Help With Chastity


#1

I have a pregnancy fetish, and I'm kind of embarrassed about it. I don't like admitting to it, and it's hard just to say it on here.

A little background info: I'm not married, and am not currently in a relationship.

Based on what I've heard, I don't think it is possible to "undo" a fetish, so instead I feel that I simply should do my best to "live through this." But it also puts a few doubts in my mind about a few things.

First, assuming I end up in a relationship/get married/have kids, she (hypothetical girlfriend/fiance/wife) probably has a right to know about this, but does she absolutely have to know about this? When's the right time?

Second, it would make me feel uneasy about feeling for the hypothetical unborn baby with her. The mere sight of a pregnant woman can cause arousal, I'm pretty sure touching her stomach would do alot more. Normally, I would feel that, if she and I conceived the child together, I have a right to feel it whenever we're both OK with it. Not so much with this fetish.

Is there a serious problem here, or am I just thinking too much?


#2

If you are not married, you should not be having sex. Period. It doesn’t matter if you are “in a relationship” or not. It doesn’t matter if it’s “fetishized” or not. Work on the virtue of chastity in general. If pregnant woman are really a serious temptation for you, you need to work on custody of the eyes- which may mean looking in the other direction as you walk down the street, getting up and leaving a room, or not hanging out with certain friends. That said, pregnancy is part of life- a good part. You will encounter pregnant women. Pray regularly. A rosary a day. The angelus. Morning prayers, evening prayers. Focus on the four last things- death, judgement, heaven, and hell. Make regular confessions and receive Holy Communion.

God Bless.


#3

I do not think it is a “fetish”. Men and Women were created to have children. Man participates in the work of creation of God, what is just unbelievable, that you give cell, the woman gives a cell and God creates a Person. It is a mireacle.

I do not know, I am just interpreting, maybe you feel the need to have a child. But to have a child, you need a woman. To have a woman and a child you need a family for man’s children take a long time to raise. Besides, that is what God planned for Men: not to have offspring like animals but to raise children like sons of God, that’s what we are.

What about getting a wife and a family? Is is too alergic?

Bye


#4

This may or may not apply to you, however, part of the problem may lie in a need to practice restraint of mind, i.e., avoid fantasizing when you inevitably encounter a pregnant mother. It will be a question of switching inappropriate thoughts to appropriate thoughts, e.g., interrupt the common chain of thoughts and think about things you need to do that day (get food, do chores, and so on).
It may seem difficult, but temptations can be mastered with diligence and self-awareness. You already know what sets you off, but do you realize what goes on in your mind when it does? Look out for thought patterns, change in breathing, what you are looking at...there's a whole bunch of things! Know yourself so that you can be in control of yourself.

If you haven't already, read this entry on the Vocation to Chastity. There's a lot there, but it's worth reading. It covers a lot of topics that might interest you :thumbsup:

Keep praying to God and the Virgin Mary for the virtue of chastity! (And while you're at it ask Him to throw some my way!)


#5

[quote="Pfaffenhoffen, post:3, topic:252219"]
I do not think it is a "fetish". Men and Women were created to have children. Man participates in the work of creation of God, what is just unbelievable, that you give cell, the woman gives a cell and God creates a Person. It is a mireacle.

I do not know, I am just interpreting, maybe you feel the need to have a child. But to have a child, you need a woman. To have a woman and a child you need a family for man's children take a long time to raise. Besides, that is what God planned for Men: not to have offspring like animals but to raise children like sons of God, that's what we are.

What about getting a wife and a family? Is is too alergic?

Bye

[/quote]

Ok, maybe it's not, I'm not sure who can say. I just find it odd that I woud have that kind of attraction. And yes, I do want a wife someday. In fact that's one of my strongest wishes.


#6

There is nothing wrong with seeing pregnant women as beautiful as this something women constantly worry about and to be honest men see it as beautiful. One must not let this become to lust however as then the beauty that is there become's distorted


#7

[quote="Paddy1989, post:6, topic:252219"]
There is nothing wrong with seeing pregnant women as beautiful as this something women constantly worry about and to be honest men see it as beautiful. One must not let this become to lust however as then the beauty that is there become's distorted

[/quote]

I don't think having a bizarre sexual attraction to it is necessarilly the same thing as "seeing it as beautiful," as you put it.


#8

Is it possible I posted this in the wrong forum?


#9

I hate to point out the obvious but a pregnant woman is (or should be) someone’s wife.

And however you feel about it you shouldn’t be having lustful thoughts about anyone’s wife accept your own (if you do eventually marry).


#10

[quote="libera_nos, post:1, topic:252219"]
I have a pregnancy fetish, and I'm kind of embarrassed about it. I don't like admitting to it, and it's hard just to say it on here.

A little background info: I'm not married, and am not currently in a relationship.

Based on what I've heard, I don't think it is possible to "undo" a fetish, so instead I feel that I simply should do my best to "live through this." But it also puts a few doubts in my mind about a few things.

First, assuming I end up in a relationship/get married/have kids, she (hypothetical girlfriend/fiance/wife) probably has a right to know about this, but does she absolutely have to know about this? When's the right time?

Second, it would make me feel uneasy about feeling for the hypothetical unborn baby with her. The mere sight of a pregnant woman can cause arousal, I'm pretty sure touching her stomach would do alot more. Normally, I would feel that, if she and I conceived the child together, I have a right to feel it whenever we're both OK with it. Not so much with this fetish.

Is there a serious problem here, or am I just thinking too much?

[/quote]

I think a lot of men find pregnant women attractive. The culture just doesn't tell us this at all. But I've heard of many husbands finding their wives amazingly beautiful and alluring with their pregnant bellies. My husband loved my baby bump. He was sad for it to go though he says I'm still more attractive than I was before I was pregnant. He says I just seem to have more curves than I did before. One of the most shocking things to me was that while I was pushing my baby out, my husband turned to me and with all sincerity said "You are so beautiful right now!" I stopped and was like "Really?!"

Its a good and positive thing to be able to tell a wife that she's beautiful in moments where normally she'd think she's less attractive. A lot of women feel ugly and fat when they're pregnant. They're paranoid about stretch marks and being unappealing to their husbands.

I wouldn't call what you have as a fettish. I think its just some unspoken thing men share.

Chastity is not about seeing your sexuality in hostile light. It simply means respecting the meaning of sexuality and marriage. The main things to avoid as a single person is becoming sexually involved prior to marriage, masturbating and engaging imaginative fantasies for the purpose of enjoying sexual pleasures. Strive to avoid those things that tempt you to do that, but beyond that be merciful with yourself, pray and go to confession


#11

"I think a lot of men find pregnant women attractive."

Fair enough, but would most of these men go so far as to see it as a "turn-on"?


#12

Its normal to have an attraction to woman but if its going into nasty thoughts then do what brother St.Francis did and dump yourself naked into some snow, you get my point, do what you have to do to rid of the thoughts. Spiritual reading may help with this as well.


#13

Odd? I tell you (attention: this is not a stereotype, it is based on statistics. Of course, it is not a 100 % statistic but a kind of "“most of the persons” of this kind prefer. It is not intended to be racist. It is a fact. If needed, I may bring the data ):
[LIST=1]
*]there is a tribe in Africa where men prefer women with long necks: they (the women) put rings around their necks and the women who have most rings are considered more sexy. They cannot take out the rings, otherwise the neck would break.
*]Oprah invited a girls from the west coast of Africa who said that there fat women are considered sexy. Oprah laughed at herself (and I admire this on her) saying that she would be a success there)
*]in another, I do not remember where, women must be fat too, so there are clinics to fatten skinny girls.
*]in another part of Africa, women are appreciated for having large hips, in such a way that darwinianly women of that part have larger than usual hips.
*]I wont tell the statistics on the prferences of americans and japanese of women breasts but you can find there.
*]you know the story of old times chinese concubines of the emperor who had such samll feet that their bones were disformed.
*]old times, “wasp waist” was fashion
[/LIST]
I have other funny and vey funny examples but may be considered “racists” which are not. It simply says that what attracts men in women is varied.

God Bless


#14

I re-posted this on another forum, and someone said something I found interesting, that it's only a fetish if I don't find "NONpregnant women" attractive, and that what I'm describing is normal? Does anyone here agree?


#15

[quote="libera_nos, post:14, topic:252219"]
I re-posted this on another forum, and someone said something I found interesting, that it's only a fetish if I don't find "NONpregnant women" attractive, and that what I'm describing is normal? Does anyone here agree?

[/quote]

In a class on human (abnormal) sexuality we learned that the day-to-day use of the word fetish is one that does not fit the psychological definition much like other true disorders, e.g., someone might say "I'm feeling kind of bipolar today" meaning that they have been having slight mood swings. If they were actually bipolar, it would be more serious. In other words, the person on the other forum is correct.

That does not mean that you can relax though! Temptation has more forms than just the true fetish! Don't stop praying!:gopray:


#16

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