help with her addiction? Is she just the world’s stupidest 152 I.Q.? I don’t know what to think, or do. I pray to Our Lady and St Maria Garretti(sp), I try to hate the filthy sin, but not my precious daughter. I’ve never been around a problem like this.
Thanking you in advance for any and all help or advise.
:blessyou:


#18

What does she do with her free time?

Teenagers who are bored can get into trouble. Teenagers who are busy or motivated have less opportunity. Is she involved in any team sports? Individual sports? Arts or music? What is her goal for the future?
Now is the time to start embracing activities that will keep her BUSY so that she doesn't find time to get into trouble.


#19

Hello,
Thank you for your suggestions. She is involved in French Club and in ROTC, she is an assistant plattoon leader. She takes Advanced Placement classes and they have quite a bit of home work... I think she stays up late writing this junk or she writes early in the morning. She is alone in the morning because I have a medical condition that requires so much medication I physically can't get up before 7:30 ( and that's if I go to bed at 7:30), and my husband works from 6 to 6.
So this is probably how she entertains herself before school. The thought just makes me sick. Sorry to go on so! Thank you, again.
:blessyou:


#20

[quote="Shin, post:14, topic:181189"]
Here're my thoughts.. FWIW..

Often enough you should in fact, be ashamed of the sexual feelings you have, that is, outside of marriage. Concupiscence is unnatural, but a part of us now, and it is natural to feel shame about that which is unnatural or base. O.o

I'm sorry, I don't see how a young girl exploring her new sexual feelings is not natural or base. She is doing what I did and what my God Daughter is doing. Exploring her sexuality without doing it with another person. You should be glad she's just doing it on paper.

I really hope she doesn't wind up with what many call "catholic guilt" - that really messed with my husband and my's marriage when we became intimate. I don't want another woman or man to go through this if it can be helped! Exploring as a young woman, sexuality helps us to feel about our sexuality naturally - I can't imagine that God only wanted us to feel any sexual feelings when we got married- if that's the case then he shouldn't have allowed our feelings to come to us so early. God doesn't want us ashamed of what some on here call "His most precious gift"
So a healthy, not exaggerated level of shame is a good thing and useful for preserving purity. :)

Writing about sex in the way she is doing is sinful because it is as a norm indulgence in lust, immodest and shameless, which is a mortal sin. She is, almost certainly, feeling sexual feelings while she does it and taking pleasure from them willingly, which is forbidden outside of marriage, and so a sin.

At the least it is a near occasion of sin, if she is not yet at the stage to be easily provoked, which I highly doubt. So.. she has to acquire a love of purity and pray for it and prayers need to be said for her for it. She has to learn control of the thoughts, and avoidance of impurity.

Generally one prepares well ahead of time a child to be able to not be touched by these temptations come the teenage years. It is a parental duty to defend a child and prepare a child in this regard.

To help keep a pure soul pure in this life much prayer and sacrifice and work is needed.

St. Maria Goretti, ora pro nobis.

[/quote]

I'm sorry - regardless of if what you say is true about shame, this girl is writting about sexual situations without intercourse - I went through a similar situation with my God Child and her mom and she actually was able to come with me to read these over. With no thought of shame and I'm glad she didn't feel shame about them! There is no way if she felt shame regarding them that she would have wanted me to read them let alone talked to me about them.

I don't think that at her age she is sitting there thinking that she is about to indulge her sexual urges by writting about them. Honestly, I'd be happy she was writting about them instead of going out and doing them. If she has a God Mother or aunt that she's close to like I am with my God Daughter, I would have her talk to her instead of taking this with your husband to a priest for a "family" discussion. Do you know how that will make her feel? Probably ashamed of what she is naturally feeling and curious about. I hate this view in Catholicism that we're suppposed to be ashamed of what comes natural to us as humans. Also if you take her to the Family meeting I can almost garuntee you are going to be forcing her to shut down and just say whatever she thinks you want to hear and if she's smart which it sounds like she is, she'll just hide better what she's doing. It sounds like she's a creative person who is using writting as an outlet. Again, IMHO you should be happy this is on paper and not what she's actually doing, although I do wonder how far a girl can go talking about making out without sex on a paper. Does this include oral sex or BJ's? I'm sorry if that sounds crude but unless those are being included, I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Yes, put some of the suggested reading out for her - if she's a 152 IQ (which I'm a 158 so she's fairly smart) she may be curuious just to read about this. But don't force her into these feelings of shame and being ashamed. Let her read the books and go on that way - don't stifle her creativity. I'm not trying to be mean but this is how we handled my 14 year old God Daughter and the results were great. Now she knows she can come to either her mom or myself (more often) without fear of reprisal. I would be much more worried if you found a note in her pocket talking about hooking up after school and scoring a "3" with her BF. We gave my God Daughter (my husband and I) a journal to write in that was hers - with a lock. She can share with us when she wants - otherwise it's private. This way you won't find it laying about in her room and you won't sully the trust between the two of you. That is something you may never be able to get back - no offense but although it's the truth she may not believe you just happened upon what she was writting. Once she feels ashamed of naturally occuring feelings, you can't take that back - she's stuck with it for life and don't we have enough of that soon enough? Give her a break, I think (no offense) that perhaps you've taken this a bit too seriously. A lot of girls who are creative go through this.
God Bless
Rye

p.s. why is she doing community service? Did she get in trouble for something or is this something to do with getting confirmed or with ROTC. Also without getting too religious on her, you could talk about honor as far as ROTC and the military goes. When I was in AFROTC, that was a biggie with my father and I since he was a Colonel. That might keep you from tipping her off as well. Also, you assume that she finds the way she's acting wrong - perhaps she doens't see anything wrong with her discovering and writting about how she feels.


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