Please start keeping a diary. Write down everything of importance since things started going downhill. Put approximate dates if you can’t remember exactly.

Keep adding to it every day.

Sometimes seeing your own private thoughts in writing can help clarify.

And this could be helpful in the future if it comes to a petition for a decree of nullity.

I hate to say that. You want to fight for your marriage. But if the groom already wants a trial separation 8 months into it, something is fundamentally and seriously wrong. Whatever deception has been going on, whatever it is that you know, and are rightly keeping to yourself, it may be of supreme interest to determining whether you even have a marriage at all.

I know this hurts. I’ve been through it. In a different way. Stay close to the sacraments. Pray a lot. You need clarity of thought in this.


Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Last night after he again told me he did not want to go to counseling after admitting what he did in a text message and telling me it was my fault I told him I want a divorce. God bless everyone. I am 31 and if an anullment does not happen then I understand my calling will remain in permanent celibacy. I love you all and so does God.

Sweetie, I know this is horrible and humiliating, and so soon after the wedding. But in a way that helps. Everything is very fresh in memory. Be warned that when the news of this starts spreading, people will start coming out of the woodwork with stories and comments. You may realize that there were a lot of people out there who had valid information and knowlege that they didn’t bother to tell you back when it would have helped. Resist the urge to be angry at those people. Instead, ask them if they would be willing to share that information with the tribunal.

This is NOT your fault. To make a marriage work takes two people. It only takes one to really mess it up.

He’s doing you a favor getting out of your way now. Whatever his issues, at least he’s not making a plastic attempt to go to counselling and dragging your heart through the muck for a few years and a few children till it falls apart inevitably and leaves you older, tireder and sadder.

I hurt for you. The older I get, though, the more I wish my xh had left me standing at the altar. That would have been easier to get over than what happened over the next 20 years.

How is your family reacting to this?

My family is as hurt as I am but supportive- Thank God for them. I filed a police report today. Now, for the next question - after I get the restraining order should I file charges - is it the Christian thing to do?

In my opinion, yes. There is a possibility you will be protecting other people from his violent behavior.

Oh honey, many hugs to you! You are absolutely doing the right thing. If he can not control his temper towards you, can you imagine what kind of father he would be? I believe an annulment is the very best thing to do in this situation. And yes, file charges. He needs to know what he has done is NEVER ok. NEVER! And hopefully by you doing everything you can in your legal right, you might just prevent another victim of domestic violence. Bless you!

Please everyone just do me a favor and don’t just pray for me- pray for him as well to come back to God and find the help he needs even though I will not be in his life for the Kingdom of Heaven rejoices more for the redemption of one lost sinner than for the souls of 99 saints. Or something like that. :blush:

Will do :thumbsup: .


Do ask your priest/family/etc. about this too, in addition to the answers you received above. Your personal community should help you discern every step to take from here on out, as this might be a time to continue with personal and intimate counseling, imo. May you make each decision in God’s peace.

Get out, get divorced, and you’ll be granted an anullment. See your priest immediately! Don’t wait for an appointment. Drive down there, and speak with the secretary! This is an emergency whether it feels like it or not.
Abused people never feel worthy. You’re important and not thinking clearly. You deserve to be cherished. THAT is God’s will for you.

No marriage is perfect. But no Godly marriage includes abuse (emotional or otherwise) and deceit…

Cabolissa, she’s since updated the thread, and she’s talked to her priest already, among other things posted above.

I’m glad with your decision. I agree with the other poster–go ahead with the restraining order. It will help you sleep at night, and give you legal recourse, if needed. We support you, and I’m sure the people here have been praying for your husband all along, and will continue to do so. Honey, I wasn’t bashing your priest. It is just that some of these types of situations can get more volatile the longer they go on.:gopray2:

Hon even if it’s in your name, leave it!!! Get to a safe place first…then contact some authorities…I don’t mean the cops, but I mean a priest, a doctor, his family…people whom might be able to help you get through this situation and help him as well. Once he gets treatment and things are a bit safer then go back home…Believe me it’s better to do that then to sleep with one eye open…Other wise you will never find rest…

Pray really hard for him, you are in our prayers…God bless!

My bad…

Joan - good for you in making such sound decisions. His “trial separation” is a blessing in disguise. Remain strong. He may come back to you when he hits bottom, and you can’t forget what you’re going through. Keep writing as others have said. It’s important to document a timeline of events for you and for any future anullment.

Well, it is going to divorce - a nasty one at that. I love you all. Going to get through it with God’s help. Need advice. Need prayer.

I’m so sorry joan…you’re in my prayers, please know this. :gopray:

This doesn’t feel like the thread for me to post in, and I will not offer any advice to the OP. I am only a young man, but some of the comments here are confusing to me.

All the women here say that once he gets physical- it’s done. Get out. Now I can’t tell Joan not to do this because like I said, I’m just a young man, but I feel like I need to share my experience.

When I was very young my dad would get physical with me, my siblings, and my mother, and we would cry about it afterwards. I held a grudge against my dad for many years because of this. But my mother stuck with him, and my dad has become a much better man and has control over his emotions now. Had my mother taken the advice you people are giving, I would not have the great man I have for a father today, and the world would have another broken family. My mom and dad recently celebrated their 25th anniversary.

I understand that Joan has to be concerned for her safety, and I’ll say again that I can’t tell her that what she is doing is wrong.

But the advice here seems to be that marriages aren’t supposed to survive through things like this. My parents’ marriage did, and we’re better off because my mom stuck through it. Do you people think that it was a bad thing for my mom to forgive and stay committed to my father even after he physically abused my family?

Some of this advice just seems un-Christian. I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone. I’m just trying to offer some experience for perspective. I’m not telling the OP what to do. :o

Luke- Neither set of advice is unchristian and I commend both your mother and father for the fine young man they have raised and the strength they had to have in order to get through the ordeal. The difference is that your father was willing to change and get help - mine would not go to counseling or even mass for that matter.


Well said. I’m sorry for your troubles. I’m relieved that you are seeing that this isn’t going to work getting out so quickly. Because of that insight, resourcefullness, and resolve, I know you’ll make it. We’ll all be praying for you.

Thank you for your kind words - I wish we could both do without the nastiness but hopefully God will touch his heart. I opened the Bible tonight and it went right to Luke and the parable of The Lost Sheep. Pray for him.

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