Help - Natural family Planning


Hi everyone,

I’m Thaddeus Fernandes from Dubai.
I need some help.
I just got married since Dec 2007 and I’m having intercourse using condoms. I came to know this is a sin as per christianity. I have not been reading the scriptures & so don’t know my religion well. I ask forgiveness from god for that.

I am in deep trouble now & need your advice.

  1. I have been having intercourse with my wife using a condom to avoid birth of baby as we will lay the seed in jan 2010

  2. I have stopped using condoms since the past one week and just using oral stimulation to bring my wife to orgasm and not ejaculating at all and also entering my wife through my private organ. She is enjoying these moments the most even better than those with the condom.

  3. Is this way of pleasing my wife without using a condom + without ejaculating considered holy. I am trying to control my sexual urge as i dont want to ejaculate at all till we plan for the baby.

Request you all to help me out as i dont want to make god angry by being a sexual animal but i want my wife to be satisfied as it’s difficult for her to control her sexual urge. I satisfy her by bringing her to orgasm through oral sex and stimulation with my hands.

Please help through your comments.


Hi and welcome to the forums.
I’m sorry you are struggling with this. Is there anyone in your local Diocese that may be able to direct you to a Natural Family Planning teacher or course? I highly recommend taking a course and speaking to a local teacher. If that is not possible, there is a website that may help you learn the NFP information… There is a free guidebook and charts you can download on that site.

As for your questions… the marital embrace of sex must be both unitive and procreative. This means that every time you embrace it must be done in a manner that is open to life. Using Natural Family Planning allows you to track your wife’s fertility cycle, so that you can choose to abstain during her fertile time. You must complete inside of her for it to be within the moral guidelines. Pleasuring her outside of the FULL embrace does not allow both the unitive and procreative aspects to be present - so it is not within morality.

I encourage you to see your priest and contact your local diocese about Natural Family Planning courses in your area. :slight_smile: Also, that website above will help as well.
God bless you and your wife… you will be in my prayers! :slight_smile:


Welcome! :wave:

Hopefully, these links will help you:

Is withdrawal a mortal sin?

Is non-vaginal “intercourse” sinful?

It is wonderful that you have stopped using condoms. :slight_smile: The way I understand it, as long as the marital act is completed (ejaculation inside your wife’s vagina, without physical barriers or hormonal contraception), the details of how you touch each other are yours to decide together.


As far as I know there is no was of giving and receiving sexual pleasure without it ending in ejaculation in your wife’s vagina that is not harmful.

Look into NFP. You can have sex during certain times of the month without conceiving. It will take some time to learn, and good practice, but it’s totally worth it. I should think that trying to do what you are doing now is going to prove frustrating for you both and harmful to the marital act. I will be praying for you! And horay for stopping the use of condoms! Fantastic! :slight_smile:


NFP is a form of CONTRACEPTION when used if the situation is not grave.

NFP is only moral and not a sin when there are grave circumstances (poverty, serious illness)

The level of “grave” is to be examined by the couple, and taken to a very solid and Orthodox priest if there is any doubt.

God bless


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