Hello all, it is very embarrassing for me to be posting this right now, but I need help. I feel that I am letting myself and God down through masturbation… Ever since I got my lisense ive been driving myself and my Grandparents to church every Sunday (May 8th is they day I started driving and never intentionally missed Church since). I also started my Private Pilot training and have it almost completed at this time. Ever since I started to fly I always wore a Cross every time I go out to fly, or go to school ext. Recently I have learned how serious of a Sin Masturbation is, and I am trying my hardest to stop. Every time it comes across my mind, I say no in my head, but everything else thinks other wise… Ive narrowed it down to about once a week, but it is still not good enough for me. I feel that every time the sin occurs, I have failed everyone looking up to me, and I failed myself. I also suffer from IBS and my mind makes me believe certain things which will eventually tumble into severe stomach pains for 12+ hours, and diarrhea, and throw up. Luckily ive been about 4 months free from this, trying to train my head, and praying that I wont be thinking negative thoughts. I have also learned now that I cannot receive communion with this type of sin, without confession. The problem is I am way to embarrassed to even confess this with a priest… I have not received confession since CCD, and forget everything about it, also when you sit down there is no window/curtain and I wouldn’t want the priest to see my face.
What I am trying to say is, I need help stopping this, for many reasons. I want to be closer to God and not sin against him. And I believe this will help me with my IBS and worries. If anyone can help or give suggestions on, another way, to say it during confession, it would be much appreciated.