Help, my niece is getting married outside of the catholic church!

Hello,

My niece is getting married outside the church. She was baptized catholic, but my sister never raised both of my nieces in the faith.
It also saddens me that the individual that is going to officiate at this ceremony will be a woman.
I plan on going to the reception and not the ceremony, but I’m only doing this in order to tell my niece that she should consider finding a local church and talk to the priest about returning to the faith. I want to plant some seeds and pray that what I say to her will be a start in the right direction. I don’t want to dump to much information on her and confuse her either.

Thanks

BlessedTrinity

If she wasn’t raised in the faith, it’s unlikely that she would want to listen to you and have a Catholic wedding tbh

Miracles do happen though. But depending on how close you are with her, this could either annoy her or help her

I wouldn’t focus too much on the marrying aspect, start off by idk, asking her to follow you to mass, or answering questions about the faith, stuff like that. Once she cares about the faith enough, you would have better luck. You can try letting her watch videos of talks done by Matt Fradd (for example) because of his content and he delivers it in an amusing way, I don’t know her personally but I only started to care after doing stuff like that

Hi,

I don’t think that the Church approves of going to the reception after weddings. Also, by evangelizing at the reception, I don’t think she’ll want to hear this, since would have just gotten married outside the Church and would have to do so many new things now that she is living with another person. So I would speak to her before the wedding ceremony. However, since I am not very good at giving advice, I would speak to a Catholic priest about her soon, like well before the wedding. I admire you wishing to lead her back to the faith and i’m sorry to hear this.

Have a nice day!

No, no, and no.

Telling somebody at their wedding that you think they should go back to the religion of your choice is way not cool. It’s actually kind of a jerk move.

And actually, given that your niece wasn’t raised in the faith, and is an adult, it’s not your place to say anything at all to her about her religious choices.

Plus, I have to question your ‘concern’ if you knew she wasn’t being raised in your faith all these years, but now you think you have to say something.

Rather than trying to rebuke the bride on her wedding day, why don’t you talk to her before the wedding? If your nieces have been raised without any religious instruction, have you ever brought this up before now?

You are going to her wedding reception (after skipping the ceremony, i assume because it would offend you) only to tell your niece who was not raised Catholic that she needs to become Catholic like you?

Here’s some advice; Stay home, far far away from her wedding day, and mind your own business.

Do not harass that girl.

I agree. The wedding is not about you, even if the drama of skipping the ceremony and going to the reception feels like you’re doing something really holy and satisfying. Just stay away. The time to plant seeds was many years ago.

Hello,

Thanks for some of the advice. As for Nigel7, you my friend need a lesson on giving better advice. You my friend do not know my family situation concerning my nieces and for you to give your “snotty, egotistical, prideful” response was rotten of you.
Its people like you that turn people like me away. I would have never responded to someone that was in need of help the way you did.

Like I stated, thanks to some of you that gave me some sound advice. I really appreciate it.
Others like Nigel7 need to work on there manners.

Hi there.
If she was not raised in the faith, maybe she’s not the one who needs a talking to…
j/k
But seriously, pray for the entire family.
Let the Holy Spirit do His work. Prayer does work, maybe not on our timeline, but it always is beneficial.

And just an small caveat:
If you want to post threads, just accept or ignore what others say. Either way. :shrug:
The Forums is not a place where everyone is going to agree with you all the time. Trust me. If you take umbrage to what a person has said, simply respond in a cordial manner, (or not at all) and move on. Scolding other posters rarely wins you points in the eyes of the reader.

Having said that, I know this is a source of angst and distress in your heart.
Just pray for the young lady, and everyone here, and you will make some friends, share much, and learn much in the process.

Peace.

:eek:

From your original post: " I plan on going to the reception and not the ceremony, but I’m only doing this in order to tell my niece that she should consider finding a local church and talk to the priest about returning to the faith. "

Please explain to me how that does not display a serious lack of manners on your end. Instead of harassing the bride on her special day, stay home and consider visiting your niece and her new husband in the coming months…possibly with a kind** invitation to visit your parish.

It’s not going to do well to tell her on her wedding day. I would not go to the reception, but you can always try to talk to her now before this wedding. Prayer really will be one of your best options, along with asking your pastor. If interceding for others didn’t work, there would be a LOT less people named “Augustine”:smiley:

It’s not going to do well to tell her on her wedding day. I would not go to the reception, but you can always try to talk to her now before this wedding. Prayer really will be one of your best options, along with asking your pastor. If interceding for others didn’t work, there would be a LOT less people named “Augustine”:smiley:

Good question. And if not, why not, and why only now?

I’m another poster who thinks you shouldn’t talk to your niece at her wedding. I understand how hard it is to see people going against something you believe in so strongly, but her wedding is not the time or place. Talk to her a different time, and if she doesn’t want to talk to you about it, respect that. If she doesn’t want to return back to Catholicism, as hard as it is, you have to accept her decision.

Lou

PianistClare,

I want to thank you for your advice.You are very understanding and all I was only looking for some direction. If I were to mention any thing to my niece I would be more than compassionate and “not in her face” about it.
My nieces love and respect me, as I do them, and I would never do anything to ruin their day. They have had a horrible family life due to the poor decisions of both of their parents. I also pray for my nieces and their family too. I know that the Blessed Trinity and our Blessed Mother will hear my prayers for them and I pray that in the end, all will be well for them.

Thank you once again for you kindness PianistClare. I will keep you in my prayers.
I’m going to unsubscribe to this Thread and because the way I was treated on this website,
I’m not going to ask for any advice from catholic answers, ever.

In Christ
BlessedTrinity

:rolleyes: you were told what you wanted to do was inappropriate and then you started name-calling because of it. Don’t blame your bad manners on those who responded to your thread!

Do you think she will really care about what you have to say seeing as you just ‘snubbed’ her by not going to the ceremony? Probably best to keep to yourself.

I know OP said she’d unsubscribe, but I want to reply for anyone else in the same situation that finds this now or later. I left the Church in college and got married before I returned. We were married outside the Church. If someone had skipped my wedding and then come to my reception to harass me about it, I would have been furious. Planning a wedding was incredibly stressful, dealing with my family and in-laws is very stressful, and I just wanted to relax and enjoy the day, now that it had finally come. My FIL kept bothering us to get convalidated (we eventually did of our own volition) and it was incredibly irritating. It made me more resistant to the idea of returning to the Church. Either go to the wedding, both parts, and be a polite guest, or do not go at all.

It’s a happy and momentous day for the bride and groom, and it should just be all about them. At least they are getting married - many people don’t bother these days!

It’s a shame your niece isn’t practising the faith of her birth, but that applies to many good and decent people in this world.

My niece is getting married outside the church. She was baptized catholic, but my sister never raised both of my nieces in the faith.
It also saddens me that the individual that is going to officiate at this ceremony will be a woman.
I plan on going to the reception and not the ceremony, but I’m only doing this in order to tell my niece that she should consider finding a local church and talk to the priest about returning to the faith. I want to plant some seeds and pray that what I say to her will be a start in the right direction. I don’t want to dump to much information on her and confuse her either.

Thanks

BlessedTrinity

I am in the exact situation as you. My niece was baptized but my sister also did not raise her in the faith. My niece is getting married next year on a beach outside the United States.

I sought advice from two different priests on the internet then spoke with my parish priest face to face about the situation. All three priests gave me the same advice.

  1. If by telling your niece (and her family) that having her wedding outside the Church will cause all “bridges to be burned” in your relationship where there will be no more communication between you, you should attend the wedding. By attending the wedding, you are not condoning their actions but you are showing your love for them. You are keeping the lines of communication open so you can still talk to them about returning to the Church and their faith. The ultimate goal is to get them to return to God, to see that they need the Church, her sacraments, and God’s mercy…their salvation.

In the meantime, all you can do is pray for them as much as you can. Prayers to God, Mary and St. Monica.

In my humble opinion, the reception is not a time and place to do this. I would wait until after the ceremony to discuss this with them. I am sure you will be kind, patient and understanding.

As I have said, I am in the exact same situation. All I can do is pray, invite them to Mass and glorify God by my life. Don’t give up hope and I pray everything works out.

God Bless

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