Help- stuck in my religion


#1

Hello , I have written to a man named (B-white)and had asked a few question an statements about my religion and life and he recommended me to write and explain my concerns about myself, to this Catholic Apologetics. He explain that I should still keep in touch with the church Or find a group concell. to talk to.
I have all ways kept my religion with me, raised my kids catholic all way believed in God and keep him in my heart.
I was nineteen and got pregnant, some family members told me to abort I don't believe in that so I married the guy I was not in love with him but I had to do the right thing.
I was in this marriage but didn't know what I was getting my self in to. he was very abusive to me from day one of the marriage.stuck it out for 24 years, I divorced the man, I know this is not right in the churches eye but I couldn't live that kind of life till I die.stayed alone for 12 years dealing with an illness he could not deal with my M.S. I have M.S.
It a very hard disease to deal with. But I met a wonderful man 2 years ago and love me for me and who I am,an what I have he deals with it with me.( we married)
Still praying to God For forgiveness for all.
I still want to keep my religion going..... but don't know what to do..... maybe you can help me?
when I wrote to (B-white) He made me feel like I did not belong in the church no more. please help.......... vivie


#2

[quote="vivian58, post:1, topic:332528"]
Hello , I have written to a man named (B-white)and had asked a few question an statements about my religion and life and he recommended me to write and explain my concerns about myself, to this Catholic Apologetics. He explain that I should still keep in touch with the church Or find a group concell. to talk to.
I have all ways kept my religion with me, raised my kids catholic all way believed in God and keep him in my heart.
I was nineteen and got pregnant, some family members told me to abort I don't believe in that so I married the guy I was not in love with him but I had to do the right thing.
I was in this marriage but didn't know what I was getting my self in to. he was very abusive to me from day one of the marriage.stuck it out for 24 years, I divorced the man, I know this is not right in the churches eye but I couldn't live that kind of life till I die.stayed alone for 12 years dealing with an illness he could not deal with my M.S. I have M.S.
It a very hard disease to deal with. But I met a wonderful man 2 years ago and love me for me and who I am,an what I have he deals with it with me.( we married)
Still praying to God For forgiveness for all.
I still want to keep my religion going..... but don't know what to do..... maybe you can help me?
when I wrote to (B-white) He made me feel like I did not belong in the church no more. please help.......... vivie

[/quote]

Vivie. Talk to your priest. He will know if it is possible for you to pursue a decree of nullity for your first marriage in order for you to then be validly married to your current husband.


#3

Dear Vivian, my heart goes out to you.

It’s not against the Church to separate from an abusive person.
The difficulty arises when we wish to remarry, but you are still part of the Church, and can seek graces and answers there.

The circumstances of your marriage, that you felt* forced* to marry him rather than submit to the pressure to abort your baby, could mean that the validity of your first marriage may be in question. You may possibly have grounds to seek annulment from your first marriage, not because he was abusive, but because it wasn’t a free choice. Anyway, that’s something you can explore. God grant that you will find a good and wise priest to explain everything clearly to and seek his advice

You are always Catholic, and can go to Mass, though not yet receive Communion.
If you find the courage to go to Confession you will find peace of soul. I know the next steps are likely to be hard, but I pray that God will guide and strengthen you.

I’m sad you endured so much abuse and that you have such a burdensome illness.
I’ll be praying for you Vivie.
Keep in touch in Private Messages if you wish.

Kind wishes and prayers,
Trishie


#4

Vivie, I read what Bruce replied. He commented that you didn't need re-baptism...and that is because, once Baptized, you are Baptized forever. You are still Catholic.

Because you feel tense, anxious, and sad, his brief answer didn't feel helpful, as he directed you to an Apologist link in Catholic Answers Forums thinking you might get a more helpful answer there.

You were probably confused when he redirected you, and you perhaps felt pushed aside. Bruce would be sad to think you felt pushed aside. (I won't tell him! :))

It can be very confusing for new members! And when a person comes to CAF with distress and uncertainty, they can feel very vulnerable. And I think that's how you felt? I remember feeling very vulnerable and irrelevant when I first joined. :)

We're happy to welcome you amongst us.


#5

[quote="Trishie, post:3, topic:332528"]
Dear Vivian, my heart goes out to you.

It's not against the Church to separate from an abusive person.
The difficulty arises when we wish to remarry, but you are still part of the Church, and can seek graces and answers there.

The circumstances of your marriage, that you felt* forced* to marry him rather than submit to the pressure to abort your baby, could mean that the validity of your first marriage may be in question. You may possibly have grounds to seek annulment from your first marriage, not because he was abusive, but because it wasn't a free choice. Anyway, that's something you can explore. God grant that you will find a good and wise priest to explain everything clearly to and seek his advice

You are always Catholic, and can go to Mass, though not yet receive Communion.
If you find the courage to go to Confession you will find peace of soul. I know the next steps are likely to be hard, but I pray that God will guide and strengthen you.

I'm sad you endured so much abuse and that you have such a burdensome illness.
I'll be praying for you Vivie.
Keep in touch in Private Messages if you wish.

Kind wishes and prayers,
Trishie

[/quote]

Trishie and Vivane,
No, Viviane should not receive Confession yet either. Viviane, it may well be that you could get an anullment, bit the best way to find out about that is to call your parish and ask to talk to ssomeone about that. Sometimes there is a specialist in a parish who handles that, so if they tell you to talk with someone who is not a priest, don't worry. But you should defintely call them because they will be best able to help you in this situation.

If you have any problems, let us know. Sometimes the people who do this are very busy and then they might not be able to explain everything, but do not be discouraged.


#6

Actually I’ve thought about my post since I wrote it.
I made two oversights.

Vivian, The fact that the man you married was abusive from the beginning could go to demonstrate that there was most likely no love on his part and that he also married unwillingly.

A person later becoming abusive doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage at the time of marriage was invalid,
but as this unloving behavior occurred from the beginning, then there possibly was no free intention to marry on his part either. Perhaps both married unwillingly.
In that case this could help towards gaining the annulment for a marriage that was invalid at the time of marriage.

Canon 1103 A marriage is invalid which was entered into by reason of force or of grave fear imposed from outside, even if not purposely, from which the person has no escape other than by choosing marriage.catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/canonlaw.htm

That there is abuse isn’t always indicative of invalid marriage, yet it can point to a person’s immaturity at the time of marriage, and the failure of the person’s ability to love and commit, and throw some doubt on the validity of the marriage…so it’s a complex issue. That is something that the Tribunal has to discern.

The other matter concerns Communion which will require your priest’s guidance.

Two of my sisters received annulments…circumstances, youth, family trauma surrounding our mother’s death and father’s remarriage, abusive spouses were all part of that equation. Each remarried and have happy, healthy, good Catholic “second” marriages

Two excerpts from the Catholic Code of Canon Law that can be considered in situations like yours.

Canon 1095.1.2 those who suffer from a grave lack of discretionary judgement concerning the essential matrimonial rights and obligations to be mutually given and accepted;

Canon 1103 A marriage is invalid which was entered into by reason of force or of grave fear imposed from outside, even if not purposely, from which the person has no escape other than by choosing marriage.catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/canonlaw.htm


#7

Thanks St Francis, I realized the shortcomings of my post overnight, and am thankful for your comments and the comment of another member.

Vivian dear one, I hope you will have courage soon to speak to a priest to find out what help is possible, and to receive the support that you need.

Loving prayers,

Trishie


#8

There could be real hope for your second marriage in the church.
Only one way to find out, just talk to the priest and he will help you.


#9

I agree with the advice to talk to your priest as soon as possible. However, I wanted to post just to provide you some encouragement should you get discouraged in the process. Sometimes we get impatient and sometimes we feel as though nobody is listening. Please, even when you feel discouraged, continue on this path. You will be forever grateful that you worked with your priest to find a resolution.

God bless and you will be in my prayers.


#10

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