[quote="Oh_Charlotte, post:1, topic:247225"]
Help. My teen son got a Gen 4 iPod at Christmas from his father (to upgrade his Gen 3 also from Dad) and I have no control over those gifts (we are divorced) and I have not taken control over the use.
He is CONSTANTLY CONNECTED! Always face down eyes on iPod. Sometimes games, other times texting, Facebook, googling.. He does not like queries, "Who are you texting?" though he will say sometimes (and I try to keep it light). I warned him downward grades meant new ipod rules for school-year and I will need to be addressing that, as his grades went down through the school-year. He does average to above average in school by not studying. He listens and retains what is said in class. So grades, not so great for ability. State test scores in content area, pretty high. Study habits, awful. He is active in a winter sport that is time consuming, with extended seasons, and has some sport camps in summer. So he has discipline. Favorite downtime activity? iPod!!
I am not TOO concerned about X-rated as we have had many talks but th constant exposure to waht I can't track or screen or block means he is in constant state of possible exposure. He knows about "custody of the eyes" but still...
Its too much! He is on summer vacation and deserves some unstructured time, but after morning sports camp he is all-day on iPod. This can't go on.
Can't dictate to a teen like a child!
You do if he's acting like a child. If not, you can attempt to reason with him, but only up to a point.
I feel helpless and doesn't anyone else struggle with this? I did a CAFsearch and did not see this topic addressed!
Perhaps some teens have video game problems. We don't have a Playstation 3, as he has asked, but as he is not video-game-connected now, I am afraid that will be another battle like the iPod. But his Dad might get him that for Christmas.:(
Have you had a discussion with dad about how the iPod is an issue and you do not want your son to have a video game? If not, you need to, even if it won't be fun. He does not need more electronics if he is already too connected.
Also, when I have given iPod-grounding as a punishment once or twice, the tremendous hostile anger because of the forced separation was too much!
Trying to take control will mean severe anger and argument from him so I must get my thoughts and strategy in order in my own mind first.
OK, here's the kicker - you are his parent first, not his friend. And yes, we have been there with our son; many years of his rebellion and anger over not getting what he wants, not following the rules, believing he didn't need them. Your son's grades can be great, his behavior can be OK, but if he reacts with that much anger over losing an iPod, then your only answer as the parent is, "Then behave yourself." You are supposed to take control; you do not bargain with a child, even a teenager; they are to behave and follow the rules of the house, period. And I can guarantee that if you cannot see or worse, he does not want you to see, what he is looking at, then you already have a problem. It could be he is trying to exert his control over a small part of his life, but again, as the parent; it should be your rules because it is your house, period. If there is nothing bad or he is not doing anything wrong, then there should be no problem with you looking. And no, it does not work both ways - he doesn't get to check on you.
There will be anger and you will hurt if and when you put your foot down as a parent. Limit his time on it, shut off the service if he cannot follow the rules; if it is really just a matter of how much time he is spending on it, then try to find a reasonable amount of time he can be on it. Electronics are absolutely the biggest reason young people today have trouble relating and communicating. The problem is, what are you teaching him by letting him control you?
We learned the hard way and our situation was different, but we dealt with the hostility big time. Our son was extremely rebellious; he hated any authority and rules; I still hurt to this day over how he treated his mother and sisters, all because I tried to find a compomise with my wife on handling him. Never again. My trust in him is still shot to a great degree. I kicked him out three times. Now, he is in college and loving it, and has held his job for over three years, which is a record. We are sure he is out doing things he shouldn't, but that is on him. It is why he will not live under our roof again.
Talk with dad, talk with your son, explain your concerns and the rules of the house. There are things he will want to do as a teenager (like driving) that you can, if need be, hold over his head if he gets out of control. Doesn't sound like you're there except for iPod use. But it is a matter of your trust in your son, and more so, his repsect of you as his mother.
So I would love suggestions. My son is 15, to be a sophomore.