I need some help here.2 years ago my Husband and I divorced.Only civil though.We are still married in the eyes of the Church. It is a long story,but to give you an idea,we were a blended family,and we had many troubles in our relationship.we were in counseling throughout but could never seen to get it right.Anyway,in the past few months through prayer,we had been talking and trying to start again.We were moving slowly and I still live apart.
My problem is a major road block now. His family holds grudges,and they are not like my family in compassion.We both had many faults and both families are justified in what they may feel about us getting back together.
My family does not hold a grudge against my husband and welcomes him to all of our family events.However,his family is more one sided and only sees me as the fault of our marriage ending,and doesnt want him with me.
And now,the road block is my husband stepping up and setting them straight,telling them how his faults were just as bad,and not letting them dictate our future.
I really need my husband to step up and take care of this. I believe he is afraid to.I pray and pray,and I dont know what else to do.
Any advice will help.
I think this is something that will need to be addressed in counseling. It is like this. When a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife… It is in the book of Genesis but I am doing this off the cuff right now - he must be willing to live out the Catholic marriage. Have you discussed this scripture with him?
There are a couple of things here.
Neither you or he can make his family like you - even if and when he does step up, it still sounds as though some might still hold a grudge. So this may never really change.
You are right in that he does need to step up and clear the air with his family and place himself squarely in your corner and as your protector from any animosity coming from members of his family.
Until this happens, he has not demonstrated his commitment to you and to your marriage. So until this can happen, you are both better off continuing as you are.
It’s all part of being honest and of being Loving.
Unless I’m misreading you, I think what your saying is that you and your (ex)husband are considering a reconcillation, but you’re troubled that his family holds grudges (against you, I assume) and you think your husband isn’t addressing this with this family properly.
If this is correct, you and your husband need to address this in your counseling appointments so that you can express your concerns in non-threatening, mediated environment and your husband can work on some communication strategies so that it’s more than clear to his relations that you and he are a family and you’re not planning on changing that fact any time soon.
Please be aware, however, that your husband may not be able to change the minds of his family members. If this is the case, you need to work together to develop a strategy for moving on and coping with this reality.
Pray lots. And good luck.
Thank you all so much. We are calling our counselor tomorrow.He is a beautiful Catholic counselor which really helps!!