help with marriage


Hello:

I am a catholic and happy to be joining this forum. I am trying to find out How to talk to the younger generation about what Love is all about. The younger generation seem to be selfish, and have wants only for themselves, and want to use the other partner for thier wants and needs, and if they do not get it, they devorce. I don’t believe this is Love its greed and selfcenteredness. Meanwhile the children who are destroyed mentally and emotionally they do not care about their feeling. The focus is all about them. They just think the children will be fine. as they go on ,and try to find happpiness for themselves. They think they have been cheated somewhere in life. Meanwhile the children are torn from their homes and friends, their schools, and home, Just so one of them can be happy.
I am talking to many that have devorced.
I have been married 45 years. I I believe you have to focus and show love to the other person, and to each other, before thinking about yourself, and then it will all fall into place. If each does this it should be a good marriage. but if not both, then one needs to be smarter than the other , and give love, and hope things will be happy, with the guidence of the Holy. Spirit. If anger , greed and selfishness resentment is their, then the devil is at work to bring this family down. How do you talk to the younger generation. They will not listen to anything that you want to tell them asking them to go to God for help. I have a situation with my son, and his wife. Beautiful couple, 2 beautiful children, 10 & 13., have great jobs, lovely home. Then wife started running around, coming home 4 morning, My son getting worried and angry about it. She says she just wants to go out and dance, she is not doing anything for him to accept it.
He starts talking to the devorcee neighbor, about his problems, because he is woried about her not wanting to be with him or t he boys. She throws him out because of the texting to the neighbor. He is now with me for 1 month. Going back and forth to his home with the boys. I cannot get threw to him to go home and show love and campassion with her , and love to the boys. Try to fix what is hurting her .
How do you talk to them before it goes into devorce.
mj

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#768 Today, 7:17 am

I’m sorry about the problems that your son is having with his family. As you know divorce is now so common that it instantly comes to some people’s minds when they’re having problems. Young or old I would say that prayer probably is the best answer, in that it can truly transform a life and a marriage. However I know how difficult it can be to talk to people in my generation about God and drawing near to Him (I think half my friends think I’ve gone crazy since I converted).

If you could convince your son to read a book about marriage there is one that I would definitely recommend. Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married is absolutely amazing. My husband and I have been reading it together and his insights on marriage are completely relevant, regardless of age or generation.

I’ll keep your family in my prayers!

Hi,

I’m new myself and honestly just reading this website and forums to learn. But I have been through all of this myself with my ex-husband. We were married nearly 25 years and he was having some severe problems (addictions–sex, drugs, etc.) as part of what seemed to be a huge midlife crisis.

That said, there ARE programs within or sponsored by the Catholic Church. One is Retrouvaille. Google it, there is a website for it. You may wish to suggest this to your son. We went through it but unfortunately (I learned this post-Retrouvaille), it was not recommended in my case. However it is a wonderful program. Hopefully making this suggestion isn’t out of line, I just wanted to let you know there is hope and support.

Hello and welcome to Catholic Answer forums.

I know you mean well and are very concerned for your son, daughter-in-law (DIL) and grandchildren. But PLEASE be careful making generalizations about the “younger generation”. This generation is the product of older generations.

Forty-five years ago, you married. That would mean you married your wife 1964-65–right around the time contraception became legal, around the time the Vatican released Humanae Vitae, shortly before the divorce rate sky-rocketed, shortly before abortion became legal, etc., etc. Your son and DIL belong to a generation that saw divorce become common place–(often by their parents–usually people your generation.) Many children growing up after the 1970’s and beyond grew up in broken homes–if their parents were even married in the first place. Many Catholics of that generation received poor catechisis and poor marriage prep.

You and your wife have done well to stay married for 45 years. Your example may help your son get through the current difficulties. I don’t know what example his wife saw from her parents and other adults when she was growing up, but as I described in the paragraph above many of her generation had some bad examples.

After 45 years, certainly you must know that marriage has it’s ups and downs. A mother who begins running around as you described certainly has serious problems of some type. If she’s also actively cheating on your son, I am very grateful that you have opened your home to him while he tries to resolve the situation. But he can’t fix it alone–she must be willing and it doesn’t sound like she is.

No fault divorce laws mean that if one spouse wants to divorce, the other spouse can’t contest it. I don’t know how to get through to someone who wants to run around on and divorce her spouse, but I suggest serious prayer and fasting, (if your health permits–and if your health doesn’t permit fasting, please offer up whatever suffering your health may be causing you.)

My prayers for you son and his wife.

A month may seem like a long time, but actually, it’s not. As the person above mentioned, it takes two to make a marriage. It sounds like your son’s wife is going through some type of crisis. It may be something she needs to get out of her system. I recommend praying for them both. Ask your son to pray and fast for his wife. There also some books by Gregory Popcak that might help your son figure out what went wrong so that he can see what things might need to be fixed. Basically, if the wife wont let the son come back, the only other options would be for him to try to force his way back, which usually ends being messy and destructive. Have patience and pray for both of them.

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