Help with dating


#1

I am a 38 year old woman who has been longing to find a man to share my life with. My desire is of course to find a good Catholic man as I am a conservative Catholic woman myself. I have tried retreats, online dating sites, volunteering, etc. It never seems to work out with any of the Catholic men I meet. Some have flaked, some I am not attracted to and others are just Catholic in name (don't go to church, don't follow teachings...) and things don't work out. I have recently met a man and have gone on a few dates with him. We haven't discussed faith yet but it stated non-religious in his profile. He is very nice and seems to have a good head on his shoulders (from what I know now). He is close with his family and talks of them often. I am only dating to discern marriage so I don't like to see someone for very long that the potential isn't there. I really think this guy has potential but I am worried about the whole faith thing. I plan on asking him about faith, whether he was raised with any, where does he stand, etc. Any suggestions? I want to give him a try, he seems much different than the other men I have dated in recent years. I don't want to end it because he is not Catholic but also don't want to wait to long to see if this will be an issue. HELP!!!!
Also, I really want to have a chaste courtship but hanging out in groups just doesn't happen when you are older and dating. I have lots of friends, but they are busy with their own families. Anyone out there in this age range have success staying chaste until marriage? How often did you see each other? What did you do? This is another thing that is going to be discussed fairly early since in the secular world this happens so early in dating :eek:.
God Bless!


#2

I think you need to figure out what things are not negotiable and which things might be. I would say be very cautious, but definitely start talking about faith soon. If you’ve been on a couple of dates and it hasn’t come up yet, you should bring it up now. You don’t have to make it intimidating- work it into the conversation. “I was at Mass the other day and…” blah blah blah. See what he has to say about it.

If he doesn’t associate with a particular religion, does he at least believe in God? Heaven and hell? What is his attitude toward Catholics? Would he be willing to attend Mass with you?

I am engaged to someone who was baptized but not raised in the faith. I would not have continued dating or decided to marry him if he was not willing to attend Mass with me, at least learn about the faith, or if he did not believe in God. Also not negotiable for me is that our children will be brought up in the faith- and he had to be supportive of that. Another thing that is important is that he knows I’m not tolerant of any Catholic jokes, or any animosity toward the church.

I think it can work if someone is respectful and truly an extraordinary person, but you have to be very cautious. You’ll know more about his character and attitude toward your faith once you bring it up, but I would definitely do that soon.

As for your other question…well, I am about 10 years younger than you are, but have remained chaste with my fiance. It can be done, but it depends a lot on your self-mastery and that of the other person. In my case, we’re pretty good at it, so we can be alone and watch a movie, talk, cook, whatever, without anything happening. We get together about twice a week. It’s not because we don’t want to, but we have sort of become used to not doing anything unchaste, if that makes any sense.

Mostly we go out to eat, and I live near a large city so there is generally a lot to do. We also get together with family and friends fairly often. We play board games or cook, the normal things. It can be done, really. As adults people shouldn’t need supervision, but they should know their own limits and take care to avoid situations that would be tempting.


#3

I agree with what Katie said above. I too would definitely give it a look but would definitely be cautious as well. You might even ask him outright about his beliefs, which should work better than beating around the bush. Perhaps you can look at it this way: you aren’t asking him so you could dump him but you’re asking to him to see if he’s the one to keep (and therefore you’re giving him a chance). Don’t push it on him but you might get him interested in going to church and seeing… I’d just separate that seeing from seeing you (each of the two should be a separate decision). Wouldn’t make decisions based on a vague possibility of some change in the future. Good luck!


closed #4

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