help with scrupulosity

everytime i feel like i’ve reconciled an issue, it comes back to haunt me.

for example, the women and pants issue, or the short hair issue or headcoverings.

i guess i’m just afraid those will turn out to be heven or hell things at the end of the day, which i know is a bit crazy. the church has bound and loosed more serious things than that. and even if i talk about it to a priest, it still happens. is it just satan making me feel like i’ll never make it? or is it from God saying i should do these things. that also confused me

A person with scruples - ought to have a “regular confessor” who can direct them. Such is the age old practice in the Church.

For ones scruples interfere with right judgement of conscience. One can become like a ship without a rudder. For a time at least one needs that regular confessor. One follows his direction (in what is not *manifest *sin -like he says go murder so and so -that one would not do). He can also give you general principles for you to follow.

Scruples are to be “dismissed” not conversed with. Treated like a barking dog or a hissing goose --one does not stop to talk with either of those does one? No. One keeps walking (image borrowed from a Carthusian from the middle ages).

Same with scruples with the guidance of a regular confessor who knows one.

Scruples like to “nag”. One instead listens to ones confessor “no that is not a sin” and does as he directs one - to act against such a scruple. Ignoring it.

Someone has a scruple about not wearing a headcovering -their confessor tells them (rightly) that such is not sinful -and he advises them - “now go to Mass without one”. “You will not sin.” So the person does so. And though they feel not good -they know they are not sinning and overcoming their scruple. Key is to have a confessor who knows one and can direct one accordingly. Following his direction. Ignoring thoughts or feelings to the contrary. For ones own compass is out of sorts.

It may in some cases also be good to have a Catholic therapist in addition: I saw this site advertised:

Have you looked into having a Spiritual Director? Praying for you.

Spiritual director is a great idea. Bare your soul to a holy priest or devout sister and they will come to know you and help with where you are at.

Also, remind yourself that Christ does not place undue burdens on people. “My yoke is easy and my burden light,” is a good reminder, too.

Some saints have been called to a heroic level of self-denial, mortification, etc., but the Church has never placed these burdens on the laity. If the Church does not insist on a certain custom or behavior then it is a very un-Catholic attitude to go beyond that in INSISTING on it yourself (you can always freely do it; just don’t attach the idea of sin to it).

If you believe that the pants, short hair and veils issues are important, then why not stop worrying about them and just do what is right about them: be modest and feminine like the Blessed Virgin Mary is, and don’t wear your hair or dress in a way that is not modest or feminine. You don’t want to look like or dress like a man or be an occasion of sin for others, now do you? God bless you.

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