Help with anger

Hello there!

Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but oh well. I am struggling so much right now with a lot of anger and jealousy. I am a student at university in England. The student finance system here is truly awful. My parents earn a good income, which means I receive base loans as they are expected to “help” with my finances. However they have to finance themselves, my two brothers and now my grandmother. They simply do not have enough money to finance me either. My base loans do not even cover my rent, let alone bills, food, university books. I am naturally a worker so I got the only job that would fit in with my university hours (a doorman or "bouncer). I love my job but even with the added income I still cannot afford to cover my rent and other charges.

However the other side of the story is my house mates, are from “low income” families so they receive around 4 times the amount of finance I get (half of which they do not have to repay). There parents are not low income families, they are just separated and indeed earning more than my parents do. To add insult to injuries they also receive additional funds from uni because of their “low income families”. On top of it all, they receive 1.5k worth of computing equipment + 1k of software to “help” with their studies regardless of the fact they already own such items.

I am struggling big time to hold in my anger and jealousy as every penny I earn goes on living and I still cant cover my costs where as they have thousands in surplus and live lavish lifestyles buying what ever they want. This may sound like a small issue, but I am heavily in debt now just to cover living costs and I physically cannot afford another year at university to complete my degree.

I do not pray for wealth or for my problems to be fixed, I just pray that I learn to get over and live with my anger and it does not control me.
Thank you

I am not familar with the English system at all so I cannot give specific advice. But I do appreciate the problem of not being poor enough to get financial aid and yet not being rich enough to pay cash and graduate with no debt.

Your question is how to deal with anger and jealousy that is developing from your current situation. Perhaps, because you are rightly focused on your situation, you have developed a rather myoptic view of your relative standing amidst your student peers. You may be assigning to them a better situation than what they REALLY have. And you may be feeling that you are the only student with your set of problems.

I can assure you that they are not as well off as you may think and you certainly are not the only struggling student. That may be hard to accept because you have yet to experience enough of life to see beyond the surface. Please note that certain knowledge of a fact or two, or even a few facts, is not enough to form a reliable conclusion as to how well off someone else is compared to you.

As to dealing with negative feelings - As President Kennedy’s mother once said about not giving into painful feelings, after three of her sons were killed (two assassinated, one in WW II), a daughter killed in a plane crash and a daughter left with a child’s mentality after a bad operation Rose did not choose, “I vowed I would not let them defeat me.” Rose Kennedy would not feel sorry for herself. She carried on.

For me personally, negative feelings have served their purpose when they motivate me to seek a POSITIVE path to succeed. Where am I at? What’s going on? What do I need to succeed? Who can I approach to guide me? Like Rose Kennedy, I do not allow myself to wallow in negative feelings. That is a conscious choice I make.

One person I always approach is Jesus Christ. He too suffered and any suffering that comes my way is an opportunity for me to realize I am sharing in His Passion and I can seek His aid which WILL COME in its proper time so that I can do God’s Will as He wants.

The answer for you is out there. You just have to get beyond your feelings and search for it. Seek God’s Counsel and seek the counsel of those you think might be able to wisely advise. Avoid the nay sayers.

For the record, I got my 4 year degree at age 44. I was fortunate to graduate the semester before our oldest daughter. But she did take a couple of classes with me. So if you want a degree strong enough, you will find the way for you.

Dear Stevonsky,

The patron saint of anger management is St. Peter…remember the strory of protecting Jesus by cutting off the ear of one of the men who came to the Garden?

So: We pray for St. Peter’s intercession with Our Lord, that Stevonsky’s anger will be channelled into a more productive effort to handle his emotions and find a solution to his final year at university. St. Peter, please pray for us all!

Have you considered leaving the university for a period of time to earn an income which would allow you to complete you degree later? I don’t know how your university system works, but in the States, we have the ability to interrupt studies, then return with the credits we earned previously.

May G-d be with you in your quest!

Say what you have said here to your confessor. Do whatever he tells you. frequent reception of Communion, and grace will see you through. God be with you.

peace

First, what you are suffering from is not jealousy, but envy. People interchange them, but they have different meanings. Envy is what causes you to hate your brother who has something that you do not. You are also seeing the evils of the “social justice” system, where people who cannot afford something get things that people who should be able to afford them cannot. It is envy you feel, but it is envy that is caused by the state. Your anger may be justified, under the name of “righteous indignation”. It is okay to be angry at injustice (especially at injustice that is committed in the name of “justice”).

Thank you for your reply GratefulFred. I agree with a lot of what you say but I assure you, I have understated if anything how “well off” these people are. We have been living together for years now and are extremely close. There is not a secret in the house at all. Also I know I am not the only student in this situation, it doesn’t make how unfair the finance system is any easier. I truly believe in what you said, if I want it enough I will find the way for me. I have fought tooth and nail to be here now (reasons that I do not believe belong on the internet) and tell people those exact words! I am extremely good at dealing with any other emotion, however a quick temper and high levels of anger run in the males of my family. Also as I am sure you are aware, not everybody at university is the same age, I have experienced more of life than maybe you give me credit for.

Anyway, in addition to what I said before, recently I discovered that one of my house mates had a one night stand and got the girl pregnant last year. He sent her a text saying “get rid” and that was the end of that childs life. The other house mates make all sorts of jokes about it as if it is nothing… I really do love my house mates, they are my closest friends but im not sure if this is the right atmosphere for a person of my beliefs.

My job as a “Bouncer” unfortunately is what I believe is the main driving force of this anger as I am around so much physical and verbal abuse every shift. But without it no university.

Thank you again for your time

Just a little update in case anybody was checking back here.

My anger prompted me to send an email to my university re-explaining my situation to them and due to the added emotion in my email due to my anger, they have now accepted to review my case for additional funding for which I was original rejected because they didn’t have the funds.

God works in very weird ways that we may not always see, but for me at least this is proof he was working all along.

Thanks again

St. Peter works FAST! Great news!

Thank you, St. Peter. Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ!

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