Help... Troubles with my Mother


#1

Hello... for those of you who didn't see my last post on vocations... it is here -> forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=519470

Well now here we go with this problem. So, a couple days ago... I had a session with my spiritual director and one of the topics that came up was college and my life after high school. One of the points he had made in this conversation was that one of the biggest dangers a discerner can face in college is moving away from God and risking secularization that could harm a discerner's discernment process and even turn the discerner away from his or her vocation. He recommended going to a catholic college and having a spiritual director while there. Now... when I got home, I discussed the session with my mom, just to get her take on it and because (as you can see in my previous post) because I have been directed in past sessions to actively include my parents in discernment. Much to my surprise, she became quite upset when I mentioned the dangers of secularization. She became quite offended in fact. She went on a rant how secularization is fine and is actually beneficial in today's society and that it wouldn't hurt me as a discerner or as a priest or brother if I took that route. She seemed to think that if God really were calling me, I would be able to hear and follow that call without having religion as a central part of my life or an active prayer life. She went on to say that keeping religion as too much a part of my college years might "hurt" the experience gained there and would limit me as a person. These are the same objections she has raised to going to a college seminary which is something i have been considering doing... This shocked me and really did hurt me. In the past I have had a really good relationship with my parents, especially with my mom, but after this, I must admit, I am almost afraid to talk to her about my discernment process or religion in general. Am I taking this too personally? What should I do?


#2

She might be reacting weird because they might not have the resources to send you to a Catholic college or seminary. Private education is expensive.

If you do end up going to a public institution, you can still cultivate a prayer life, spiritual life. Many universities have a Newman Center or FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students). Your being a person of faith could be leaven in a public institution.

Some Catholic colleges are highly secularized or filled with people teaching in opposition to the Church. I don’t know what would be a greater danger to your faith and discernment. If you want a devout Catholic college, make sure it’s an Ex Corde Ecclesiae college.:thumbsup:


#3

Accroding to our late beloved Archbishop Sheen, you would be safer to send your child to a secular school than a catholic one! Now there are some very good catholic ones....but not enough!


#4

OK I went back and read your first thread.

If you want to be a diocesan priest who celebrates the Tridentine Mass, your first task would to be to find out if there’s a bishop of a diocese looking for that kind of seminarian. It’s a bit narrow in scope for the big tent that is being a diocesan priest.

If the Tridentine Mass is more important to you, then you’re likely going to be a religious order priest in an order whose charism is promoting that Mass.

It’s unlikely that a diocesan priest could be confident about doing only the Tridentine Mass.

Just don’t go to the schismatic groups please. And remember, there’s always the permanent diaconate too–ordained service, but in the world too–either as a single celibate man or as a married man. :thumbsup:


#5

With all due respect that comment by the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen is taken out of context. His point was that at a secular university one be forced to learn to defend one’s faith while at a Catholic college one would not need to do this as they would be sheltered from the outside pressures against the Church.

I think we can all agree that we do need more Catholic Universities - but in order to support them we need to have good Catholic students.

To the OP- I think you need to ask yourself can you support yourself in school if you make this decision on your own?


#6

If I were your Mom I’d be thinking, among a million other things that would be running through my mind, I want to be supportive, but my son is young, so he may change his mind. OK, I can do this. There is plenty of time.

Then you come home and it begins to sound like you are moving much farther and faster toward a vocation than your Mom was prepared for. I think maybe she feels a bit of panic. Give her a day or so to process.


#7

[quote="gtwolcott, post:1, topic:225274"]
Hello... for those of you who didn't see my last post on vocations... it is here -> forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=519470

Well now here we go with this problem. So, a couple days ago... I had a session with my spiritual director and one of the topics that came up was college and my life after high school. One of the points he had made in this conversation was that one of the biggest dangers a discerner can face in college is moving away from God and risking secularization that could harm a discerner's discernment process and even turn the discerner away from his or her vocation. He recommended going to a catholic college and having a spiritual director while there. Now... when I got home, I discussed the session with my mom, just to get her take on it and because (as you can see in my previous post) because I have been directed in past sessions to actively include my parents in discernment. Much to my surprise, she became quite upset when I mentioned the dangers of secularization. She became quite offended in fact. She went on a rant how secularization is fine and is actually beneficial in today's society and that it wouldn't hurt me as a discerner or as a priest or brother if I took that route. She seemed to think that if God really were calling me, I would be able to hear and follow that call without having religion as a central part of my life or an active prayer life. She went on to say that keeping religion as too much a part of my college years might "hurt" the experience gained there and would limit me as a person. These are the same objections she has raised to going to a college seminary which is something i have been considering doing... This shocked me and really did hurt me. In the past I have had a really good relationship with my parents, especially with my mom, but after this, I must admit, I am almost afraid to talk to her about my discernment process or religion in general. Am I taking this too personally? What should I do?

[/quote]

Well based on personal experience I went to an extremely secular college up in NH for a year while I was testing a call to the priesthood. I almost lost my faith in the process, there was no Newman Center only myself defending my Catholic faith against non-believers. I did start to read more about my faith in the process and after the fact my call to the priesthood became even stronger. Your mother sounds nervous, perhaps she doesn't take her Catholic faith as strong as you do. You have to options: 1. go to college and discern even further there or 2. go to a college seminary after high-school. I see your located in Idaho perhaps the Diocese of Boise will pay for the tuition, they are also in need of seminarians as well. Hope this helps! God Bless!


#8

I’m a student at a so called Catholic college and I have wittnessed many of my friends fall away from the faith. The Catholic Center at the local public university is full every Sunday. You should keep your mind open to the public/secular route. The secular world is not evil. In my experience, as a student at a Catholic college, the Catholic colleges promote heterodoxy while the public colleges may teach anti-Christian ideas but those ideas are not being promoted by the Church.


#9

If you are persistent in what you desire, then eventually your mother will come around to support you. I know it’s hard - I’ve been telling my parents that I want to be a religious sister for nearly four years, and they are only now beginning to support the idea (now that SSA may make that impossible, but that’s another story)…

My point is, don’t waver and don’t give up.

Also, try to be aware that in pursuing a vocation to the priesthood, it is not just you who will be making sacrifices, but your family also, and most especially your parents. Probably from the moment they knew you were conceived, they would have had visions of their little boy growing up, going to school, getting married and bringing home grandbabies.

It will take them time to mourn this vision that they likely had - they love you very much (or they wouldn’t care about what you are doing), but they need time to let go of what they had planned and to be ready to let you go, also. It is one of the hardest things for any parent to go through, I think. (not being a parent myself, I could be wrong, but…)

My advice to you is to be patient, and trust in God. Love your parents, but please don’t allow yourself to become secularized…

I will be praying for you, and for your discernment.

In Christ
wayward


#10

One thing I realized too after posting last is that you might want to watch how you are talking to your mother. For instance if you are using terms like secular and religious - try using terms like Catholic school and regular school - if all of a sudden she sees her little boy coming home talking like a priest or religious fanatic (not saying you are just saying how it might come off tosomeone who is not practicing as strongly as you are) and he is only talking like that when he is around Catholic people she is going to want to save him from the kool-aid. So keep it real wtih your mom. :wink:


#11






It still boils down to what I said…


#12

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