Help with an eleven yr. old/menstruation


#1

Hi ladies!!! And gentlemen…but you may not know what to do in this situation :smiley:

My eleven year old is going to start her period…any day now. All the signs are there…she must wear a bra now…hair growth where there wasn’t before…hormones and zits.

I and my fifteen year old have been talking about this with her…she knows all the mechanics about what is going on. The problem is she doesn’t want to do it. She swears she can stop it, and that it will never happen to her. Now I know she is half joking, but the fact is that she is truely dreading and hating her body changes. I feel so sorry for her…she is my little tomboy and it has been rough on her…she hates her breasts, they bother her while running.

I have never dealt with this before. I was really excited when it happened to me, and so was my older daughter. Anybody seen/had this type of reaction? How can I best proceed…make her feel better?


#2

OMGosh! That was totally me! I “denied” that IT had come for an entire week until my mom had to intervene. For me it was as easy as waiting until it actually got there and then realizing that all of the other girls in my class were experiencing the same thing.

I would just reassure her that there is nothing she can do to stop it and let her know that her feelings are somewhat normal and that once it starts she can feel free to come talk to you about it. Does she have a best friend or somebody she could confide in closer to her own age?


#3

One mother and two daughters = 3 females

That calls for some extra ‘shopping days’ out on the town.
Make extra women time for the three of you. Try on pretty things together. Compliment what really looks nice. Treat her to what you know she is willing to try. Have fun together and then ‘do lunch’ when you are finished.
Do it all this often but get started ASAP. Build good memories together that will last a life time.
Get comfortable with your womanhood together.:slight_smile:


#4

[quote=Chovy]OMGosh! That was totally me! I “denied” that IT had come for an entire week until my mom had to intervene. For me it was as easy as waiting until it actually got there and then realizing that all of the other girls in my class were experiencing the same thing.

I would just reassure her that there is nothing she can do to stop it and let her know that her feelings are somewhat normal and that once it starts she can feel free to come talk to you about it. Does she have a best friend or somebody she could confide in closer to her own age?
[/quote]

I think she doesn’t talk to anyone…I asked who had started in her class…she was like “I dunno”…really embarrassed :o

I told her…nothing you can do to stop it honey…it is really funny the way she sucks her tummy in and says “I will…I’m gonna hold it in”


#5

[quote=contemplative]One mother and two daughters = 3 females

That calls for some extra ‘shopping days’ out on the town.
Make extra women time for the three of you. Try on pretty things together. Compliment what really looks nice. Treat her to what you know she is willing to try. Have fun together and then ‘do lunch’ when you are finished.
Do it all this often but get started ASAP. Build good memories together that will last a life time.
Get comfortable with your womanhood together.:slight_smile:
[/quote]

There are four females in the house…and we do have a ball! I feel for my poor husband…but that’s a different thread :smiley:


#6

Well, I can completely empathize with her. Especially if she is the youngest. Accepting that right of maturity was like turning my back on my childhood. I felt like I was betraying that special place I had in my parent’s eyes as the baby.

It made things worse that we had no desks in which to “hide” things in my 7th grade classroom. We had open cubicles and the favorite thing of the boys to do was to steal our purses and go through them. Ah… the joys of adolescence.


#7

I hated it when I got mine. I was a very private person and didn’t want anyone to know. She is younger than the average (like I was) so she may feel awkward about it (I know I did). I remember suddenly realizing how immature my friends acted and wishing there wasn’t a gap in maturity between my friends and me.

The less people would bother me with it, the better. Eventually I grew out of that and was kinda glad later on that I had matured quicker. Let her know it is something good, nothing to be ashamed of, but give her time.


#8

[quote=Lillith]There are four females in the house…and we do have a ball! I feel for my poor husband…but that’s a different thread :smiley:
[/quote]

WooHoo 4 women shopping!
Keep doing this.
But maybe being the youngest of all these females she could use a little more time with you alone. Do more girl things together with her…just the two of you maybe? She might like that.
Give her a chance. After the Big Day comes you both can spend that extra time together just ‘being’ women.


#9

[quote=lifeisbeautiful]I hated it when I got mine. I was a very private person and didn’t want anyone to know. She is younger than the average (like I was) so she may feel awkward about it (I know I did). I remember suddenly realizing how immature my friends acted and wishing there wasn’t a gap in maturity between my friends and me.

The less people would bother me with it, the better. Eventually I grew out of that and was kinda glad later on that I had matured quicker. Let her know it is something good, nothing to be ashamed of, but give her time.
[/quote]

One difference between my daughter and yourself is that mentally, she is slightly immature, and I think that is the root of the problem. She still happily plays with my four year old daughter…they call each other BFFs. It is cruel that nature is developing her body quicker than her mind.

I am happy with her immaturity…glad to see her growing slower than my older daughter, who was way too mature…Kellyann thinks holding hand with a boy is gross…I’m happy with that :slight_smile:


#10

If she is a tomboy, maybe the reason she hates what is happening is that she thinks she can no longer do the things she likes. I know one mother whose daughter was pulled away from the sports she loved and pushed into cheerleading because it was more “appropriate” for girls. While this may not be what you are doing, other parents do and your daughter may be seeing this.

Maybe showing her strong female sports figures (who actually have breasts and wear makeup when not playing) or rock climbers, or astranauts would help her to accept that she can be a woman who still likes to run, jump, play and all the things she still enjoys now.

God Bless,
Maria


#11

[quote=Lillith]One difference between my daughter and yourself is that mentally, she is slightly immature, and I think that is the root of the problem. She still happily plays with my four year old daughter…they call each other BFFs. It is cruel that nature is developing her body quicker than her mind.

I am happy with her immaturity…glad to see her growing slower than my older daughter, who was way too mature…Kellyann thinks holding hand with a boy is gross…I’m happy with that :slight_smile:
[/quote]

:slight_smile:

Well, just keep in mind to me it felt like I matured all of a sudden. When I started wearing bras and stuff (before actually getting my menst.) I was very immature. I loved playing with barbies and other dolls and I acted immature. I felt weird to have a changing body when I still wanted to be a little girl and play with my barbies (which was not cool at school).
A little after I got my menst. it was like all of a sudden I was not interested in the same things I had always been. I could tell there was a difference between my friends and me. I didn’t want that difference to be there, but I could do nothing about it.

She might be going thru mixed feelings about growing up.


#12

I think you are right…she does not want to grow up, and is afraid. I reassure her constantly that she will be ready and we will help her always…I think she sees the bodily maturation as a sign that she is growing up, as if we’d just say…allright Kellyann, you’re an adult know…time to get cracking.

Her older sister is very mature/responsible and she is afraid that we will expect the same from her…


#13

Lilith, my daughter just turned 12 at the end of August, I’ve been convinced for two years that she was getting her period any minute because she is so moody and weepy but she still has not begun, my doctor told me it will have a lot to do with when I had my first period and I was actually closer to 13.

My daughter is absolutely miserable about getting her period, we are not even allowed to talk about it, she plugs her ears and sings really, really loud so she can’t hear what I’m saying.

She does know that it is a part of life but she has told me, until I actually get it, don’t talk about it, I just want to enjoy my life right now and not worry about it, she knows to come to me when it happens and they had a class at school about it and what to do if it happens while your in school, etc. So, until she comes and lets me know that the time has arrived, I just leave it alone, she knows there is nothing she can do about it but she does not want to spend time talking about it too much, she is also hating her growing breasts and won’t wear a bra, she will only wear a sports bra and she won’t wear anything white, all dark colors and super baggy, I know it is such a hard time, I know it was for me except I was excited to get mine but I was the youngest and had an older sister and wanted to be just like her, my daughter is the oldest and the only girl with 3 younger brothers, that is really hard and she does not want her brothers to hear me talk about this or her dad.
Try not to worry, as long as your daughter knows that when the time arrives to come to you, then, let her just live and enjoy her life without her period, it will happen soon enough, I say, let them be little and worry free as long as possible and the rest will fall into place :smiley:


#14

Kamz…that is her to a tee! My older daughter started at 10 1/2…I started at 11…this is what I’m going by…

I can’t help but smile when I see the poor thing daring mother nature…and sucking her tummy in while saying “nope…it aint happening”

She also will lose her teasing rights…she always teases the 15yr. old when she is on her period…saying oooooh how gross…and I’ve warned her not to do that…it will happen to you…

Ahhhh the JOY of raising girls


#15

My sister got her’s a couple of weeks after she turned 11. My mother didn’t think that it would come so soon (because on her side of the family, that is kind of…messed up), so she didn’t get the chance to tell her what menstration was. But my sister had been told that our bodies have to mature at a certain age.
What we told her was that she would have to start acting more lady-like. She could still play like she always had and still be a kid, and does (and she’s 12 now). Besides, menstration doesn’t mean you have to grow up and be an adult! You just need to be aware that you are going to slowly grow out of playing with toys, and immaturity. My sister is a tom-boy as well, and I don’t think she’s going to be giving that up very soon! :slight_smile:


#16

It seems that some of the resistence of the girls to accept their maturing bodies may be the feeling that they are not in control over something that will change their lives. While that is an understandably frustrating feeling, perhaps mothers need to help the daughters dealing with feelings of being out of control. I am not sure what to advise. But denial and avoidance can be very unhealthy coping mechanisms if they persist into adulthood.

Some kids have a difficult time adjusting to change. My older daughter is somewhat resistent to change but she got her period at a very, very young age (9) and she never, ever complained. (I was more upset about it than she was, though of course I tried not to show her that. I must have succeeded.)


#17

I was already 14.5 before I started (the week before my first day of high school), so I got teased in middle school because I was the only one who didn’t get periods. Late bloomer…

It didn’t help me like it any more though. And I still hate it! Like anything else biological, it’s not something she can will herself out of. I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Let her be a grump about it. At least she knows it’s normal and unavoidable.


#18

I cried when I got mine. I was 12. November 19, 1994. I remember that date like it was yesterday. I think I was so upset because I thought I was supposed to bleed for 28 days. I didn’t really understand the cycle back then. :o

Simple solution. 1 log of chocolate chip cookie dough and a spoon. Get in some sweat pants and watch sappy movies.


#19

[quote=StratusRose]I cried when I got mine. I was 12. November 19, 1994. I remember that date like it was yesterday. I think I was so upset because I thought I was supposed to bleed for 28 days. I didn’t really understand the cycle back then. :o

Simple solution. 1 log of chocolate chip cookie dough and a spoon. Get in some sweat pants and watch sappy movies.
[/quote]

:clapping: …she is already part of that routine…and knows what a comfort chocolate can be…

Poor, dear husband…


#20

I remember that I got mine about a month after my 13th birthday. We were vacationing in Sante Fe NM. I remember I had a really weird dream the night before. The next day, I wasn’t sad, but just "Ohh…Couldn’t this have waited until we got home from vacation? :rolleyes: ". I tried not to tell my mom about it, but she noticed that I wasn’t acting normal, and found out within the hour. :stuck_out_tongue:

Stratus Rose, That would be scary…28 days?! :bigyikes:


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