I am 16 years old. I want so badly to love God and have a relationship with Him, but lately I have been sinning SO much. The thing is, even while desiring to have a relationship with Him I continue to sin. I wonder now if God really loves me, whether He wants me after I have hurt Him so much. I used to think that I had a vocation to be a monk, and I still desire this, but how could I ever become a monk when I am so sinful? I am sorry for just dumping all of this, but I have no where else to talk to anybody. Please help me.
Do you think, dear friend, that Jesus died because after that Salvific event, no-one would ever sin again?
Of course not, He knew people by the very fact of concupiscence alone would sin even if they strive daily to refrain from mortal sin would fall several times daily into venial sin.
You know that if you did not sin at all you would be Christ Jesus Himself! Perfection is not attainable in this life, only in the next and what enables us to reach the everlasting life is faith and perseverence in it despite oursleves. So that by the mercy of God increasingly His Son Christ Jesus may live in us in this life, so raising us to the next. There is no attainment of perfection in this life, infact the man that is right with God is not the Pharisee, it is the man who stands before God and says ‘I am a Sinner’. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is mockery if perfection is attainable in this life, of course perfection is not attainable, therefore we accept and forgive ourselves as Christ Jesus does and realise that all those called to Holy Orders are Sinners.
When we realise this, we realise our call to Holiness, to be HOLY is to STRIVE and to recognise daily our failings and humbly seek God daily to preserve and engraciate us.
So now, whatever is causing you to worry ( and there is no worry in Christ Jesus, only peace!!!) you eradicate it by sincere confession and contrite offernace of your penitent heart and then dear friend after confession you have a heart as bright as the Lord’s , as perfect as sunlight , you go again down the road, the narrow road with Jesus.
God bless you and grant you to love yourself, much love and peace to you