Help with billings method. Save our marriage!


My wife and I are having problems in bed. I really love her and we enjoyed sex in a loving way, but she decided to use bc pills.
They are turning her into a zombie. She visited a gynecologist and he gave her pills. She felt constant cramps and depression, and so the doctor now gave her a depo provera shot.

Our relationship is hell now, she doesn´t speak much now, she´s cold, not affective, no libido, pain when having sex. We don´t have sex anymore.
But the worst part is the akwardness, she gets irritated easily, I get frustrated, we get depressed, so basically I try to avoid her now as much as possible because things would just get worst.

I´m totally against using condoms and bc pill, but she respects my beliefs as I respect hers.

I know the problem is not her, the problem is the pills and shot, and so I will never abandon her or stop loving her, and we have talked this out but she wants to continue to protect herself, so she´s going to try different brands of pills, but has already told me that most likely any bc pill will have this effect on her.

So I want to convince her out of that garbage, but the only option I´ve found is the billings method. But everybody has heard is inacurate, and she might reject her, but I need to convince her and make her feel safe.

But there´s another problem. My wife suffered from anorexia 5 years ago, and so she´s very irregular, meaning she menstruates about 4-5 times per year. Can we still use the method?.
Also is there any kind of commercial kit or something?, in order to give her tools for her to feel safe.

Please help save our marriage.


Have you heard of the Sympto-Thermal Method (taught by the Couple to Couple League) or the Creighton Method (taught by the Pope Paul VI Insititute at Creighton University in Omaha?) Both of these are more advanced and accurate than the Billings Method, which if I understand correctly, was an EARLY form of NFP developed in the late 60s or early 70s.

The Sympto Thermal Method requires the woman to take her temperature daily upon waking, which does take some getting used to, but once it becomes a habit it is not burdensome (I did it myself for quite a few years). The Creighton Method does NOT require temperature taking, and studies have shown it to be highly effective for both avoiding and achieving pregnancy. It works even in women with irregular cycles and in those approaching menopause.

I would suggest you google “Couple to Couple League” or “Pope Paul VI Institute for Human Reproduction” to find out more about either of these methods. Or, consult your diocesan family life/marriage office if you haven’t already.

If the Pill makes her this miserable and ruins your sex life, doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of taking it? NFP used properly can be every bit as effective as the Pill.

I hope this helps you and I pray for God’s blessings on you both.


Heh…sounds familiar.

There’s no lie. Hormonal treatments are a pain. Women who are relying on them certainly have to be called to it, there is no doubt in that. They make y ou moody, kill your libido, and mess with your system. I personally can’t understand for the life of me why anyone would even THINK of using them just so they can have sex whenever they want. Yuck. They should only be used for medical conditions that require them. End of story.

As to your wife: If she is reliant on the hormonal treatments to help with issues then there isn’t a “one fixes all” cure. You have to shop around as it were. There are lot of different pills that work in different ways. Yes, there will always be drawbacks, but you have to determine if it is worth it. In some cases, it is. But you HAVE to talk to a doctor about it. Absolutely HAVE to. Remember: these pills work like ibuprofin. They mask symptoms of a deeper problem, so you HAVE to determine what the problem is, and if masking these symptoms by hormonal treatment is a valid option.

There are other places that the previous poster mentioned that help. In these cases, they can treat the real root of the problem. This is why you have to determine EXACTLY what is going on that is causing the problem. More often than not, it can be taken care of without hormonal therapy. Sometimes (but rarely) not.

In any case, if the whole reason for hormonal treatment is to avoid pregnancy, DO NOT DO IT. These treatments should never be used for that because they cause the kind of problems you are facing. You mention irregular cycles, try sympto-thermal. It means several months of abstinance, but the pay-off will be AWESOME! Plus, it’s designed to be effective even without regular cycles. It’s all about getting to know how fertility works. Can’t reccomend it enough.


You will find more resources and support for various methods than others depending upon what country you are in. The major methods include:

Sympto Thermal (taught by Couple to Couple League and Northwest Family Services)
Creighton Model
Billings Ovulation Model
Marquette Model

Marquette uses a combination of Creighton and a fertility/ovulation monitor kit.

You can find information on these methods on the web, and some offer distance learning if there are no teachers in your area.

I do not know where your wife got information that Billings is ineffective. This is not the case.

Is your wife a Catholic? Or are you married to a non-believer?


Your wife might accept the Marquette method easier. It’s done with an actual fertility monitor, and measures directly (in urine) the two main hormones involved with ovulation. It’s VERY effective for both trying to get prego and spacing. My wife found comfort in using something that used 21 century technology. All methods, when done correctly, are very effective. But I suggest the Marquette method b/c my wife’s temps were erratic and non-typical, and therefore we didn’t feel like we were doing any of it correctly. Marquette does use some money, since you’d have to buy a monitor (though Marquette university was doing research in this new method, and were giving them out for free), and the urine sticks… but if she’s already used to buying bc pills, it’s nearly the same cost per month (about 15 bucks / month) All we used to learn the method was this manual. We’ve used it to have our two children and to space them.

God Bless!


Thank you people, I´m all against bc pills but I hope she will accept the fact that they mess with her. She´s an extremely sensitive woman, so these pills multiply her sensitiveness to 100s. So even talking to her about quitting the pill can create an emmotional issue, so I´m gonna have to wait till her depo provera shot stops doing effect. BTW its not the 3 month shot, but a shot that must be done every month. Hopefully it will not last 3 months.

Because she also thinks the pills would be good to regulate her cycle, she is seeing a gynecologist, but in my opinion, these people don´t know anything. They measure women´s body weight and give them a pill and just pray that it won´t have side effects, but I´ve seen the side effects every single time. BC pills are devil´s work.

I think a healthy life can help regulate her cycle, she needs to gain weight etc, not bc pills. How the heck is a pill that generates emmotional and physical pain help on anything?.

Well, that said. I looked at the option of buying a temp monitor and saliva lens, that should be safe enough, and I will read the methods to.

The only think that worries me is pseudosig´s experience with her wife having thermal irregularities. Do you think it is something very common or uncommon?.

Because there´s a product called lady comp which is about $600 dlls. Imagine that investment to measure the temp?. So I thought on something simpler and cheaper called “petit sophia” which is a termometer that keeps record of thermal readings and tells you when you´re fertile, and its only $80. Plus buying the saliva lens $40.

The problem I see with the urine sticks is that I hate the fact that you have to buy them monthly and its an expenditure $$$. Do you think we´ll be ok with the thermometer and saliva lens?.

And answering another question. I was baptized catholic, but currently practice gnosis, so it is also extremely important for me not to use bc. My wife is catholic but does not practice.


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