HELP my parents want me to go to college!


#1

ok I know I am anti-college but my mom is convinced that is the only way I will ever meet anyone! So I need advice! I only want to get married but there are not young catholics where I live. What are some good catholic colleges? Where I can get my MRS degree?

Thanks and God bless


#2

Don’t go to college to get your MRS degree, geez louise. If you go with that line of thinking, if I were your parents, I would make sure you “paid” for it yourself.

A real man admires a succesful woman. You need to find out who YOU are first. Marriage isn’t something to “have”, it is a sacred covenant…and yes, not be entered into on a whim.

A woman’s independence begins with her own money. Earn some for yourself, and get your own place. Go to school for an “education” for YOU, not to “get” a man. College guys are quite saavy now, and if you have the “I want a ring” look in your eye…they will go running. And don’t kid yourself, Catholic college doesn’t mean that the guys are looking for a wife.


#3

Dear Friend,
I don’t need college it’s not for everyone and if you go read my other thread you’ll understand. I just want to get married. I am not saying right now. I would just like to have good catholic friends right now but there are none where I live! You can be successful in other ways beside college!

God Bless,


#4

And how do you know that God intends for you to marry so soon?
Maybe this is His way of speaking through your parents?


#5

The fact remains that the girl is utterly uninterested in college. Her parents, also, seem to think that the primary reason for getting her to go to school is just to get her out in the world meeting people. As such, going to “get an education” is kind of off the map and spending money on an expensive private or Catholic school might be foolhardy (especially if it only gets her into debt). Rather, I’d propose that you consider finding a job post high school, maybe live at home till you can build up enough to move to another place where there are better socializing opportunities, and see how that goes for awhile. If you truly HAVE to go to college, find some community college or state run school which doesn’t cost a whole lot. As such, you’ll have the social environment, be able to try out the life and classes, and not waste a whole bunch of moolah on something that you could end up just giving up on, anyway.


#6

Thanks for the advice but I decided If I do go I will go later!
So no worries! Thanks for all the help!

Kas


#7

I agree with Chicago. I would also find work study situations, that teach practical skills, at the community college. See if your parents will agree to let you take a practical class, something that works with your gifts and personality, for every general education course (English, Math) you also take.

For example, let’s say you are geared toward sewing, or graphic arts, or even automobile repair (And you must admit, sewing for a married woman is a pretty practical idea). You will take Basic Sewing, or Intro to Graphic Arts, or Intro to The Combustible Engine; in exchange for Rhetoric 101, or College Algebra, or Foundations of Literature.

And who knows? You might like it.


#8

Is there a missionary/volunteer position that someone could get without a college degree? Would you consider doing that through a Catholic organization? That’s just another route instead of college and/or working for money.


#9

kasi, I think it would be a good idea for you to go to college for a semester and try it out. Go to a very good Catholic college and then you will have a greater chance of meeting your goal of meeting a good Catholic spouse. I would encourage my kids to go to Christendom, Fransican U., Ave Maria, Benedictan college. I’m not familiar with colleges in the Northwest.

And, you will get a chance to see what college is like. It is very different from high school. Also, it will get people off your back.

what’s a semester, anyway–three months? Give it a shot. in fact, just take classes that interest you. A wife and mother would need many skills a college offers.

Good luck!.


#10

I’m educated out the wazoo. My mother, aunts, and grandmothers were all teachers, some elementary, some high school, some college proffessors.

Not wanting to go to college is something every teenager wants to do. They want to go make it in the world. Well, you don’t always get to far without an education.

Wanting a MRS. degree is all fine and good. But what happens when you’re 35 married with three kids and something happens. You husband leaves you, dies, becomes incapable of working. How are you planning on supporting 5 people and raising 3 kids? Burger King doesn’t pay that much.

Open a day care center? Yea sounds great, but you need a licence in a lot of states, and people who can afford day care want to send their kids some place that’s heavily insured, and has people who have not only experience but education as well.

Be a maid? Well that sounds good but do you want to spend all week cleaning other people toilets and doing laundry and then come home and have to do your own?

Be a seamstress? A lot of places want someone who has some knowledge and training in that area. I can tell you right off the bat, that when I buy my clothes and need them tailored, I’ll spend more money to get them done right but my little old Italian lady, than some random I don’t know.

Get an education. It’s worth the time, money and effort.


#11

Why not get some education in early childhood education or something of that sort? Such skills will assist you in being a mother and will help you to get your parents off your back.

There is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a homemaker but lets face it, women of times past had skills handed down to them by their moms that we no longer value. Such as sewing and cooking.

A community college might offer you such classes and have the advantage of being small classes close to home.

My oldest son will probably start off at the local community college before transfering to a university. So, you can always tell your parents that you will give the communtiy college a try and later, if you feel like it, you can attend a larger university. You don’t have to continue your education beyond the smaller college but it will always be an option for you.


#12

I didn’t want to go to college either (I still think it was a waste of my dad’s money). YOu can gain great lessons at college, but I don’t think you should go out of force. Just promise yourself (and follow through) that should you desire to go to college one day that you’ll actually go. Most of my family members are successful and have never taken a single college course. However, if you have a good work ethic that will get you somewhere. I personally would have been happy working in the restaurant business as a manager for the rest of my life, but since I had the degree, felt obligated to pursue a job in my field. Unfortunately, every job I had in my field I HATED!!! Don’t close yourself off to the possiblity of going to college in the future, but if you feel you must explore your options first (working or volunteering) then pursue those. No one should ever be like me where they think that a college education was useless for themselves.


#13

I am just curious as to your definition of succesful. Do you mean by success merely that the woman should get a decent education-which I agree with- or that a real man won’t love a woman who isn’t holding down a job for pay?


#14

well that is stone age thinking at its finest
in my day, when MRS was still a degree option for women, the other alternative for those who could not afford college was to work at a bar or other establishment close to campus to meet men, go to frat parties and generally hang around where the guys were.

why not go to college, or to whatever post high school education you need to pursue your own dreams, prepare to serve society and your family with your own gifts and talents, and realize your potential. Kids are pretty smart these days, so if marriage and motherhood are in your future, college is a darn good preparation to be an intelligent, informed mother who is raising the next generation–most important job on the planet. It was true in the 1950s when Pearl Buck wrote her famous essay on why women should seek higher education, and it is true today.

are you “anti-college” because it is a good tactic in opposition to your parents, or because you have genuine convictions about some alternative life choice?

the obvious next step, if college or other education is not in your plans, is to get a job, and prepare to move out and become independent. I am sure there are a lot of people out there who met their future spouse at work. Hanging around the house waiting for Mr. Right to knock on the door is probably not a good option.


#15

If your parents are paying for your education, I’d definitely say Franciscan U! Of course, I’m partial, but it provides so many opportunities to meet many different young people who are so strongly into their faith!

While you are there, even if you have no desire to go to college, or even think you’ll need it, it’s a great opportunity to take advantage of growing in your faith. Study theology and philosophy…you won’t get knowledge like this anywhere else (well, except for other great Catholic colleges)! There’s so many other things to get involved with too such as pro-life work, works of mercy, sports, dance, politics, etc. There’s daily Mass (that’s packed!), praise and worship, confession, and perpetual Adoration!

My other thought would be that if all you want to do is get married and be a stay-at-home mom, it’s really great if you do have an education. That way your children will be encouraged to seek the same. Plus, if you plan to homeschool, it helps to have that background too. No, it’s not required or even necessary, but it’s nice to start out with some great knowledge.

Take advantage of this time! If your parents are pushing it, you might as well enjoy it to the fullest :). Those four years at FUS were some of the BEST years that I’ve had thus far. I met my husband there, although there’s no guaruntees, but even more, I made some friends that I know will last a lifetime and I grew in my faith SO much! Hope all works out :). God bless!


#16

I agree that you shouldn’t go to college JUST to get an “MRS” degree… or JUST to meet Mr. Right. College is for education.

Look at your options.
First off… you’re still very young (I hated hearing this when I was 17, so you’re welcome to hate me :wink: )
What are you going to do when you graduate from high school?
Do you really expect Mr. Right to just walk into your life and sweep you off your feet?
How do you really know that your vocation is to get married? I mean, I do understand the desire to have a family (I always felt that way growing up), but how do you expect that to happen? What if God is calling you to the single life? Or the religious life? Would you be willing to accept that?

I really don’t mean to sound harsh (so please don’t take it that way), but it is not prudent to just assume God will lead you to your happy vocation without a little struggle in your life.
What if you don’t find Mr. Right for another 10 years?!? (that’s more than half your life right now!) What are you going to do with your life?
You need to have some sort of plan on how to take care of yourself.

You will be in my prayers.


#17

Probably a wise idea. Go if and when you are ready and when that is what you want to do. Then you may get something worthwhile out of it as you’ll be able to put yourself into it. Otherwise, you could be wasting your time on a frustrating experience that you don’t really want to be involved with. Afterall, it isn’t like the colleges are going out of business and won’t be around in a few years if you later decide that then is the time to attend. And it isn’t like you’ll be wasting your life doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. Certainly, whatever alternate life experience you endeavor upon also has a real value of it’s own.


#18

Kasi,

I already posted to you on your last thread about finding a Catholic man that it is wrongheaded to think you do not need a college education. I’ll reiterate:

(1) It is selfish and shortsighted to believe that your husband will always take care of you. While a stay-at-home mom is ideal, you can never know the future. A husband can become injured, killed, or unemployed in the blink of an eye. Then it will fall to you to support yourself, your husband, and possibly children either short or long term. How unwise to fail to prepare for that day when your education may be needed in service to your family.

(2) You may not meet your husband immediately. I went to college, graduated, got a job, and have remained in industry for 20 years waiting to meet my husband. I have always felt called to marriage-- but obviously God’s timetable was slightly different than mine as I did not meet my husband until I was 38.

(3) You are called to be a steward of God’s gifts, and your education is part of that. God may be calling you into the working world for a short time, long time, or no time. However, an education can also be of use in volunteering in a charity, assisting in the stewardship of the parish, and in the stewardship of your household. If you do have children, an educated mother will be able to homeschool them, guide them, possibly have an at-home business when the kids are older, etc.

To say you are only going to college for your MRS is a mistake. Find something to be passionate about: business, education/teaching, home economics, liberal arts, theology.

Men are not interested in a girl who graduates high school and then sits around waiting for Mr Right working as a check-out girl at Wal-Mart (and that’s about all you can do with a high school diploma) and having no outside interests or experiences. That shows a singular lack of committment to your future financial and familial well-being. He is not a sugar daddy, he is a partner in a marriage who should be able to rely on his wife in times of trouble.

You will be surprised how much you mature, grow, and learn by going to college. Check out private Catholic schools such as Steubenville, Aquinas, Christendom, etc, if you want a small school and a Catholic education. But, the local junior college and state school will also give you a good education that can be put to use.


#19

I have to take issue with this. Much of what a “college education” is good for is mere networking and getting your foot in the door for a first job. Further, a great number of people these days do not work in the field for which they received a degree. Many who’ve had setbacks later in life and need to return to the workforce or change careers have found that the college degree they obtained 15-30 years ago is essentially worthless. So a woman who gets a degree, doesn’t use it for much of anything workwise, and “suddenly, tragically” has to “get a job” some years down the road may not find that what she once had is worth all that much in the endgame. What, ironically, might be worth more by that time is her well earned life experience and personal connections.

To say you are only going to college for your MRS is a mistake. Find something to be passionate about: business, education/teaching, home economics, liberal arts, theology.

What if she’s not passionate about anything which could be studied at school?

Men are not interested in a girl who graduates high school and then sits around waiting for Mr Right working as a check-out girl at Wal-Mart (and that’s about all you can do with a high school diploma) and having no outside interests or experiences.

There are plenty of jobs available to high school grads, some of them better some of them not so hot. As with anything in life, what means something is dedicated hard work in whatever line of employ which may help one to advance themselves and their career. Real life experience ultimately speaks louder than collegiate degrees.

Further, what’s to say that a man would not be interested in a Wal-Mart cashier or that such cashier would have no outside interests in life other than that? Sheesh, I know some pretty boring professionals who don’t take much interest in anything more than their careers. The cute gal working at Wal-Mart is probably of greater interest than these.


#20

If your mom wants you to go to college and wants to at least help with the tuituion, etc. consider yourself lucky! My parents didn’t want me to go to college, thats right, they wanted me to go to work instead! They were very old world immigrants. Because we were poor and my job prospects poor I married shortly after high school(the first guy I dated) with the result of a bad marriage, divorce and subsequent annulment.

Even if you land a rich guy and thats very unlikely in or out of college, you don’t know what life will hold for you, a degree can come in handy to help you get a job you may need in the future. Please don’t end up like me, I’ve been struggling financially for years. I never went to college, I took a few courses but without a degree I don’t have a profession. If you’re thinking you can find a husband that’s doctor or lawyer,etc, think again. The majority of professional men are married to other professionals. And don’t put off things for the future, the future has no guarantees, the time is now.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.