I have myself psychological problems and have a BA in psychology and used to talk to a lot of people with problems, often online… I am far from being an expert and in too a scared phase myself right now to be strong for others (but maybe that is possible anyway)…
I do remember this: I ahve learned, if somebody talks about suicide, always take it seriously. I am a bit afraid of saying the wrong thing, but there are some things I remember: PLEASE if you feel acutely suicidal, immediately talk to somebody. Talk to your husband in all honesty (does he know that you have been feeling suicidal?), call a suicide hotline, call your doctor/psychiatrist/therapist/priest, if nothing else is possible even call emergeny or go to a hospital. Anything to not be alone with those thoughts if you are in danger of possibly acting on them.
A long time ago when I was part of online mental ehalth support groups, there was a site somebody or some people recommended. I am not sure if it is a Christian site or not, but I will now write down the link anyway, it is metanoia.org/suicide/
And also this, something I remember I read that helped somebody, adapted a bit by me : Think of some time in the future. Take a month, or a half year. Imagine by that time, how maybe you will feel much better. but what if you killed yourself now? You won’t be there to feel how you have gotten better again. Killing yourself is definite. Holding on leaves possibilities open.
And a personal experience. I had times when I felt very very very down. Ridden by anxieties, compulsions, maybe depression. Feeling I might never feel free again. OHHH had I only known how one year later I would run down the hills in a new city in a new country just so full of joy, relief and happiness. I didn’t know. But it happened. I felt light and free again how I hadn’t maybe even been able to imagine.
GOD LOVES YOU. YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS.
AND JESUS IS RIGHT WITH YOU. He knows your pain, He knows all the suffering in the world. Feel Him walking right next to you as you walk this way of struggle or pain or sadness. Do not despair.
In my own struggles, I have been writing down some daily insights. The day before yesterday i also had to write again that I fall… anf then I stand up again. I have thought of Jesus with the cross falling and standing up again and walking on…
Please be safe.
Please take care of yourself.
Please be good to yourself.
Also do something good for yourself, as you would for a sick child.
God loves you.
So so so very much.