A couple of months ago, I came across the idea that there are two types of contrition, attrition and full contrition?
Well, anyways, this has really effected my prayer life, to the point that I stopped praying the rosary and all my little devotions. For example when I would try and say the ‘Our Father’…forgive us our trespasses, my mind would immediately wonder, is it attrition asking or contrition? And that would lead to despair because most of the time, I never really could be sure whether I was repentant because I loved Jesus or for some other reason. And whenever I did ask for forgiveness because I loved Jesus, I was immediately repulsed by the idea that His forgiveness depended on me. Before all this, I considered myself a little child where Jesus and Mary were concerned, maybe even an infant and I just trusted them to take care of me and hold me ect. Now I’m afraid, I’m too small…if something becomes dependent on me…? What do I do? I don’t have that childlike relationship with them anymore. I feel like I have to grow up quick…and I can’t. Help please.