I’ve got a brother who has completely given up. He got fired from his job. Defaulted on every note he had. Had his car taken away by the bank. He’s now getting aid from the state and is trying to get permanent disability. He’s jumping through all the hoops to get what he can. Once he gets that, he said he can get his retirement from his job early.

He’s able bodied. From all I can see he has just decided to quite, give up. His comment to me was: “We live in a rich country”.

I find myself getting very angry about the situation. I don’t know if he’s depressed or what. I can’t figure it out.

What would your response to a brother like this be? Would you part company with him? I don’t want to enable him in any way. Have any of you had an experience like this with someone?

I guess what really erks me is for instance, yesterday I called and offered him a meal out. (he gets 200.00 a month in aid to the dissabled and 100.00 in food stamps) He turned me down. Said he wanted to watch T.V. :banghead:
I’m at a loss. I really get the feeling that if someone offered him a job right now, he would turn it down.

Sounds like you did the right thing to offer him a meal out. I would suggest being patient and keep trying things like that, to get him out of himself. He needs to become productive and you can help him – maybe by getting him interested in other work that he can do. And don’t forget to pray for him – seems like he really needs it.


He sounds, at the least, depressed. Something serious is going on and he needs counseling BIG TIME. That having been said, you don’t part company with a brother when he needs your love and support most. His self-esteem is somewhere in the basement as is. This is your golden opportunity to shine as a person.

Remember Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13, In the end three things endure, Faith, Hope, and Love. The greatest of these is love.

Bring all three to your brother.


Thanks for your replies. :slight_smile:

William, your brother is super depressed. Let him take some time to recover from his losses. It takes time to start to feel better.

The reason he turned down your offer to go to lunch was because he is too depressed to go out…even for a free lunch. I am a depressed person and when people offer to take me out to lunch I have to drag myself out of my condo or just say…“some other day”.
My depression zapps my energy. I take medication for it too but I still like to just stay home and eat and watch t.v. My priests are my therapists.

My advise is to call your brother and tell him you want to visit him and what goodies would he like you to bring for lunch or dinner time. Entice him with the thoughts of cheese burgers, pizza, pies, ice cream, any thing that you know he likes.

Please accept his present life-style. Pray for him and eventually he will come out of his shell and do something with his life. He is mourning his losses presently. He needs to go through that experience. His hopes and dreams went out the window when he lost everything. There are many people like him who have lost everything.

I have a neighbor who’s 50yr.old son went through the experience of losing his wife, home, car, etc. It has taken him one year to recover with the help of his mother. He recently got a job and lives with his loving mother. He is doing much better now.
Your brother is a man so let him take his break from society. Please don’t judge him because you are not in his shoes. Cruel shoes…
PEACE, Lucia

I completely agree. Depression is tough. You don’t want to move or do anything. Love and prayers will get him out of it eventually. The worst thing to do is add to the hurt and loss. Let’s just say I’m speaking through experience. One day he will find something that will move him (for me it was god and service to God) and life will feel better for him.

Jengl, you are so right about finding something of interest that can bring a person out of a depression. What has helped me a lot is attending a Church Bible group where we have fun learning about the Bible and other interesting discussion about our religion.
I truly look foreward to attending my bible class every week. It also helps me when my cleaning lady comes over to clean my condo. I also help in cleaning my condo together which brightens my life. A simple thing like that helps me. It is interesting.

I know the depressed man will find something interesting in his life that will get him out of his depression. We don’t know what that may be but what goes down has to come up.
I am sure his life will turn around if we all pray for him. Lucia

BTW- your brother is not milking the system. It sounds like he has a legitimate claim for mental illness which would keep him from working for a term of at least a year. Disability does not mean permanent sometimes the govenrment definition of permanent seems rather temporary compared to an Eternal god. In this case permanent disability is one year. Depression is a disability. It can also cause a lot of physical pain you can’t see.

Joan, you are so right about disability benefits. It is really hard to get. I was told to not even bother asking for disability for my mental problems. Nobody in my company wanted to help me so I just retired regular instead of disabled.
If I had retired on disability I wouldn’t have to pay taxes on my retirement money.

His brother was just talking like a depressed person. I pray that he gets better. Lucia

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